Saw the ex, made it worse...
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| Tue, 10-09-2007 - 10:14pm |
So this past weekend I had to see the ex for work, and it was really great! I was all set to go in, prepared for the worst, and thought I had healed enough to be strong. But then, there he was, being all nice, and chatty. The entire weekend was so much better than I expected considering how our last contact ended up, it was almost like old times. There was no talk of the relationship, but there were memories, things brought up about old times, reminiscing about what was or fun times that we had. All round it was positive. I thought I was doing so well, then I got home, and then reality check. I was left with what I believe to be false hopes, and some confusion. I was left thinking that there might actually be a chance for us after all, but I think I'm just reading too much into it.

Hi dandosa,
Here's your previous posts for others to catch up:
Just want to move on, but can't, help!
Gotta see the ex soon :-(
Ok, I want to say, everything you feel is normal. You were anticipating the meet up, made it through it strong, fell apart after (totally normal) - what wasn't normal was telling him about it after and apologizing for it.
Starting over on No Contact is a good place to start.
I can
Oh, so this is the guy that unceremoniously dumped you like a cad by introducing you to the other girlfriend.
You don't need to ask him what he's doing this, I'll give you the answer - he just wants to know you don't think he's a total jerk. Next week, if I were in your shoes, I would not give him a shred of encouragement. Such that be civil if he approaches you, keep conversation at a minimum, and take off ASAP. He should be made to feel the distance without you having to resort to be rude if you get my drift. It's not childish - it's the same way I'd treat a friend who backstabbed me and tried to make small talk. I'm not mad, I have better things and people to invest my time into.
Plus, I find I wonder way more about exes that are civil than when the ones that sulk and scream at me. First one screams "you flew out of mind the moment I hung up the phone" and the second one is just pathetic.
Lastly: repeat to yourself "even if there was hope, I would not waste a second on someone who did not have the decency to confront me about our break up with respect".
good luck!
:what wasn't normal was telling him about it after and apologizing for it:
respectfully disagreeing that making contact with the ex IS normal. in fact, not making contact is abnormal.
i applaud the administrators' support for no contact on this board, but i disagree with the assumption that we're abnormal or something is wrong if we contact them.
it may not be ideal but it is not wrong or abnormal. it is just what happens when you're habituated to contact someone & then poof, they're gone...
devuchka-
Yes breaking the habit of contacting him a couple of months ago was tough, and then after seeing him, and our insignificant texting sessions, it was tough to not fall back into that bad habit.
i sent an e-mail to my ex telling him that i know he lied & what it was about. makes me sounds like a b**** but i feel so free now. like the truth set me free.
for some reason pretending i believed his lies really kept me from either having a good r-ship with him or moving on. just breaking that cycle & putting them in front of his face makes me strong, realistic & no longer an idiot.
i think some forms of contact are good, but only if they're in our best interest. i'm going back to no contact today but i feel so much better.
sometimes it's the fooling yourself that is the worst, not the fact that they tried to fool you...when you admit you're not fooled anymore it's really freeing.
not that this has anything to do with your post, just venting.
Of course your vent is somewhat