A relapse

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
A relapse
1
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 9:31am

I had a tough night last night. I’ve been doing well during the day but the evenings, just a few hours before bed, are generally the hardest times for me. I used to love sleeping with my boyfriend – just having him in my bed. I loved the feel of a warm body next to mine.

But last night, in addition to fighting the loneliness, a friend called to vent about her relationship. Her boyfriend is treating her pretty much the same way mine was treating me towards the end. The conversation brought out all the pain in me again. That dark, sinking, hopeless feeling weighed me down all over again. I wanted to drink, smoke and eat all the chocolate and ice cream in the state last night. But I didn't! I journaled all of the feelings out of me. Then I spent some time meditating and visualizing myself achieving goals I believe I could not have achieved if I were still with him. It got me through the night, barely, but it did get me through.

This morning I realized that as much pain as I was in last night, it still wasn’t as much pain as I was in while I was in at the end of the relationship but before we broke up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: michele08053
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:39pm

Someone here said this: The only way out is through..

If you can understand this, the pain the journey makes more sense..journaling, coming here, therapy and all the other healing techniques are sooo positive towards growth. Sleeping with another, rebounding and other ways to cope can dull the pain but it's still there underneath..

It's a relief isn't it, to feel the changes and the pain diminish. I used to think about my ex and his new sex buddy and feel physically ill. I could NOT eat. I was up all night for two weeks. Now, I am moving on slowly..very slowly...and it feels WAY better..

:)