Regretful

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Regretful
4
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 7:11pm
I met what I thought was a wonderful guy. Today I am not sure. We dated for about a month and things were going well. He was long distance - I live in Philadelphia and he lives in Washington D.C. I noticed a minor conversation problem (sometimes I had nothing to say nor did he) but I thought that would improve with time. He took me away for my birthday and was acting really strange. When I finally got what was wrong out of him, he said that he didn't know if he could have a relationship with me. Now, this is less than a week after hopping a train at 10 at night because he couldn't wait to see me and having sex with me the night before he delivered this news. He gave me many reasons why he wasn't sure about having a relationship, finally settling on - maybe he'll feel different next week. I thought about it the whole night and decided to end things with him the next day. I had one indecisive relationship before and it drove me crazy. He promised that he would call in a week and we would discuss things. He never called. During that time, I sent him a few emails and instant messages telling him how I felt. He never responded to those. Last Friday I called him and asked him to please let me know what I did wrong so I would understand why he apparently was repulsed by me suddenly. He didn't call me back. I was so upset that I sent him an email telling him that I thought he was a bastard and acting like a spoiled, rich kid. Now he's blocked me from his contacts. I guess I wanted him to feel as bad as he made me feel, but I regret it and would love to try to patch things up. Am I crazy? Please help! I'm falling apart here!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:30pm

Hi and welcome :)


I once had a guy flake out on me after about a month.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:02pm
Thanks for your advice. I'm trying to move on but it's hard because he was my first relationship in two years and, as silly as it sounds after a month, I do miss him. I know I probably drove him a little nuts, but I thought he'd at least call. He drove me nuts, too. One minute we're planning a getaway for his birthday and the next he's "not sure we're compatible" or was it "he's not making me happy" or perhaps "you're not here (meaning D.C.) or maybe "maybe I'll feel different next week". The worst part is that if he had been feeling this way, he should have called me and told me not to come down to D.C. If he needed space, I would have understood that. He shouldn't have had sex with me the night before dropping this bomb on me. And that's what I don't understand and, when I don't understand things, I try to find it. This unfortunately meant emailing him a couple of times which probably was the wrong thing to do, but still! Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but sex is a big deal to me. I deserve an explanation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:56am

There are a lot of things he should have done, but he didn't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:02pm

Hey C,
Ugh, I feel your frustrations since I was there too very recently.
But I had a MAJOR break through/revolation when it comes to the Q&A portion of break ups.... I'd like to share..
I couldn't comprehend why he would not want to rekindle the real love we felt for one another and mend our relationship since I was willing to give it my efforts. Maybe it was a terrible contradiction within his heart or mind or simply put we wen't meant to be..... Maybe there is no simple answer and I've come to accept that possibile reality, as hard as it was..good grief, but chalked it up to just another one of lifes great mysteries.
At this point, you should give him time alone & focus on you.. i know it's harder than it sounds but if everyone else here & me can work through this, so can you!

Your thoughts that love & sex go hand in hand is only natural. I feel most women do think the same way according to studies I've read plus how I feel about it. Maybe he holds the same feelings but is confused about what he wants or simply wanted a last time romp... who knows. The best indicator of true feelings is time. The difference is what you do with yourself during that time. After you slowly get back into your groove, time will tell if this relationship can progres & if you really have a future together.