Returning stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Returning stuff
3
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:15pm

Hi -

I had a question about "stuff" from a relationship.

It's been about 2 weeks since I broke up with my bf of 2 years. I still think about him everyday and it's hard to go a day without crying.

I have stuff from the relationship, things he made and gave me: many gifts, cards, pictures, notes, etc. Having those things around me reminded me of the good times and how he was soo sweet and thoughtful. So I knew I needed to get them out of my sight. I put them all in a box.

I don't want to know that I have them hidden away. Cause maybe I'll happen upon them and start missing him all over again.

And I don't want to throw them away because then I feel like I'll be throwing our relationship away for good. And although our relationship is over for NOW, I think we both agree that it's not over for GOOD. And that we both aren't writing off the possibility of getting back together once we grow and if we realize we do want to be together...But right now I'm seeing this as a breakup and definitely not a break. But I guess we always have that glimmer of hope.

So what should I do? Should I return them to him since he gave me all of those things? Should I hide them in my closet? Can I move on with those things still in my closet? Yes they are just "things" but they have so much meaning to them. I remember when I got them and I felt so happy. :(

I was planning on giving them back to him. And telling him that I couldn't have those things anymore...

Any advice appreciated..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
In reply to: r2boston
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:23pm
Don't give them back to him because then he might think you don't want them. Keep them in the box you put them in & put the box away like in an attic or basement or garage. And, just leave them there for now just like your leaving the relationship for now. I knwo it's hard but be strong & if it's meant to be it will work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: r2boston
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:48pm

I second what curlygrl30 said word for word ;)


In 5, 10, 20 years, one of two things will happen: Either you'll be together again and you'll be glad you held onto the things, or you will be so over him and will have no problem sorting through it all and keeping only the most sentimental stuff, stuff you'll look at when you're a little old lady and smile at the memories of a life well-lived.


No one ever thinks of that.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: r2boston
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 3:47pm

Put them away in a closet you rarely use. Or if your place is too small to do that, give them to a friend with a lot of storage space to hold ;-).

And yes, once they are out of sight, I've found they are out of mind. Eventually, the stuff will lose its power to hurt you and will just give you fond memories (assuming you don't get back together), or at least that's been my experience. I don't believe in throwing stuff out--it's part of my past, my history, so I like to keep it, I just don't look at it until I'm ready.

Giving back gifts is never appropriate in any event.

Sheri