Reply to 'Hopeful1111'
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| Fri, 07-27-2007 - 12:56am |
You sound EXACTLY like me in so many ways:
1) I was ALWAYS apologizing to him for what HE DID TO ME.
2) I keep thinking about him with her (have you wished she would die in a car accident, yet. Or better yet, both of them. Awful, how this pain turns me into such a hateful person. But, if something happened to her, and he came back to you..... I'm sure we've all thought about it) and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.
3) I have went out with friends, had a good time, and drove home crying over him.
4) Feeling just like someone died (But, the counselors say that it is the same in a way. I'm sure it's explained on here or in one of those books you just got)
And, of course all the other comparisons we previously mentioned. I feel bad that you have to work with him. Every guy I ever got serious with (before him) I worked with them, but fortunately, when those relationships ended, we were no longer working at the same place. But here's just as awful of a situation:
I was unemployed when I met him (we met in Dec.-yes, it was only 6 1/2 months, but believe me, the pain is no less), and the whole time I was with him I worked 3 jobs for short periods of time. The first one, I got laid off, the second, fired/quit, the third one (which was the biggest surprise & only 2 weeks), laid off. Well, I have never ever in over 20 years of working had this much of a problem getting and keeping a job. This issue alone is making me question myself of my worth. In the past, if I was having personal problems, I'd work overtime if I could, as so not to deal with them. On the job, I always felt in control and sure of myself. Well, the whole time he knew me, I was already going through the "job problem", which has of course been causing financial problems (I live with my brother and his wife, and I did collect unemployment, but still...). So, he has never known me at my best, plus, he brought out my weaknesses (hence why we act like crazy women with them). Anyway, what I'm getting to is my WHAMMY: He broke up with me the same day I found out I was laid off, AGAIN! That day, I called the suicide hotline....which was REALLY bad.
So not only am I trying to get over a broken heart, I'm trying to find a job....It's 10 times harder occupying your mind, when you don't work, and you already feel like a loser, and you get passed over for jobs you interviewed for: IT'S HARD TO KEEP STRONG AND NOT JUST TOTALLY LOSE IT! So, this message board has REALLY saved my sanity.
You do not know how much I appreciate responses to my post, no matter what you say (advise-whether I agree with it or not, sharing your own story, or anything). I read you are in NY. I live in Las Vegas (another thing that makes everything harder-whole other long, long story). But, it's so great having someone to share my grief with.
Tina

It is consuming me. He knows this is killing me, and I'm sure he fees somewhat bad, but why doesn't he care? I want to go into his office and ask him if we can go to dinner and talk later or something, but that would just go against ALL the advice I've been given about making him think that I am strong and moving on. I'm just so afraid that he's gonna continue to see this girl and love her more than he loved me. I want to talk to him so bad, but I know it will drive him crazy. The weekend is here, as much as I'd like to enjoy myself, I'm going to be wondering what he is doing and how he could replace me. I don't know how to stop being sick over this. People say to get the thought out of my head and think about positive things...which I've been trying to do, but every time I try to think of something else, I go right back to him and her. I know what you mean about sharing your grief with someone on here. It does help. I am sorry to hear about your job...you will find another one. Maybe you can relocate? Maybe there are more job opportunities elsewhere? I'm not sure of your situation, I know it is difficult to just get up and move. Try not to let your pain show through when you are interviewing. Be confident and act like they need you more than you need them. I guess the same goes for a guy! Everything will be ok...try to hang in there.