Is this right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Is this right?
2
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 1:33am
Sorry to any of you who have read my post on another board 'Mending Broken Hearts' I just wanted to see if anyone here had any advice for me? I really don't know what to do and since I am young and this is my first relationship I would love some help from someone who has been in a similar experience or just even has an opinion about it! Sorry for the jabber I will get to the point now.

*My bestfriend in the world also my now ex-boyfriend we broke up over a month ago not due to a fight but for the simple reason that he was moving out of the state for a year and I refused to be in a LDR. At first I regretted this decision because he was my first, my everything and my bestfriend too but now I don't as he has little to no time to contact me due to studying. I hear from him maybe 1/2times a week if I'm lucky and it is just too hard for me. I was a little upset for the first few weeks but I just kept busy,hung out with friends etc. and I was doing pretty good.

Then last week I talked to him and I just started shaking uncontrolably I was so upset crying and I haven't been the same since. It's like it's finally sunk in that he's not coming back I guess? We were still going to be 'best friends' while he was gone but now I'm thinking that maybe I should end contact with him for a few months so I can get my life on track again? I don't know because I miss talking to him so much and being able to speak to him/ see him all the time like usual..but on the other hand I would feel bad cutting contact with him when he is in a new state and doesn't know anyone? I encouraged him to go when he was unsure and told him it would be the best thing for him so I would feel so bad just cutting him off? After he got there we would talk he would tell me how me missed me/loved me/thought of me often but I never reciprocated I just told him once that 'everyone missed him at home' never pinpoint myself or anything. He doesn't say these things anymore I'm guessing it's because I kind of 'snubbed him' but I can't say them when were not going out?

I want him in my life forever whether he is my groom at the wedding or in the first row, it is just hard not having him with me. I have been down lately some of my friends have been trying to set me up with other guys but I feel like I'm cheating on him and my heart just isn't in it? But I know I'm not cheating on him all my friends say the fastest way to move on is to date somone new? They say I should date other people well I'm young and take advantage of this opportunity while I can..Thanks to anyone and everyone who reads I know it is incredibly long!!!! Sorry

Thanks guys&gals!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: trixi83
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:32pm
Welcome to the board. I know breakups are tough but you'll get through this and we're here to help!! I think ending contact for awhile is a great idea. Don't worry about him...he's a big boy and can take care of himself. He still has his other friends at home and he'll be making new friends in no time. Bottom line is...you need to do what's best for you....not him. Just tell him that you care for him but you need to take some time away from him to get over your feelings and that you'll contact him when you're ready to resume your friendship and do just that. Don't call, e-mail, write etc until you're completely over him and then try your friendship. it worked for me and my ex and I know it does work! As for healing by dating others...that depends on the person...it doesn't sound to me like you're quite ready to date again. Just do things at your own pace. Good luck and keep us posted and remember we're here to help when you need us!!











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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: trixi83
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 9:03pm

:( Thank you for the advice cl-heidi hibbit,

I wish there was another way then to cut him out of my life. He has been part of it for so long I wish my feelings for him could just go away and we could just be best friends again, just not in the same states that would be nice. I guess I will have to talk to him about it so I don't just cut off contact out of the blue..I know I am young and still have a lot to learn thank you so much for your help again I appreciate it.

Trix