Sad Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Sad Again
2
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 3:06pm

So...some stuff happened with my family and I was in crisis-mode for a few days. The break-up issue was temporarily dethroned.

I can tell that I am out of crisis because my sadness and disappointment about the break-up is back. I remind myself that he made the choice not to work so hard on his issues that were being triggered in our relationship (his words)...but then I wonder "why???" and think,
but if...". I know that is bargaining. I know I must accept.

I keep thinking, "I miss my boyfriend." But I don't have a boyfriend. More fantasy...more imagination = more suffering.

I love him. I miss him. I'm so disappointed we are not together.

*sad*




Edited 10/5/2007 3:08 pm ET by claudia_l78
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: claudia_l78
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 4:00pm

I'm so sorry for your sadness.

I think that as much as we don't want to be sad, it's inevitable part of the process.
If there was a pill we could take to make it all go away, I would certainly send it your way.

I completely understand your disappointment. I feel the same way. But, here's the thing: If he wasn't willing to work on his issues that the relationship was triggering, then he isn't the right man for you.
It's so simple really. Yet, under our cloud of sadness, all we can think about is how much we want them back. But we forget that if they cannot participate in the relationship with equal vigor then forget it. Just forget it.
He wasn't willing to do the work that was needed. So, be sad, but also slowly unfurl your hands from his, because he isn't the one. Not right now. Who knows what the future holds?

I wish I could listen to my OWN ADVICE.
You will survive this. And soon, in time, clarity will arrive and replace the pain and sadness.

Good luck and keep posting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
In reply to: claudia_l78
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 4:23pm
Thank you for writing that. It's perfect. He is not right for me. *sob* But it's true. Even with so many shared values and caring and love, he is not right for me. Right now. And now is all we have. He has to be who he is and where he is in his growth, and I have to be me and be where I am in my growth. We both want to grow, but where we are in our growth right now makes us not right for one another. Thank you, thank you for your message. My tears can flush out some more pain now.