I also feel the impulse to spend when I am in emotional pain.
I found an answer to my behavior in Pema Chodron's, "When Things Fall Apart", a book that has helped me make this the fastest and most fulfilling post-break-up experience of my life. Pema writes about emotionally difficult situations:
"Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape--all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can't stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain."
I, like you, find my pain eased when I shop, but I, too, also find that relief brief. In order to maintain the relief, I have to keep buying, and buy bigger and better things, until I notice that, when I am too tired or poor to shop anymore, the pain is still there, as strong as ever.
My answer to pain, what has worked for me, is to feel it. Chodron's book has helped me learn how. Facing and feeling pain requires bravery and practice, but my overall suffering is miniscule compared to what I felt when I used to resist and struggle against it.
I used to be a retail therapy person, but I found that I didn't feel any better once the 'high' wore off. After this break-up, I've spent some money (about $100) on books that will help me
thanks for the advice, everyone. i'll have to look that book up.
thing is, i don't feel that i'm "burying" or avoiding my feelings by buying these things. i think if i were in avoidance, i wouldn't be crying almost every day, right? or talking about it, or writing about it...
I don't think there is anything wrong with treating yourself once in awhile, but be careful with the charge cards! What I do is, I might take $40-$50 dollars in cash to the mall with me, and leave the rest of it in the bank. Me with a charge card inside a bath&body works store, or Barnes&Noble is not a good combination.
yes it does. But I find there's a downtime right after your purchase. Kind of like, "what that's it? I don't feel anything"
What I DO do is I'll buy a ton of stuff one day, and return it the next day so I don't go broke. It's awful and I'm in denial...but it sure looks pretty on my table
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
I've been guilty of some retail therapy, but it seems to have come later in my healing process than for many of you. Right after the breakup I couldn't even face shopping. I didn't have the energy and would have had a hard time convincing myself that I deserved anything nice (yeah, I was pretty low). But now I've reached a point where I can say yes, that looks good on me, or that will make a nice addition to my apartment and I deserve to be surrounded by things that I find beautiful. I haven't gone into debt or anything like that, but it does make me feel like I'm taking care of myself again and that I have some kind of hope for the future. And that has to be a good thing.
Good morning, showtime.
I also feel the impulse to spend when I am in emotional pain.
I found an answer to my behavior in Pema Chodron's, "When Things Fall Apart", a book that has helped me make this the fastest and most fulfilling post-break-up experience of my life. Pema writes about emotionally difficult situations:
"Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape--all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can't stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain."
I, like you, find my pain eased when I shop, but I, too, also find that relief brief. In order to maintain the relief, I have to keep buying, and buy bigger and better things, until I notice that, when I am too tired or poor to shop anymore, the pain is still there, as strong as ever.
My answer to pain, what has worked for me, is to feel it. Chodron's book has helped me learn how. Facing and feeling pain requires bravery and practice, but my overall suffering is miniscule compared to what I felt when I used to resist and struggle against it.
Good luck in your journey!
Everyone deals with grief differently.
I used to be a retail therapy person, but I found that I didn't feel any better once the 'high' wore off. After this break-up, I've spent some money (about $100) on books that will help me
thanks for the advice, everyone. i'll have to look that book up.
thing is, i don't feel that i'm "burying" or avoiding my feelings by buying these things. i think if i were in avoidance, i wouldn't be crying almost every day, right? or talking about it, or writing about it...
material stuff and food
I don't think there is anything wrong with treating yourself once in awhile, but be careful with the charge cards! What I do is, I might take $40-$50 dollars in cash to the mall with me, and leave the rest of it in the bank. Me with a charge card inside a bath&body works store, or Barnes&Noble is not a good combination.
yes it does. But I find there's a downtime right after your purchase. Kind of like, "what that's it? I don't feel anything"
What I DO do is I'll buy a ton of stuff one day, and return it the next day so I don't go broke. It's awful and I'm in denial...but it sure looks pretty on my table
all the best
::What I DO do is I'll buy a ton of stuff one day, and return it the next day so I don't go broke.::
i sooo don't have that much discipline.
Thoughts on retail therapy in general:
I've been guilty of some retail therapy, but it seems to have come later in my healing process than for many of you. Right after the breakup I couldn't even face shopping. I didn't have the energy and would have had a hard time convincing myself that I deserved anything nice (yeah, I was pretty low). But now I've reached a point where I can say yes, that looks good on me, or that will make a nice addition to my apartment and I deserve to be surrounded by things that I find beautiful. I haven't gone into debt or anything like that, but it does make me feel like I'm taking care of myself again and that I have some kind of hope for the future. And that has to be a good thing.