Recent Events

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Recent Events
1
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 11:15am

good morning,

I haven't been to this board posting since last year but recent circumstances has brought me back here yet once again. Background: my ex and I dated for 5 yrs, there was cheating on both parts, so we ended up breaking up. For the last year, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster w/him going back n forth between I love you, ummmmm wait a second I want to be w/her. So, I finally had made it up in my mind that I wasn't going to have contact with him anymore. It wasn't benefiting me and in fact it was more hurtful as result. 2-3 months had past and then 2 wks ago, he called and told me that he still loved me and cared about me, this information wasn't anything new b/c he has said this in the past. What was new, is that he went into explicit detail of the things he missed about me, he even went back to our first date... So, now i"m thinking wow, he's actually taken time out to really think about things, so this time he was right and all the games had stopped. I was very touched and suprised by this but I didn't let him know it b/c like i said we've been here before. So, we continued to email each other for the next few days and I decided that if we were going to get back together now was the time. I sent him an email inviting him to dinner and I told him that we needed to talk about things face to face. He agreed, so we met the following Saturday.

During dinner, I told him that we've been together for quite some time and that I felt that we either needed to take our relationship to the next level or say goodbye forever. I also told him that i wanted him to get rid of his baggage, make a monogomus(sp) committment to me, and I wanted a ring. he responded by telling me that he needed time to do the things that I requested of him and I repsonded by telling him to take all of the time he needed but that i was moving on. he told me that his feelings were hurt and that he couldn't believe that i didn't want to talk to him anymore. i told him how did he expect me to move on, if i kept talking to him. 5 mins later he told me that he was ready to go and i told him that he could leave, i knew how to get home from here. he decided to wait for me. Before i got out of the car, I gave him a hug and told him to take care and that was it.

that following tuesday, he called and told me that he had gotten rid of his baggage and that he was ready to commit but he felt that we needed to spend more time together before we got engaged. Extremely happy we met for dinner that night. During, dinner I wondered if I should sleep w/him my body wanted to have se* but my mind felt we needed more time. he asked me if i wanted to go home or back to his place, i decided to go home. i could tell that he was a little upset by my decision but he said that he understood if i needed time b/c he didn't want to rush things. we passionately kissed for 5 mins and then i went inside. things were great, he called to say good night, called to say good morning, and just called to say hi, he even started emailing me (something he stopped doing when all of the drama was going on - evidence I suppose) so i'm thinking to myself he's serious but if there were not tides for at least two weeks, we could start having se* again.

unfortunately we didn't even last the weekend. fri, i left work early and went to happy hour w/my co-workers, afterwards my bestfriend's little sister went on prom so i went to see her. i called him around 9, he told me that he was at an IT seminar, and he would call when it was over. he did, i told him that i was going to go home n chill w/my gf and he said he was going to play poker w/his friends. he called me and i told him i would call him back in 5 mins, i called 30 mins later. he then said he would give me a cb and when he did i was already in the bed. he didn't call me/nor did i call him on Sat. Sun morning he called and said that he had been out drinking, and he had a hang over. it wasn't until after my roommate checked our answering machine that i had discovered that he had called, touched i called to see how he was doing, he said that he wanted to go back to sleep and that he would call when he got up. we talked maybe 3 more times throughout the day. i had this gut feeling that i should go over his house, but being lazy n the name of letting him have some space i decided to stay home. that night, my roommate and i had been invited out to dinner, during dinner, my ex called me a total of 5 times and i didn't answer the phone. i called him back around midnight, left a vm telling him good night and i would talk to him in the morning.

around 3 am he called, and told me not to call his house anymore, and that he was happy where he was/with... hurt/angry i told him that's fine and hung up. i cried the whole entire night, my face looked horrible!!! That morning, I decided to go to work unable to think of a good enough excuse as to why I wasn't going to be in... it was very apparent that i was upset, my boss called me into his office to ask me what was wrong and i told him. he said that he could tell by looking at me, and i should've stayed home. i was like thanks - think!?!?! he was very appreciate of my efforts and told me that if there was anything he could do to let me know. i feel a little better today, but not like i had been feeling before all of this happenend again.

All of my family, co-workers and friends have been very supportive, but they all said the same thing his actions doesn't make any sense; they want to know why i don't want to call him n ask him what was going on. I was too hurt/angry to ask him where all this was coming from b/c i felt betrayed/lied to all over again.

What do you think happened? Do you think he thought that i was playing games and that i was doing something wrong? Should I just move on and leave things as they are? Or do you think that he just told me that b/c he wanted to cont to talk to me and he couldn't stand the fact that i had a whole new life w/out him?

Part of me wants to know why, but the other part of me all ready feels like enough of the emotional strain you were happier by yourself.

Any advice would be greatly apprieciated!

Sorry for the long post, I just had to get somethings off my chest.

E.




Edited 5/24/2005 11:23 am ET ET by iejones6302
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: iejones6302
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:43pm


Hi,

My opinion is that this relationship is way too fraught with communication problems. It's the kind of thing where, people have told me, "It shouldn't be so hard." It just seems like you two do not communicate well, compatibly. I feel like you have taken this as far as you can, you've been together, apart, together, etc. and it's just not working.

As you yourself say, I think it is better for you to regain your emotional stability, and to do that, I think you need to break completely with this guy, take time to get better, and then seek a more stable, comfortable relationship.