Reverse the curse?
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Reverse the curse?
| Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:09am |
no comments so i deleted this...
Edited 10/14/2007 9:31 pm ET by devuchka
| Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:09am |
no comments so i deleted this...
Hi devuchka,
The weekends are so slow....
Thanks. Since you wrote, I'll recap...
He kept saying we didn't have anything in common & I took that like he just wanted to break up too. I don't know if he was really looking for an answer to that.
Wondering if I should have addressed that & said we can make things in common, but I felt he didn't really care to...?
I tend to be of the opinion that it doesn't matter what the excuse is, if someone wants out, no point in addressing their excuse...
Hmm, I think it's normal to second guess ourselves, to want to 'fix' something that the other person really believes can't be fixed (the bargaining part of the grief process).
what's odd is that he did ask my opinion on this & we talked about it for 2 hours. at the end of the conversation he said he didn't want to be exclusive, i could keep dating other guys, but he wasn't dating other people & wasn't interested in it. (huh?)
he brought the things in common topic up again in the break-up conversation which i rather forced on him b/c i wanted a decision, but didn't remember what i'd said before. just remembered his thought process which he seemed stuck in.
i figured he really wanted to believe it since he wasn't accepting input to the contrary or like you said, trying to change. but he seemed to be talking out of both sides of his mouth so i wasn't sure which side to listen to.
finally i listened to the "get away" side instead of the "come here" side & left...
::i figured he really wanted to believe it since he wasn't accepting input to the contrary or like you said, trying to change. but he seemed to be talking out of both sides of his mouth so i wasn't sure which side to listen to.
That would be hard to know which one to listen to. We make the best decision we can, in the moment, with the info available.
yes, you're right. you go with your gut in the end for the best results.
something interesting happened lately. i've had an ex (that wanted to marry me a few years ago) show up again & want to go on vacation, see me, etc. i find myself not wanting to do this really as our conversations bring up again the same frustration i used to feel with him. like not emotionally connecting with me, me not being heard, etc.
i find myself saying stuff to stall it, & put off the conversation & the event. i don't really want to come out & say I don't want to date you again so i just make excuses.
similar to what my recent ex did with me.
so in the end, like i said, who cares what the excuse is. the fact is, there IS one...since i am now using the same tactic, it's more clear.
on the other hand, i find myself not wanting to burn the bridge just in case i change my mind. of course also what my recent ex is doing with me. hah. what goes around comes around...
Don't look at it as burning a bridge, but rather closing one door (firmly) so another can open.....
And you are right, what goes around, comes around.