This is a rollercoaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
This is a rollercoaster
6
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 5:10pm
About 1 hour ago, I posted that my ex and I got back together. I just called him and we started talking and he said he wants to be cautious and he doesn't want to just jump back into things. I agreed with him. He said he's going away next weekend, and that was going to be part of my Christmas gift. (we were broken up during Christmas so we never exchanged gifts). I asked him if I can still go because now we're back together, or talking again, and he said he didn't know. This made me sick in my stomach. I'm not even sure what i'm writing here. I'm now an emotional wreck again. Crying, sick in the stomach. He said that he wants to continue, and he wants to have fun time with me. As in--no fighting, discussing the relationship endlessly, etc. I agreed. Then he said he'd call me back. Now i'm waiting by the phone. And when he does call, what the hell am I going to say? I have certain needs that I need to explain to him before we get back together. But I don't want to sound needy or pushy. These are things that just need to be said because i've never had the chance to before. I'm just miserable. I think i'll go home, take 2 tylenol pm's and call it a night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 5:21pm

If I were you I would *THINK LIKE A GUY*

This is what I try to do regarding my ex, I think like a guy, I don't let stupid things get to me. I don't allow myself to think too much about things he says or does. I just go with the flow and live my life. It seems to work, trust me. He hasn't pulled away from me, and we're in a really good place.

Another thing: Look at you and your ex getting back together as a totally new relationship and him as a totally new guy. (some advice our dear CL gave me)

Hope I helped.

~Amber

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 5:32pm

Did you at least have a talk about the issues that caused you to break up in the first place? Because I guess I don't see the point of getting back together if those things are not addressed and resolved.

It doesn't sound like you did, so I would say something like, "look, I agree that it's not a good idea to have endless relationship talks, but there are some things that we need to resolve if we are going to make this work. Can we have lunch/dinner/meet for coffee to talk about those things and resolve them so we don't have to deal with them later? I would really need that in order to feel comfortable getting back together." Definitely make it an in person talk--that is NOT something to discuss by phone, text or email!

And honestly if he isn't willing to do what you need to in order for you to feel comfortable being together again, then I'd wonder if he's really a good match for you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:23pm

:::I would really need that in order to feel comfortable getting back together."

I took your advice, and when he did call me back last night, we spoke for 2 hours and talked about a lot of stuff. But in particular, I said, "We both need to be comfortable in this relationship". It makes total sense. We are seeing each other Saturady night. We're going to celebrate some stuff that we each did as individuals, not as a couple.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:27pm

Sorry, your post has me a bit confused. You addressed and resolved the issues why you broke up, or you're going to when you see him Sat night?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:42pm
We definitely didn't fix the problems or discuss the issues at length last night. We pretty much 'glossed' over them. He just wants to be with me without all this drama and these problems. So for now, i'll give him what he wants. I'll be fun and lively and attractive and all that crap. We won't discuss any relationship stuff on saturday. We'll have a fun evening like we did in the beginning. I want to reel him in and hook 'em. I have to play the game. There's no other way.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:45pm

Hmm, I don't agree, but you need to do what you feel you need to do. I hope it works out for you!

Sheri