Rug ripped from under me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Rug ripped from under me
11
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 4:06pm

I am almost 27- this is the first time a guy has broken up w/me & I don't understand what happened. We had been together for 6 months, he persued me first. The first night we met he told me that he knew I was meant for him- poured his heart out to me for 30min straight. I was very attracted to him, but confused because I was involed w/someone (for 6yrs) during the time- but I knew I wasn't happy in my relationship & wasn't "fulfilled".

Anyhow, I broke up w/my BF, and started seeing the new guy. We were long distance at first- we would email & talk everyday & he was very forward to me- I liked him alot but was unsure what I wanted since I just stepped out of a long relationship. We would spend weekends togehter & the 4th time we actually saw each other (had talked for about 2 months)he told me he was in love with me. I had fallen for him too. From there our relationshiip was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I wound up moving to where he lived (had my own place though). He brought up marriage, took me ring shopping, flew me home to met his parents (I was the 1st GF he brought home!). About 2 months ago we both decided to move again (back to where I had lived before- and he actually used to live in that state, FL, as well & missed it so we thought it would be great). I moved back 1st & he had to finish out is job and followed 3 weeks later. When he mvoed we were going to be 3hr from each other (job reasons). A week before he moved down he said he is ready to take our relationship to the next level & wants to move in together. Neither of us had ever lived with anyone & took it as a big step. But, he said he knows I am "the one". So, we get an apartment- he was moving in first, I was to follow in about a month (had to resign from my job).

So, we spent weekends togehter furnishing our new place, etc. He actually called me one night & told me to resign from my job the next day because he missed me so much & wanted me there. SO, I quit my job the next day. Our last weekend together was great. I started moving stuff in- but wasn't "offically" moving in for another week. I had re-arranged my life to move over. So, even our last weekend together he was so excited abuot everything- everything we did (snuggling, watching TV, cooking dinner) he followed with "I can't wait to do this all the time!". We went out for dinner & he asked me where I was on the marriage subject- I asked him how he felt first & he said "I am ready, I love you so much & have never felt this way". Even that morning we were laying in bed & he said "we are going to have beautiful kids!" and he was figuring out a budget so we could get married & buy a house by next year. On Sunday night I had to start driving back home- he hugged me so much saying he wished I was already there & couldnt wait until next week when I move in, etc etc. 3hrs later I got home & called him & again he said "I miss you so much already & love you so much & am so excited for everything"......

Well, 3 days go by & I don't hear from him & I finally call him. He tells me he thinks we are moving too fast & we are not ready to move in. He also tells me that he feels I love him more then he does me (waht?!). I am shock because all he's friggin been talking about is OUR LIFE & how excited he is & how in love he is with me! I ask him "ok, you are not ready to live together, we are going to be 3hrs apart- what do you want from our relationship?"...and he basically broke up with me!!! I am soooo heartbroken, & angry!! I rearranged my life to move over there- we planned it a month agao & you tell me 1 week before I am to move???? Mostly I am upset because I love him so much & was ready to begin our lives togther...oh- and as he is breaking up w/me he told me he bought me an enagmemnt ring!!!!!!!! WTF???? It's been 3 weeks now & I am still miserable. He called me a few days after he broke up w/me & left such a nonchalent VM, like nothing had happened- he was calling to "check in". I never called him back. I emailed him about setting a time so I can get all my things back (1/2 the stuff in the apartment is mine). We've emailed like 4 times & at the end of his last 2 emails he wrote "I miss talking to you & hope we can talk when you are ready" and the last one said "I think about you alot".... It's been 3 weeks & I know if he wanted to get back together, he would have made more effort- so I guess he doesn't want me back. But, why is he writing this things at the end of his emails?? I yelled at him for leading me on & saying things w/out meaning them (the marriage, moveing in, etc). So I hope he is not stupid enough to write those things thinking I would think nothing of it... My heart hurts so much, I 've never gone through this pain- now I have no job either because of him so I am left home alone crying & thinking of things over & over...It just makes NO sense to me & that is the hardeset part- how can you look me in the eyes & tell me how in love you are w/me & promise the world & the next day take it all back?????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 10:43pm
It's all totally normal, what you're feeling. You had strong feelings for him for 6 months and why should you be expected to just turn it off instantly? It's going to take some time, I'm sorry to say. It needs to sink in, and at some point you will have perspective and understanding of what happened. A few years ago, I went through a break up with someone I loved and thought I was going to end up with. I never believed ANYONE who told me it would get better. the only thing I looked forward to was sleep, so I could forget about the whole thing. It was horrible. But day by day, week by week, it got a little better. It was a process, but it happened, it really did. And when you totally forget, you fall for someone else, and you can barely remember "what's his name." I promise you. Can you go stay with your family or friends? You need support right now. I can't remember where you said you were living at the moment. Is there something that can take your mind off of it for a moment -- a magazine you like to read, a TV show you like? seriously, it sounds silly, but the more you can do things like that, the better you'll feel. But you're still going to have ups and downs and "how could he do this to me?" thoughts. But they will slowly diminish. And if anyone of us had the answer to how he could do it, we'd be rich. Human behavior is scary as hell. Just hang in there, use these boards, write in a journal. Anything that helps. You're going to be ok, even if you don't know it yet!

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