Safe to assume we're over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Safe to assume we're over?
4
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:05am

Although we never officially broke up, I know that we are over just by how he is acting. He hasn't contacted me on his own in over a month. Since I last saw him December 24th there has been two phone calls (the last being on New Year's Day which I initiated), one e-mail (which he sent in answer to a text message), and a few text sessions (again, I initiated all of them). For someone who seemed to be the sweetest guy in the world six months ago he turned out to be the biggest jerk. It was a long distance relationship so it was going to be tough to begin with. He's a chef with a crazy schedule which made it even tougher. But when we first started talking, he just seemed to be so into that it was worth trying. He bought me a webcam so we could see each other on the computer. He used to say things like "I wish there was a job for you out here so you could move here" or "Come to France with me" (he's from France) and other things like that. The communication had died since I first went out to visit him, but it wasn't too bad. Just not as frequent as it used to be. I did question him about it because I just wanted to make sure everything was ok because I didn't want to continue the relationship if he wasn't into it as he first thought. Once I questioned him about the things that he said and his response was "So?". Still, I went to go visit him again before Christmas and was feeling better because he had left me a voicemail overnight about how he's sorry he's been disappearing and that he's going to try harder and that he was looking forward to spending the time with me. He even took everyday off from work to spend the time with me. We had a great time together as usual and, the moment I got onto the plane to go home was when everything suddenly died. No explanation as to why he suddenly stopped calling me except that he was really busy at work, didn't feel like talking to anybody, and that it was nothing personal. He promised he'd call and never did.

I don't get it. If he didn't want to continue the relationship for whatever reason, why wouldn't he just end it? I can't stand this "ignore her until she goes away" garbage that men seem to be pulling nowadays. This was a five month relationship not a couple of dinner and movie dates. If he ever does call, I have no intention of picking up the phone because I don't want to ever hear from him again. I want to send him his webcam back - no notes, nothing. I just don't want it. Am I overeacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 1:25pm

I've done that before, just send all their stuff back with no note.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 5:18pm

As much as I want to send his webcam back I don't want to deal with his phone calls afterwards or the possibility of him sending stuff back to me. It's definitely drama that I don't need.

I do agree that the best thing is to just not contact him at all (which I'm not). Some of my friends at work told me to call him and just tell him off because he's being a p*ssy and he needs to know how upset he's made me. Don't really see how that's going to help anything. They think it will make me feel better but it won't.

I went out there and questioned him because he's very inconsistent. One minute he's nonresponsive and then the next he's the boyfriend I always dreamed of. He always apologized for not being around as much as he used to and I always bought it, but lately it just seemed like he was stringing me along. I understand busy and he does sometimes go two weeks in a row, 14 hour days. Hey, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone after that. However, I was always very cool with just getting emails or text messages just to let me know you're alive. When that also died after this second visit, that's when I had enough.

Leaving him behind is the right move and I certainly don't need someone like that in my life. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. I really miss the sweet guy I met back in July.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 6:31pm

::Some of my friends at work told me to call him and just tell him off because he's being a p*ssy and he needs to know how upset he's made me.

I disagree with your friends. He really doesn't care how upset you are or his choices and behavior would have been different.

::Don't really see how that's going to help anything. They think it will make me feel better but it won't.

Since you know it won't, don't bother. But if you feel the need to vent, write him some UNSENT letters, then burn them.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 6:57pm

I don't think you're overreacting...I think you have hung in there a lot longer than necessary.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit