Rug yanked out from under me
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Rug yanked out from under me
| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:14pm |
For the past 3 months, I have dated a guy who treated me like gold, took me on trips overseas, spent every weekend with me, saw me several times during the week, called me every day, was adoring and attentive. Last weekend, he started acting strange, then he stopped calling me all together. When I got in touch with him, I found out that he's getting back together with his estranged wife (I met him a year after they separated and he assured me constantly that he had no feelings whatsoever for her). Up until the last time I saw him, he was lovey-dovey and talking about trips we would take together, even though apparently he had already decided to go back to her. By the way, she cheated on him and left him for someone else. When that didn't work out, she decided she wanted him back. He had convinced me that his mind was made up and he had no interest in her. I am completely shocked, disgusted, and horrified that I was fooled and duped so badly. I feel raw and depressed. It's not like he was my soul mate -- I was drawn in by the attention and the attraction -- but the fact that I have been so shockingly kicked in the gut and deceived. I've had a few bad dating experiences, I'm almost 38, and I'm not sure I can trust anyone anymore, or keep hoping to meet someone. Mostly I just feel foolish and sickened. Please, some encouragement -- even similar experiences -- would help right now.

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I second that book nomination by Memphis. I have suggested Men Who Can't Love to others on this board because it has been such a tremendous help in 2, count 'em, 2 situations for me!
I know for other readers they experienced this too, but the first time I read MWCL, my mouth dropped... it was like I was reading about my ex exactly. I would even call a friend of mine and read her passages out of it in disbelief. It helped me get thru a really hard time and made me see it's not YOU it's HIS own deep rooted issues.
I have it on hand now for situation #2 and have dogeared pages that are perfect. It's like a bible on dudes.
Read away and you will not be disappointed!
I don't think it's possible without counseling (having dealt with those issues myself) and I think the authors come to the same conclusion, if I'm not mistaken.
Sheri
Oh, definitely. If anything, I probably err too much the other way now...I tend to give men who are available and interested in me more dates than I really should, even if I'm not all that attracted or interested in them, because I want to bend over backwards to make sure it's really the particular *guy*, and not my commitment issues, that are causing me not to be attracted/interested. I have to keep reminding myself that just because a man is interested and available, doesn't mean he's *right* for me.
But even though I'm very aware of my issues, and with the help of counseling, in the past few years have stopped dating and walked away from quite a few men who showed themselves to be clearly unavailable early in the dating process, occasionally I do backslide and succomb to the strong chemistry of the "unavailable man". It's an ongoing battle, I'm afraid.
Sheri
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