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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
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Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:41pm
Well, I got over my urge to contact him last week...but I just came back to the school study area tonight and guess who I run into? Yep, jerk-o. I see him from the corner of my eye and just walk over to a couple of guys I was meeting to do a group project. He was working on his own project a few tables over and hearing his voice was like a dagger through my heart. I heard him talk...and laugh...it hurt so bad. But I never looked over there. I wanted to leave the study area, but something in me was thinking, "NO...that would make it too comfortable for him." About 20 minutes later he left the study area...without saying a word to me. My birthday was also yesterday and he didn't call. Our last contact was 3 weeks ago when he sent this email after I left in the middle of the night, post-sex and full of disappointment that he wouldn't give the relationship another try:

"I'm sorry about last night. I'm not really sure what all happened, but I feel like I upset you. I really didn't have intentions of all of that happening, and I wasn't trying to lead you on. I love you and care for you more than you know, and I've missed you just as much as you've missed me. I still have things to sort out, and I thought I was being pretty clear about that, but maybe I wasn't. I feel so comfortable with you, and it was really great to hold you and be with you again. I'm not sure how you're feeling or where we stand now, but I feel like you want some space. Just let me know what you want me to do, and I will.

I hope everything is okay. Have a good night, and week."

I never replied to the email and here it is 3 weeks later and I feel like there are so many things left unsaid! And now we basically ignore each other. And he didn't call me on my birthday...but was that because I just didn't reply to the email and he's giving me my space? Should I call him? I have this urge...but then another side of me is so fearful he won't say anything I need to hear and I'll end up feeling worse. Can a conversation with him or meeting with up with him give me some kind of closure? Or would it be a disaster? Ugh. I have so much schoolwork to do and seeing him today just threw me for a loop...help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
In reply to: tatianacc
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:16pm
First of all, NO MORE HAVING SEX WITH HIM! You two broke up and he doesn't deserve to get any now :b

Secondly, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Believe me, I feel your pain...but I'm impressed that you were strong enough not to respond to his attempt to contact you. I wish I could say the same for myself (I'm slowly learning though). But I understand how hard it is...especially since you feel like there were things left unsaid. Closure is so important...and at one point, I thought that was what I needed as well. So I attempted to talk to him, tell him how I was feeling...and you know what? That was a horrible idea. He just made me feel even worse.

There are other ways to get closure...I suggest writing him a letter--but don't send it. That way, you can get all of your thoughts out without actually making yourself vulnerable to him once again.

His e-mail to you sounded...nice. But I wouldn't read too much into it. And yes, it seems as though he's giving you space now...which is exactly what you need. I'm sure it hurt that he didn't call you on your birthday, but he probably assumed you didn't want to hear from him--or was pissed that you never responded to his e-mail. I'm sure he has no idea what you're thinking...and that's good. Honestly, the best thing to do is to hold onto your pride. Don't have any contact with him, don't let him know how much you're hurting...because even if you want him to know that you care, that doesn't make you feel any better. Believe me, I know from experience...I went overboard trying to show my ex that I still cared and all he did was take advantage of me. You can't force someone to care about you, or love you...if he really wants you back, make him prove it. If it's meant to be, it will be...

But until then, spend time on yourself, with family and friends. Keep yourself busy...and don't sit around hoping that he'll call, or wondering if he's thinking of you. Give it time...that's really all you need.

Good luck and take care :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: tatianacc
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:23pm
I know this is hard on you...especially being in a small graduate program where you're bound to see him alot. That just means you have to grow a thick skin....I know it will take a while but you'll get there. He probably didn't call you on your b-day because he didn't want to give you faulse hope that he wanted to get back together so it was easier for him to do nothing. I strongly advise you *NOT* to call him....i think it will only make things worse. Good luck no matter what you decide and I wish you the best!!
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