Rollercoaster of a day

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Rollercoaster of a day
2
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 7:40pm
Hi all,

What a day. I'm absolutely drained. I woke up pretty ok....wasn't crying, which was nice. Went out for a run, came back, got my haircut, was feeling pretty good about myself. Then had a phone conversation with the ex. From the moment we started talking I felt ill, and then the shaking started. He said it was over...again. And it hurt....again. Said he was happier now than he was with me....and of course that hurt. HE just doesn't get it. Doesn't understand why I may cut off contact with him. DOesn't get that there's this girl who still loves him who wants him but can't have him. But during the convo he said lots of stuff that just pissed me off.....like how much he's been drinking....like how people know him as the party guy....how that makes him happy. To me, he should grow up. Realize you don't have to get wasted and drink everyone under the table in order to have fun. But that's just my opinion, I realize. Thing is, he wasn't like this when we started dating. He was concentrating on school. Then he took a year off and he went crazy. Anyway, felt really crappy after talking with him...shaking a lot. Left the apartment, and had an hour long convo with my supervisor for my masters about all this crap. Went book shopping...just tried to get centered. After eating supper, I became exhausted. And that's where I am right now. wiped out. I feel like I've experienced all emotions today....and I can't handle it. So, looking back on the day, I guess the thing to eliminate is contact with him. That's hard. God that's hard. Right now I'm writing this to stop myself from writing an e-mail to him apologizing to him. He said that when he came back from New Zealand (where he was for 2.5 months before coming back and breaking up with me) he wanted to see if there was any "change" in me.....a reason to stay together...he said he didn't see it. Of course he didn't!!! I was sick with worry about him breaking up with me...I had no idea what was going on. How could I possibly act normal???? For goodness sake! Did he just expect that I would act normal and happy when I felt so nervous? This guy....I don't know. He has some weird ideas. Just don't know how he walk away so easily. I hope that my next guy (cause I know someone will come along.....eventually) is actually open about his feelings and talks to me when something is bothering him...instead of expecting me to just act the way he thinks I should. Grrrrrrrrr. I HATE feeling like this! Sorry for the rambling post...just needed to get it out.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to:
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 12:55pm
karen... your rambling made perfect sense to me... you're right about the no contact. It's hard but easier than talking to someone who has rejected you... your guy sounds like he is trying to place the blame on you... waiting to see if YOU changed? WHAT? It's HIS decision what to do with his life and you shouldn't have to "change" for him to want to be in your life. That IS a weird idea and a cowards way out of being the bad guy by ending the relationship....

ah, the drinking. My stb-x husband, who is 32 yrs old, still thinks it's cool to get drunk, really disgustingly drunk, and to be known as the party boy. He is LOOOOOONG since out of college though, and all of his friends know he is an angry drunk. He just gets really mean. He has the unique ability to say things that hit you with 100% force without ever raising a fist... it made every party we went to a nerve racking occasion for me because I never knew if he was going to have 2 drinks or 20. I finally told him I was not going to babysit anymore and that if we went to a party he needed to have $60 on him so he could get a cab home. I kept waiting for him to grow up during our 9 yrs together and it just never happened... the worst thing is he didn't drink like that while we were dating... not until we were married and I had said "for better for worse"... so he lied too. Totally misled me into believing he didn't enjoy that scene.

so, yeah, I know how you feel. Just remember this is NOT your fault. He walked away... let him go... no more contact (that is a reminder for me as much as you!)... take care of you... hugs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to:
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 1:44pm
(((Karen))) I know this is tough....but you know what you need to do and I really think stopping all contact with him could do you a world of good and help you get over him that much quicker. Good luck and keep us posted!!! We're here if you need us.
Photobucket