rebound came back

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2005
rebound came back
1
Tue, 07-05-2005 - 3:34pm

girls I’m so confused right now...

my breakup thread: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=17811.1

a little background on me: I dated my college boyfriend for 3 years, who I broke up with bc we fought a lot, he was a jerk, I started to not trust him in the end, etc... it just wasn’t working out. I was in love with him but I knew it was the right thing to do in the long run. to help the breakup along, my friends introduced me to a perfect on paper rebound that I started dating. I broke up with my ex, and although I missed him and spoke to him a few times, I came to terms with the breakup without any problems.

I started dating the rebound, who I did naturally like, but I wasn’t ready for a relationship and it showed. I forgot what it was like to be "myself" because I spent the last 3 years being part of a couple, so a lot of the time I spent with the rebound I felt like I was "faking it." We dated for a little over a month. one day we started talking about the relationship and he said he felt like something was missing. He was right and I agreed with him but I wasn’t ready for the breakup. He was there to help me get over my ex but mostly I still liked him.

we had a very amicable and mutual breakup, and since we have mutual friends we agreed to be friends.

a week later he text msgd me. it was nothing serious, just the mundane "hows it going?" we sent a few msgs back and forth and nothing came of it. about a month later he instant msgd me and we chatted for a bit. I got off first, telling him I had to goto bed. when I signed off, he called me (he said he didn’t see my IM because his computer was messed up). we talked for like 45 minutes. basically catching up on each other's lives since the break up (it had been about 2 months).

after we got off the phone I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
a few weeks later, I went to meet my friends at a club and he was there (the mutual friends we have). he was the first one I saw and I walked over and said hello. I played it cool and just hung out with my friends and talked to guys. when we were leaving the club (my girlfriends and I), we saw him standing outside with his friends. we stopped over to talk to them and ended up staying outside for like 2 hours just bsing. he was flirting with me A LOT. Doing stuff like, rubbing my shoulders, playing with my jewelry, touching my arms, etc. As me and my girls were leaving, we went in for the cheek kiss and he whispered into my ear "it was really good to see you" and gave me a 15 second hug. I felt like it was a movie playing in slow motion.

the next day I spoke to one of our friends, and she told me he was talking about me, saying good things. so naturally, I thought he would call me sooner or later... but he didn’t. and he didn’t IM me either. I was pretty pissed off thinking that he was giving me mixed signals. what type of a guy would openly flirt with a girl he kinda broke up with unless he was interested in her? a JERK... but supposedly he's not a JERK... all my friends say he's a nice guy so I don't understand why he would give me mixed signals.

a week later I was at a club (looking the hottest I’ve looked in a long time), hanging out with a gorgeous guy, kissing, dancing, etc, and I saw HIM. I know he saw me but he didn’t say hi to me. he was there with his friends and one of his friends even came up to me and said "looking good tonight." I was upset that he didn’t say hi to me, considering that only one week PRIOR, he was flirting with me a lot.

I still like him and I don’t know what to make of all this. one side of my brain says:

"he should feel so stupid because he originally kinda broke up with you, then he IMmed you, called you, flirted with you, but still didn’t follow through with any real plans to hang out. He was probably thinking “wow anytime I want to talk to this girl she’s always available to me, she must still be interested.” And he didn’t take initiative to call again or anything, especially after that night of hanging out and flirting, so obviously he's just "not that into me" and he deserves what he got, which is to see me with another guy, looking fabulous and having a great time"

and the other side of the brain says:

"yes he did kinda break up with you, then he IMmed you, called you, flirted with you, BUT maybe he realizes he still likes you and was trying to take things slow (way too slow) and see what happens in the future, and him seeing me with someone else totally turned him off to me"

So I don’t know what to make of all this. All I know is that still like him, and don't want to move on. I feel like we have unfinished business but then again maybe I’m looking too much into things.

Avatar for deneeecie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 12:40am

May

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