Same problem - time to let go
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| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:11am |
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I feel that I'm not a top priority in his life and that our future together wouldn't be good. But I love him, like I've loved no other. He went out of town for a week and the night before he was to leave, he asked if he could stay with me at my house. When he didn't show up after 2 hours, I called him asking what's going on. His response was he was hanging out with his room mate. This is a room mate that drinks and parties all night long. My reponse was that if he didn't want to spend time with me, that's fine, then he should consider himself single and NOT spend any more time with me. I told him we were over.
He called the next day and said he hopes we can work it out when he returns. I didn't respond. He called a couple of days later and I answered (not knowing it was him as he was calling from a different number) and asked if we were still broken up. I said yes. I don't ask for all his time, I don't need or want to see him 24/7, but I do believe that when you make plans with a person, you should respect them enough to call if you're changing plans. I WANT to spend time with him, but it seems that he doesn't WANT to spend time with me. I love him, I miss him, I know that if I wanted to get back together we could, but this has been going on for 3 years now. Part of it is because he has no job at the moment and is feeling very stressed out.
After 3 years of the same problem -- me waiting for him to participate with our lives, will it ever get better? Should I suffer this heart ache and hope that the future will bring a better relationship with someone else? I love him so much, and just want to feel loved back.

I know what you are going through because my boyfriend of 8 months didn't put me on his priorty list for the last month of our relationship and he has not returned my calls since Friday. I plan on calling him this weekend if I don't hear from him and explain that if he doesn't want to see me or talk to me that I am moving on and don't bother calling me again until he can make time for me and put me on his priorty list. A girl can only take being on an emotional roller coaster ride for so long and then you have to get off. I look at it this way, that if the guy doesn't make you a priorty, even though he says he loves you, he doesn't deserve you and there is someone else who does deserve you. I also gave my boyfriend a lot of freedom, never complained, and got a long with all his friends and family and you would think that would be ideal for him but some guys just don't see what they lost until it is gone.
I would stick to your guns and stay away from him until he can prove on a consistant basis that you can trust him and rely on him to be there for you. Until that happens, move on to better things.
....."After 3 years of the same problem -- me waiting for him to participate with our lives, will it ever get better?".....
Thanks for your replies.
I do know what needs to be done for us to have a healthy relationship -- he needs to stop taking drugs. And if he doesn't stop doing drugs, then I need to walk away forever. I try to act like it's no big deal, but every time he stands me up, it's because of the drugs. Now he's lost his job (probably drug related, but he won't admit it to me) and with more time on his hands the drugs are every day. Three years and the same problem - the drugs come first.
I've tried to get him to rehab, to stay away from the drugs - but I know that he has to take the first step. I love him so much and see so much more for his life, but I guess he doesn't.
When he's with me - he's fine. It seems like he has another life, where I won't be involved and I finally came to my senses and need him out of my life.
Ah, see, this is a completely different story.
....."I do know what needs to be done for us to have a healthy relationship -- he needs to stop taking drugs. And if he doesn't stop doing drugs, then I need to walk away forever."..... That's your answer right there.