Sad and lonely
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| Tue, 02-13-2007 - 8:42am |
How am I supposed to make it through the next couple of days? Last night I wanted him to knock on my door after his class (com. college is up the road), but he didn't. Tomorrow is going to be real tough, and already as of last night I could feel the pressure building. I went to Walmart yesterday after school, and there is Valentine's crap everywhere. Today I have to help decorate for a faculty workshop Wed. morning and guess what the theme is. They won't let me do any broken hearts. Then Wed. morning I have to participate and teach this workshop, and administration will be there, and I am supposed to hold it together. Then the kids will all be wandering around with candygrams and such. I want to take the day off, but we have state testing in 5 days so I really can't. Tomorrow I want flowers to be delivered to my classroom. I want to cry in front of my students not because I miss my husband, but because he sent me an email, a card, or flowers. But he won't. It's been 6 days with no contact, 13 since he left. I don't need him to come back home yet. We're not ready for that. But talking this out, explaining what went wrong would be nice. Is it really that easy to fall out of love after 11 years together?
One of my friends and I are going to do something tomorrow night, maybe a movie. Her husband is going to be out of town, so she offered to do something with me so I'm not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. It's nice of her, but I almost want to sit at home in case he calls or comes by. But he won't. I just can't let go of the thought that he might.
I saw on tv last night where the coach and wife from Friday Night Lights were cuddling together in bed. I started to cry because I realized how much I miss that.
this week is really hard. I haven't spent a V-Day alone since 1994.

Thank you. A hug sounds really nice right now. I wish I could have read all of the great posts and responses today at work, but I can't access the message boards; it's blocked. But, I made it through today (the 2 page long email from a parent distracted me for a few hours), and I will make it through tomorrow. Most likely not with dry eyes, but that's ok. I'm sure that I will have a couple of female students (7th graders)crying over some boy tomorrow. I did tell one class today that Valentines needs to stay out of my door tomorrow, that it's not allowed in the classroom. When they continued to make a big deal about it, I reminded them that we have a big state writing test in4 days, and we don't need any distractions. They settled after that.
I ran into another teacher in the hall today, and we started talking about all of this. She's got a book at home that she's going to bring for me. Then she asked me about church. She told me where she goes, and invited me to go with her and her son on Sunday. She also asked if I would like to join a Women's Book Study group that the church has going on and we could go together. So, I looked up all the groups (I have actually already looked at this church last week too), and chose 2 groups. She's already signed up for one (it's called me and my mouth, lol) and she agreed to sign us up for the other. So yeah, I'm getting there. My goals are being fulfilled! I'm going to be ok....I want to think so, but sometimes it gets hard.
Keep your chins up. Tomorrow is just another day.