Sad & Lonely Need to Vent Sorry so Long

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sad & Lonely Need to Vent Sorry so Long
4
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 3:25pm

I am so sad and lonely =( I responded to a post titled, "We're Still in Love, But I Think It's Over." So if you want to read about my break you it's all written there. I need help figuring out what I should to help myself get over him. All my friends are married and don't go out anymore...yes, I mean all. I go to the gym, but when I return home all I do is think about him. I go to the book store and library to get all the books regarding breaks up and read them all the time. It's been helpful, but it's getting old.

I feel better during the week because I have work to help occupy my mind, but since it's the weekend I feel terrible. It's been rainy all week which isn't helping either =( I don't live with anyone which is also contribuing to my sadness. I know I have to pick myself up, but I don't feel like it....anyone else feel or felt the same? If so, what helped you?

I know my ex and I weren't meant to be. He was selfish and only thought about his goals and dreams thinking I would be along for the ride. It's just hard because like everyone else who experienced a break up, I loved him so much. We were best friends for 10 years prior to dating. For 10 years I would talk to him daily and see him twice a week to hang out. He was the one who supported me when my other relationships ended, but now he's no longer in my life. So now I have to deal with losing my best friend and boyfriend =( I know this must sound so crazy, but another reason why it's so hard is because he is very attractive. All the girls wanted him when we were just friends, and when we started dating it felt so good to be with someone so good looking.

Despite having different dreams and goals in life we got along so well on a day to day basis. We laughed all the time and made each other happy. The only time we fought is when we talked about our future together. My dreams were to get married, his were to support his family, especially put his brother through college. Basically, my dreams would have to be put on hold until his brother graduates which would be 4-5 years from now. Still there would be no guarantee that he would want to get married then because in his words what if something else came up and his parents needed him. I tried to start up a savings for both of us to contribute to, but it was a no go for him. Savings meaning just $20.00 a pay check which he could totally afford....he makes good money. He said he's not a planner and never was...he lives his life on the belief, whatever happens, happens. If it were meant to be then so be it, if not then oh well. His entire family doesn't work and expects my ex to take responsibility and support them. To make a very long story short, I couldn't deal with the fact that all my dreams, goals, and needs would always be put aside. I was upset all time because his parents/brother would call him for everything...our tv is broken we need a new one, I need money for books, our car is braking down, can you check my classes to make sure I'm taking the correct ones, etc. My ex feels so good and proud to be the person his family turns to all the time. I knew he helped his parents when we were just friends, but I didn't know it was to this extent.

There are times when I feel that I should have been more supportive, there are timess like right now I so badly want to call him and see if there is something we can do to work things out. I know I can't, I know I have to be strong. I should take my own advice to not settle for less than I deserve. I'm already 29 years old and feel like all the good ones are taken. I know that's not true....I hope, but it sure feels that way. I dislike going to bars, clubs, etc. so where am I suppose to meet a good guy who doesn't have big issues? I'm tired of giving so much and loving someone so much only to find out they have issues that they don't even recognize or feel a need to change. Dating now is going to be so difficult, at times I really try and convince myself that maybe I'm meant to be single forever and it's okay.

It's only been 15 hours since I had no contact........I wish it were 15 years. It hurts me to know that he's going out every night meeting new girls because that's how he gets over someone, by meeting someone new. He has lots of friends who are players...good looking for nothing, over 30 and not ready to settle, etc. Thank you to everyone who took the time to ready this. I know it's long and just a lot of rambling. Any advice or words of encouragement is greatly appreciated. If not, thanks for letting me express myself....it sure helps =) Sorry for sounding so pathetic...one day I'll be my happy self again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 6:37pm


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 8:22pm
Sweetie is is a sucky boat to be on...I have felt kind of the same way. Call your married friends. I just divorced a year ago and BELIEVE me married woman want to get out too. LOL...It has been 3 weeks for me, it does get easier. Like you I did not believe that, but it truly does. My ex and I love each other, but broke up. It sucks to break up when you are still in love....but it happens
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 4:02am
Thanks for your advice and words of encouragement =) I really love all the support this message board gives me. I was so happy to see that someone actually responded to my post! It was the first time I got excited in such a long time....Now I have something to look forward to instead of checking my email to see if my ex wrote. This is way better =) Thank You so Much!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 9:50am
Also try meetup.com. I'm going to an event thru them tuesday