rushed in and now crushed in
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| Thu, 08-16-2007 - 6:06pm |
So, 6 weeks ago i met a great guy and we spent almost all the time together and things were great. I had no problems with him and figured i'd be with this guy for a little while. I even was jumping ahead of myself and was told (on here) to just slow down a bit... so i did.
Well, Monday night he tells me that he doesn't think we can see each other anymore.
He thinks he may be moving back home to be with his family and doesn't want to get hurt even more down the line if we continued to see each other and we grew closer.
In a way, it seemed logical and I had to accept it.
We left it at he would keep me updated as to what he was doing, and maybe hopefully there would be some good news where he decided he would stay and we could see each other again.
So that was that and so I've been hurt by it since Monday and just trying to cope each day.
We all know it is hard...
Well, last night I was missing him, so I searched for his profile on the site we met so i could just "see" him... (lame right) and noticed that he had signed on!?
Now, why, if just breaking up with me because it would be too painful in continuing seeing me if he should move, why, if telling me he needs to get his life in order before seeing anyone, why would he sign onto a dating site the very next day you just broke up with someone to which you should be torn about?
Maybe he was doing the same thing as me - looking at my profile because he missed me?
Maybe he was just completely bored, needed to take his mind off of things and found himself wasting time on the site...
or what i am just afraid of - he is an excellent liar and a player and is looking for someone else already.
I really hate overanalyzing - it just hurts to think there is a bad reason why he would have signed back on so soon?
I just really feel like asking him because I really want to know and it is eating away at me!
If I found out it was all one big lie, it would actually be easier for me to move on, so it feels like i'm in limbo not really knowing the answer... whether I should be sad that we cant be together because he was a great guy or upset that he turned out to be a liar and not such a great guyy!?
SIGH - sometimes i think i aught to just disconnect the internet...

I'm sorry--but I think that was an excuse and not the real reason he broke up with you. Sure, there might be an element of truth to it, but it wouldn't make sense to break up with someone if you "thought" you "might" move.
I'd be very cautious in the future of any guy who wants to rush into things...as I think I've posted to you before, they are the ones who most commonly end things just as quickly as they started. Many of the guys who do that are addicted to the "rush" of a new relationship and when that starts to wear off, they move on to someone else.
Sheri
If there are three things I learned about break ups its.
Failing to find closure or putting yourself in relationship limbo is something you're doing to yourself. You're basically hanging around the corner waiting for him to come back, but you keep yourself there on the pretense of needing closure, or another reasonable excuse, or maybe his last email gave you hope that he'd come back....endless reasons.
Trying to get a reasonable explanation about the break up is the biggest waste of time..because no matter what he or anyone says, you'll never be satisified.
No news is good news...keep it that way. Disconnect that internet and get off that corner
cheers
Susanna
Welcome to the board arbylee7,
I gotta say I agree with what Susanna wrote, especially this part:
"Trying to get a reasonable explanation about the break up is the biggest waste of time..because no matter what he or anyone says, you'll never be satisified."
I also want to point out that for a 6 week relationship the two of you moved very fast.
Hi,
Thanks...
The only thing that moved fast was that we saw each other a lot... I spent a few nights at his house, but we didn't rush into anything else because I like to take my time...
it even took us the third date to kiss! HAHA
We did talk a lot, about everything and anything... we always talked about anything that was bothering us... it just felt like pure chemistry and we were so comfortable with each other.
I knew he was struggling with his job and family from day one because he always would talk about the problems.
His reason for ending it sounds logical though - he knew we were getting close and he didn't want us to get even closer, for the relationship to become serious, when he knew that at some point in the near future, he would be moving back home - the more time we would spend together, the harder it would be to let go - doesn't that make sense?
He hasn't signed onto the dating site again.
I know you should never go back to try to figure out what is truth and what is lie, it is over and you need to move on...
except, sometimes just putting my last word in makes me feel better and it is easier for me to move on. Especially if i think someone wasn't telling me the truth, i want them to know that i know what they did and that they didn't get away with it because i wasn't so easily manipulated. I don't even need an answer from them, I did what I had to do, they know i know and i can move on.
One of my ex's I told him that he didn't have to pretend to want to be my friend because I noticed he had another friend he seemed to be hanging out with... so it felt good to know that i made a good choice in not dating him anymore and it was easier for me to move on because I never had the feeling of "what if we would have been good together"...
I will let a few days go by and see how I am feeling. I know I am doing a lot better than Monday night, that is for sure... and hopefully i'll have enough to do when school starts in a week to keep myself pre-occupied from thinking about him and "what if's"
Thanks
"Sometimes just putting my last word in makes me feel better and it is easier for me to move on. Especially if i think someone wasn't telling me the truth, i want them to know that i know what they did and that they didn't get away with it because i wasn't so easily manipulated."
I am skeptical of this, I must admit. I don't think it's you that feels they need to clear up their name at the end, it's pretty much everyone. For example, my ex cheated on me twice...denied it both times, and broke up with me when I asked him point blank about it. I'm not stupid either. I know that if you call me daily (he was in china for two months) and then one day, you stop. And when we finally do talk, you're vague about your trip and your answers are all "yes...", "no.....", and "maybe...." there's something seriously wrong here. Or you go to a party and multiple people confirm that you left at 11:30 (his house is 15 minutes away) but you get home at 1am....there's something fishy going on here. But my point is, right now, I feel zero need to go tell him "yeah, well, I actually knew you were cheating on me both times, I'm not stupid". Why? Because I need to prove nothing to him. He knows what he did, whether or not I know is of no concern to him (unless one day I decide to smear his reputation the way he's apparently smearing mine right now). Furthermore, chances are...he KNOWS you're not stupid and that you've probrably figured it out. He'll wonder about when it'll come to bite him in the ass.
The funny thing is...this sort of crisis is a good indication of maturity and the respect a person has for you. Maturity because it means that he's able to make a decision and stand by it....and respect because he respects you enough to tell you the truth.
In any case, sometimes silence is the best last 'word'. It says "I KNOW you lied, and I don't care enough to confront you about it" better than anything you could say at all sometimes.
cheers
Susanna