Rid me of this stupid feeling... help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
Rid me of this stupid feeling... help!
3
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 12:41am

I have been dating this guy, Matt, for 2 1/2 years. We were inseperable when we were together, since i went to a school and hour away. But I recently moved home and we saw each other everyday. We were so in love with each other. But when we did have our fights and did take our breaks, i always dated someone to get him off my mind. Matt would always find out and he pissed and never let me live it down. In the end I would always come running back to Matt, because the feeling that I had with him was completely unlike any other. He would always say I was the one, he even talked to his dad about proposing to me. My family and friends absolutely hated him, and hated me with him. 6 months ago, he asked for space, and I rebelled and said if he wanted space then we were done. Ever since then, we would always talk and see each other. I have dated other people to get my mind off of him, and been completely honest with Matt about it. He would come over and cuddle, saying he loved me and would asked if i love him too, and he wanted to get back together. I would end the relationships with these guys because my head was still into Matt. ONE WEEK LATER (11/25), i asked him out again, and he said no, he was seeing someone since (10/22). He likes her and wants to make it work between them. I am devestated. I talked to him two days ago, he said that he wasnt in love with me, but he loved me as a person. He wants to hang out but he doesnt want me to get jealous when this girl becomes his girlfriend. I have asked question pertaining to how old is she, where is she from, and he says I dont want to talk about it. I dont know what to do, I can't stop thinking about it. This feeling I have with him, is something i have never experienced, I cry all the time, i dont eat, or sleep, im completely and utterly devestated. I don't know what to think, people tell me he is making her up since he wont give any details. people say he is still in love with me, but he is just trying to get back at me. I want so many asnwers and i feel that i will never get them. What does it sound like to you?
BTW, i havent talked to him since he has told me he has fallen out of love with me. If he wants me, he knows where to find me... but im still confused... HELP!?!!

Caroline

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 11:21am
You need to move on and let go of the man you wanted Matt to be. It doesn't sound like he's making his new gal up, but if she is fictious, and "he is just trying to get back at me", why do you want a guy who would intentionally hurt you like that? Would purposfully make up a person just to hurt you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 11:23am

I think you need to slow WAY down in your relationships. Your tendency to run off and date other people every time you have a disagreement with your main boyfriend is self-serving. Essentially, you're using the others as band-aids that you'll discard as soon as you feel well enough to go back to your main guy and patch things up. Obviously this tendency has not served you well because it has eroded and finally destroyed the trust Matt has in you. You've run off so many times he's lost faith in the idea that you'll be there for the long haul...who can blame him for dropping the marriage idea? You also deny him the space he requested, even though you freely used it whenever it was convenient for you. You need to resolve your control issues ("if you need space, we're through"). It's actually a form of abuse...attempting to keep someone in your cage of influence by threatening retaliation.

I'm sure Matt has issues to work on too. The fact that your family and friends dislike him and dislike you with him is not a good sign. Although there are plenty of exceptions where family and friends misjudge, they often have our best interests in mind and can observe negative behaviors in our mates that we refuse or can't see because we're so high on the apparent feeling of "love."

I am sorry for your pain...2 1/2 years is a long time to invest in someone. It will take time to re-discover your own interests and routines without Matt in your life. From everything I am reading, your relationship has been rocky from the start and has very little if any, future. Someday you'll look back and realize you made the right decision. You should consider reading "He's Scared, She's Scared" to get a better idea of the cycles men and women perpetuate in relationships. You can order it at the library for free. Good luck...

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 12:49pm

If he has fallen out of love with you, and he has told you this, there is nothing you can do but move on.







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