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| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:15am |
Hello - My post was about the long distance relationship being over. I need some more advice please. Here's a what happened this weekend. I was doing so well last week and now, I feel as if I am backtracking.
Here's why... I saw his cousin and she told me that he had called her to let her know that he broke up with me. She told me that she thinks that he is an idiot because we had something really good going on. But she also said that maybe he met someone at his new job and that he felt guilty if anything happened between him and the other person.
I was not ready to hear that. I know that I have to accept it that he probably is dating someone else and sleeping with them. But when I think about it, my heart races and I am nauseous. She also told me that he said that he still loved me and that he wants to call, but he does not know what to say to me. Now that is news to me because he never said that he still loved me or that we could be friends. Why would he tell her something like that? Her and a friend were asking me if I would take him back and I said that I had never thought about it because he gave me the impression by DUMPING me that he did not want to come back let alone be with me.
Of course I miss him and want to be with him, but obviously, he does not feel that way about me. I just don't want to go back and forth of a he said and she said. They asked me if we had spoken since the breakup and I said no because he had not called me and how/why would I call someone who dumped me. I am hurt and I want this to go away. I feel so confused now wondering if he really meant what he said, but I guess that it doesn't matter because he has not called me. Now, when I come home - deep down, I find myself hoping that maybe he there waiting for me or maybe he will call. I hate this. I feel like crap.
I am trying to appear and feel strong about this breakup and move on. I told his cousin that he made his decision to end this relationship and I have to respect his decision, me calling him is not going to help. Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

Be careful here....whatever he told his cousin maybe the truth. He may still love you, but say you get back together, how will you deal with the possiblity that he was with someone else - his coworker that he will have to continue to see every day at work even if you are back with him. And does it mean it started up before he DUMPED you? Or that there was flirting going on before hand? And does this mean he jumped at the chance to get 'extra attention' from another female?
If he wants you back, if he wants the relationship to work, it's on him to make it work, on him to contact you.
So from this point, if you talk to the cousin, just tell her that you do NOT want to hear about him and mean it and do what it takes to ensure he is not the topic of conversation.
And think about this:
"She also told me that he said that he still loved me and that he wants to call, but he does not know what to say to me. "
If he calls, what could he possibly say that would erase all your hurt feelings? Nothing, especially if he hooked up with the co-worker.
Carrie
Thinking of him being with another person makes me sick and when she told me that, I was trying to appear as if I did not care or really that there is nothing that I can do about it.
I hate to allow myself to feel that he may come back since he told her that he still loved me. What if he just told her that to be nice? It doesn't make sense to me because he did not say that he loved me when he broke up with me.
I was thinking the same that you were about 'If he wants me back, if he wants the relationship to work, it's on him to make it work, on him to contact me.' If he did not know what to say, the words would come to him somehow if he wanted it to.
Thankfully, I have not called or e-mailed him or even sent his pictures back. I am afraid that if I do that, he may call me. And he has not called me either.
Today I am looking for places to volunteer and help other people. I need some distractions.
Thank you for responding to me, it feels good to know that someone else cares.
I hope that you are right and that the messages that we are receiving from the grape vine wear off very soon.
I keep trying to think of negative things about him, but it only works 1/4 of the time. Practice makes perfect.
As for his cousin, we are friends and she is great, but when I see her again - you are right that I have to be strong and just ask that she doesn't mention him. I am still healing and I was not ready (like I thought I was) for what she had to say. I feel like I am back at day one again and I can't do that another time.
Good luck to you too. I know that you and I will get through this if we avoid contact and hearing about our exes from other people.
Friends and relatives carrying tales second-hand from an Ex can be disastrous to our healing process, especially at first. My Ex and I have a lot of mutual friends, and I have asked them to please not tell me anything about him so that I am not hurt worse.
My daughter told me that he had met a young woman from overseas online and was planning to marry her and have a baby just about two months after our breakup. She is a woman half my age. This set me back so bad that I told my daughter if she told me one more iota about him, she would not be welcome in my home. It hurt that bad!
So, it is good to ask others to leave you out of the gossip loop. If the Ex wants to come back to you or tell you something, be assured he or she will find a way to do it. How embarrassed and hurt would you be if you initiated contact and said you had heard he was still missing/loving you, and he said he was not?
I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your ex.
As much as I have thought of calling him, I won't mostly because each day that goes by and he does not call me or have any communication with me whatsoever tells me that I am no longer his concern and that I would be a fool to raise his ego by calling him.
Everyday is difficult. I hope that the healing process will go guickly for the both of us.
No you are definitely not wrong for feeling this way! In fact, I admire your strength!! My boyfriend broke up with me but I continued to remain in contact with him. But your completely right if they break up with us, why should we be the one calling? Beyond that, we shouldn't be giving them the opportunity to continue having us in their lives if they've chosen to end things. I'm not being harsh, I just think they should really feel the outcome of their actions/choice.
I know his cousin confused things for you...but you know what it sounds like you have a good idea of things and where you need to go from here. Move on and don't let this encounter boggle you down!!
All the best!