relationship breakup-blended families

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2007
relationship breakup-blended families
2
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 8:21pm

I have been divorced for over six years. Shortly after I met a wonderful man and we were friends initially and then it grew into a wonderful relationship at first. I have two children and he has three. My children were always very accepting of him - his children were for a short time until his ex found out about us then it all changed. I was not involved in any of his family occassions or holidays if his children were there, yet, he was always a part of mine. I could be with his family as long as his children were not there. It's not the children's fault they had to contend with being loyal to their mother and if they were not they paid a price - so I was told. This went on for four years and during that time he kept wanting me to be committed and patient. We never went away together with the kids in the summer (although he came with me and mine). It was so hard and in the last year in particular we started arguing a lot. He wanted total commitment from me and kept promising things will work out. Well, they did not work out. He started blaming me because I was not understanding enough. He was talking marriage, being together. How much hope could I have when if we were together his children may not come around. That would be devestating to him and me. I suggested counselling, we went once and he did not like what the counsellor said "your ex is controlling you through your children". That was the end of that.
Yes, there are other issues too, but right now I am not comfortable enough to talk about them.

We have been apart now for five months and it has not been easy. We loved each other so much but I could never stand between a father and his children. Thinking back now I am questioning a lot of things, like, did he love me as much as he said he did, how long did he think this was going to go on. My friends and family saw how unhapy I was. Everytime we had a get together he was always alone, never with his kids. I have to be honest, it was so frustrating I sometimes felt like a part time mistress rather than the love of his life. Now, I just want to go on with my life as much as it hurt. We were both very good to each other but the last year was devestating emotionally.

This is just a brief overview - all I ever wanted was to be all together for both of us. I really feel let down. Any one had the same type of experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:47pm

Welcome to the board marlin777,


It's really hard when you see the truth and the counselor saw the truth, but he wasn't willing to face the truth or do anything about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2007
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 8:28pm

Thank you for answering. Sometimes my issues seem far beyond reality to others. Thanks for cluing in. I appreciate your viewpoint. I knew it all along just did not face it. It's been a long road giving everything you have. Thanks for listening.