regression, or part of the process?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
regression, or part of the process?
2
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:46pm
i've had a week of amazing, strong days.

and today hasn't been that bad, either,

i just get a little down sometimes.

is that regression?

or is it normal to have a couple good days,

and then a bad day?

i know that friendship is NOT an option,

and i've gotten to the point where i

almost don't want it at all. i think to

myself, "if his friends were able to

convince him to break up with me, why

wouldn't they be able to convince him to

not be FRIENDS with me? and more important,

why would i want to be around someone who

lets their friends make decisions FOR them?"

but, sometimes, it's still hard.

i think the thing that depresses me most is

that i'm stressed out about finding "the one."

so many women on here have said that they think

that he was "the one," but every single man on

the face of the planet seems to be afraid of

commitment.

this sounds so dumb, but i'm afraid i won't

get married. that's my DREAM. i want to fall

in love, and spend the rest of my life with

someone.

but it seems like men aren't interested in that.

i feel like i keep thinking regressive thoughts

(instead of thinking of progressively, like i have been)

for instance, tonight i was talking to my dad about

how Jon was so easily influenced, and that it hurt me

that he let his friends talk sh*t about me, and didn't

stand up for me ONCE.

and my dad said: "why don't you think about how he

doesn't have a backbone, and doesn't DESERVE to be with

an intelligent, opinionated woman like you? he's weak.

you're not. you should be grateful he's out of your life."

that made me think a LOT. i'm hoping that having a

negative day after all these positive days is normal...

i'm a little worried that i might be regressing. :-\

can anybody who's been through the horrible process that is

"breaking up" please enlighten me?

your love and support kept me going

through my darkest of times.

thanks for always being positive and

thanks so much for taking an interest.

i truly appreciate it.

and thanks in advance for any responses <3

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 8:07am
In my opinion, it's part of the process. I think that what you are experiencing is sort of a smoothed out rollercoaster....in the beginning there were tons of ups and downs, and now the downs just come every now and then. Your ex sounds like mine....can't do anything without his buds.....we are both better off, you and I. And maybe one day I'll honestly believe that, but I need to keep saying it at the very least!! You'll get through it. You'll probably still have those negative days....but I think that pretty soon they'll be few and far apart. You hang in there, and just ride this rollercoaster out. One day whatever is powering it will lose it's power, and you'll be able to step off and live life to it's fullest. And you will find someone. Someone who deserves you.

hugs,

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 11:51am
Hey, it's part of the healing process, and regression is a major factor in healing. You will have good days and bad days, and on those bad days, go thru them, because you're not going to be able to stop them, until you have fully recovered and healed. It's been 7 weeks for me that I haven't talked to my "friend", and the last few days, I wake up crying. Now last week, I hardly cried, and I keep asking myself, I want to wake up everyday and not cry, but I haven't recovered yet, and I keep telling myself that. I know one day I'm going to wake up and it will be all over, I just have to continue to work thru my pain and realize that the pain will go away, I'll just continue to do what I'm doing and not hold back my tears, because crying is healthy and it helps you thru your rough times. I can guarantee you and myself that there will be a time and day that were going to look back and say, WOW! I got thru it and my life is good and I'm happy. Trust yourself and believe that your going to get thru this, I promise myself everyday and I know it will happen, I'm going to be patient. Good luck, and don't ignore the regression because it is part of the healing process. As I'm writing this message, I feel good right now and I'm excited about today and what it's going to bring, but just a few hours ago, I was crying, so you see, you will have the ups and downs, just take it with stride and go on with your life. I hope I helped!