Ridicously addicted....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Ridicously addicted....
1
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 4:57am

I have no doubt recieved very good and helpful advice here about my breakup last month. I tried to stear clear of all of his nonsense. And fo about 2 weeks I played hard ball. No phone contact except to talk about the kids, no seeing each other nothing. I am beginng to feel stronger and more positive about my life and where it isn't heading anymore. I still thought about him and the new girl (whom I learned used to babysit our children several years ago-yuck!) but I jest kept telling myself that she could have all the grief, because he wasn't going to change for her...

Well then he came at me with all of his appologies and regret. He loves me and wants to try and do right by me-no more other women, no more lies-he swore on the life of his mother...Did I do the right thing and walk away?? Sadly no.

I was sucked back in and everything was being hashed out between us-we have alot of things to deal with-yes? But then funny little things began to happen again, late night disapearances where he would not answer his phone for hours, lies that I swa right through. Then when I brought these up to him, I get well I have changed my mind, this drama is too much for me. Don't get me wrong I wasn't the happiest of women asking him where did he disappear to at 10 at night and refuse my calls-especially after all the cheating, but I was calm and willing to listen.

So now he tells me that he changed his mind and is back to being unsure of us...I told him either all or nothing and he refused to give me an answer. Then in this same day I learn that he is still talking with the babysitter and he tells me that he isn't sure if he will stop. So I am done AGAIN.

But after you stop groaning! What is my problem? I knew he can't change! I know he could never tell the truth EVER! What was I thinking?

Am I in love with the idea of us working out-that he will "choose" me over the younger version of me? Good Grief!!

Now I have to begin again...When will I learn? This has happened too many times for me to keep falling for the same old crap-happily I might add...

Should I see someone? Do I really feel that badly about myself to keep asking for more...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 9:19pm

I am sorry you are involved in such a difficult and painful situation. It sounds like you have already been through a lot with this guy, which makes it that much harder to get over, in my opinion.

If you have the means to see a counselor, I would highly recommend doing so. A counselor can really help you dig into your issues and figure out why it is you keep going back to this guy who is clearly toxic for you.

I think you need to try some new methods to keep from contacting him and going back to him. Maybe you could carry around a list of the reasons why you know you should not go back. I think the more physical reminders of how he is toxic for you you have around, the better.

I guess the bottom line is that going back with him probably feels good in the short term. Giving up hope that you can work things out is very difficult, but it is something you have to do. In the long term, not contacting him and resolving any issues you have on your own is what is really best for you. It takes a lot of strength to do it, but I know you can do it. You obviously deserve much better than a man who cheats on you, so start treating yourself better! Do it right now! What do you enjoy doing? What can you do for yourself to better your future today? Do those things. Do whatever you can to stop thinking about your ex (as much as you can given that there are children involved).

You will get through this, I know you can do it. Start working on things now and you will feel better. Post here whenever you're feeling down, we're here for you.

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Visit the Breaking Up is Hard to Do web page!

Nikki