Relapse update!....I called the ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Relapse update!....I called the ex.
5
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 10:59am
I called.

I kept it brief. Not sure what I wanted from the contact, but in the end, I felt empowered in some odd way. I told him I had been thinking of him, and decided to give him a ring. He asked how I was, I told him wonderful (because outside of hurting over this clown, life really has been going well for me). He says he misses talking to me about different things going on in the world. It's good to know my views were appreciated, but I shrugged it off nonetheless.

I think sometimes after a break up, the dumpee will make the dumper into some sort of saint. We assume that their lives are going to be perfect, and we're just going to be down forever, because they no longer want to be with us. I know I've been guilty of this in the past.

My ex- sounded the exact same way he did when we were together (except his tone was a lot more cordial). The difference is, I now see him differently. He's no longer on the pedestal I placed him on. He's just a man. His life isn't perfect, and I don't envy him at all.

I'm glad I called. I'm also glad I kept it short, and hung up first. I'm sure I will grieve again, but I no longer feel sorry for myself, and that's a MAJOR step for me!!!

I'm going back to NC now. This weekend, it will be 1 month since our break-up, and I'm now optimistic about my future. I know what I deserve now. If/when I ever do find someone else I trust enough to be in a relationship with (and it will be HARD)...I just hope I choose wiser.

Hopefully, we all will!

-Izuri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 11:13am
Good for you...I am glad to hear you are slowly able to move on with your life. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 11:28am
Zuri,

Its fantastic that you were able to have a serene conversation wit your ex and feel like its helped you move on. You're right...often times we assume they're dealing much better with this than we are. And while some of that may be true, life isnt as great as we may think for them. Its good to be able to step out of that bubble and see them for who they really are.

Take care of yourself and be positive about things. You will choose wiser and be able to get something positive out of this whole experience...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:22pm
It is good to hear that you decided to call him to release all the stress you were feeling. Now it is clear that he is not interested in you as a girlfriend anymore and it must be easier for you to move on.

I also couldn't stand the no contact rule and sent my ex an email. I just got his reply saying that it is really over. We still have to see each other again next month because we had planned a holiday with his friends before breaking up. However, I will take this chance to see him as he really is and not with all the romantic rubbish as before.

As I said before, every case is different and we all eventually have to find our own way to move on.

Iliana


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 6:51pm
I'm glad the call went well and that you're feeling good. I would just caution you to beware of what I call the "contact backlash"...where in a couple days, you start thinking, "hmm...that wasn't so bad, I bet it would be ok to be in regular contact with him". Before you know it, you're back in a bad place, wondering what the heck is going on (can you tell I've been there, done that a couple times ;-))?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 7:23pm
LOL

Thanks Sheri. I'm glad it went well too, but I don't think we need to speak again.

I'm back in NC mode. Plus I have too much pride to call back....lol.

-Izuri