Remind me why I can't get over this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Remind me why I can't get over this
8
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:10am

Been a long day, I was on the boards a lot today. Thought I would feel better, but I'm heading to bed and just need to vent or ask for help


So I broke things off a few months back, after a long year. He had a hookup about 16 months ago, I've known for

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:15am
i'm so sorry :(
i'm very familiar with the "why" parts of the after-breakup. i'm still kinda dealing with that. it's a normal reaction i think. in my case, i always felt having answers and explanations would make me feel more "in controL" of the situation, or at least understanding of it.
either way, what i've been told is to not focus so much on him or the "why's" but to focus on yourself, on your healing. think about what you want out of life, out of relationships in general. do stuff you've wanted to do. use this experience to grow.
cut off contact. your better off that way.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:55pm

I haven't been in the same situation but I wanted to offer my support (I've been okay but lately feeling down in the dumps, too). From another perspective about moving on, I can tell you that the first time my ex and I broke up, I was very vocal about missing him and wanting him back in my life. Now, this time (we just broke up a couple of weeks ago), I will not say those things, NOT because I don't feel that way, but because I am trying to respect his decision (he initiated the breakup) and want to retain my self-respect. I haven't come to terms with the breakup, but I am trying to.

I'm sure your ex is not having an easier time with this; I'm sure he's still working through it, as you are.

As far as all that sadness and anger (I have it, too), I know one day it will not be there. I think the process of letting go of it is gradual and often painful.

Hugs to you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 1:30pm

Your post sounds exactly how I feel. I am angry alot and not sure what to do about it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 3:14pm

elanneh


I hope you're right, I hope he's working thru things. Maybe I feel this way because its New Years and I wonder how drunk he'll get tonite (I predict very), who will he be kissing at midnight and probably hooking up with- as a way to get over me. I'll be at a party too but I know myself and I'm not looking to hook up with anyone- but I wish he would at least wonder about me, like I wonder about him.


I thought I was doing really well a month ago, I dont know where all these new feelings are coming from. Like I said, I think its because he stopped telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. Now the reality has hit that he may be over me- and its not fair when he did all this to hurt me. I think I know deep down he really isn't over me yet, but he is going to move on.


I understand your reasons for not contacting your ex, and maintaining self respect. My ex was nutty when we first broke up. Calling all the time and the drunk phone calls almost became amusing at times if they weren't so annoying. I think all those things though told me that he was as hurt as me and not over me, but now that they've ceased- I'm left with the fact that he put me here, he caused me to break up with him and now he is probably going to hook up with some girl tonite and in the future and I'm just not ready for all this :(


Happy New year everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 7:11pm
No one wants to hear this, but I'd give anything for a druken phone call tonight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 10:22pm

I really hope this doesn't sound strange, lovergrl18, but in a way you're helping ME out a great deal. Every time I think the pressure mounting of wanting to contact my ex is going to explode I read some of your posts and it stops me. Because for the same reason you are now starting to feel the loss of your ex, I'm hoping my ex feels that because I have NOT contacted him. Does that make any sense?

I feel that if I cave then he will feel relief that I'm OK and that he did the right thing and feel less guilty. I want to be the mystery...even if I never got him back I want to be the mystery. I want him to think of me as the one who got away...and never looked back. If I call, that will vanish into thin air.

I don't want to undermine your pain though. He did something terrible to you, and basically you were left no choice in the long run.

I just wanted you to know, that in a weird way, you're helping me a lot!

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty blue tonight. I want to know what he is doing so bad and I'm tempted as hell to read his blog but I won't. I'm forcing myself to go out tonight even though I'm not thrilled about going out at all. I guess it has to be better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:39pm

hmmm, why he did it?

To the point, you will never know and you will never understand. Because that's not something you or I or most of the people on this board will ever understand because that's not the type of people we are. For the most part, it seems that most of us intrinsically know where the value lies in our lives. Meaning that when we're attracted to another person, we brush it off because we value what we already have. Not generalizing, but for the most part, a lot of the people I know who cheat or leave their SOs honestly think that nothing will ever happen...until they have to face the music. And they're suprised when it 'gets out'.

And you know, I'm sure the decision to end it wasn't easy. But on the other hand, you have a better understanding of where your bottomline is, which is a ton more than many many people I know.

All the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 8:05pm

mdrsfr


Thanks for your response, I think I do understand why you hope your ex feels a certain way if you don't contact him.