response wasn't good, feeling dead insid
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response wasn't good, feeling dead insid
| Sun, 03-05-2006 - 1:41pm |
Hi again - I posted last week that my heart was so broken over my fiance ending things. He ended it over my insecurities with his ex-wife and my hesitation to move again to be with him. I had already moved once to be with him (we live about an hours plane flight away), didn't work out so I moved back home then after a few years of getting back together he proposed. It had only been three months that we were engaged, I had even looked at dresses but I really did want to be married this time before going back and also wanted to be sure we were on stable ground before packing up and moving AGAIN. I did what some suggested on the board and told him I'm working on my insecurities, going to therapy, saw the error of my ways but yesterday I got a VERY firm email that we need to leave each other alone and not drag this out. I'm so crushed I can't stop crying. Can anyone provide insight into the challenges that go along with helping to raise 3 boys 13, 11 and 9 years old with an ex wife in the picture too. And for some reason no matter what he did I just couldn't get past a nagging feeling that he wasn't completely over his ex, that maybe he never will be. She left him and we started dated only three months after the divorce. Any words of wisdom would be so appreciated. I just don't know why if he claimed to love me more than anything a week earlier he's ready to call it quits now. HURTS SO BAD I JUST WANT TO DIE!

I agree with your comment about him not having taken enough time after his divorce to heal. Too many people jump into a new relationship, thinking that's the cure for heartbreak, but if you never properly heal from the last relationship you are just going to carry the same issues into the new one. And you definitely need to continue to go to therapy and work through what you need to work through. If they have children together, a man's ex-wife is always going to be in the picture. Perhaps going a while without talking to him is the best thing for both of you at the moment. Get your head together and decide what YOU want for your life. Maybe you were hesitating for a reason; maybe marrying someone and moving all the way across the country to be with him isn't what you really want for yourself. Get some space from the relationship and see if being with him is what you want for yourself; it's better to have these doubts now than after you move and change your whole life for him. Just don't make the same mistake he did and get into another relationship before you've completely healed from this one.
Steph
I think this is much more about him than about you. He definitely jumped into a relationship with you too quickly after his divorce...that's why I personally won't date men whose divorces haven't been final for *at least* a year.
And it's not inconsistent to love someone but realize that it's not going to work between you, so you shouldn't think that he was lying when he said he loved you (if that's what you're thinking). Love really doesn't conquer all.
I'm glad to hear you're going to counseling...that's a smart thing to do for yourself.
Sheri
HI KA1964
I CANT BLAME YOU IF YOU FEEL SO BAD RIGHT NOW...YOU BEEN TRYING TO WORK EVERYTHING OUT BUT STILL DIDNT WORK OUT....YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT REALLY KNOW HOWS YOUR BREAK UP GOES...AND I'M WONDERING IF YOUR BREAK UP INVOLVED SOME VERBAL WORDS!!!
COZ GUYS ARE LIKE THAT IF YOU SAY SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK THAT HURT HIM SO BAD...THIS MAKES HIS FEELING GOES AWAY...IT JUST LIKE A PIECE OF GLASS IF YOU BREAK IT THEIRS NO WAY YOU COULD PUT THE PIECES BACK...
OH WELL TOO BAD FOR HIM HE LOST YOU!!!! RIGHT NOW YOU DID YOUR BEST...BUT STILL HE DIDNT LET YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE...JUST RESPECT HIS DESICION !!!! JUST ALWAYSS REMEMBER IT NOT YOUR LOST AND SHOW HIM THAT...GOOD LUCK!!