Saw the ex, made it worse...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Saw the ex, made it worse...
10
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 10:14pm

So this past weekend I had to see the ex for work, and it was really great! I was all set to go in, prepared for the worst, and thought I had healed enough to be strong. But then, there he was, being all nice, and chatty. The entire weekend was so much better than I expected considering how our last contact ended up, it was almost like old times. There was no talk of the relationship, but there were memories, things brought up about old times, reminiscing about what was or fun times that we had. All round it was positive. I thought I was doing so well, then I got home, and then reality check. I was left with what I believe to be false hopes, and some confusion. I was left thinking that there might actually be a chance for us after all, but I think I'm just reading too much into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 12:43am

Hi dandosa,


Here's your previous posts for others to catch up:


Just want to move on, but can't, help!


Gotta see the ex soon :-(


Ok, I want to say, everything you feel is normal. You were anticipating the meet up, made it through it strong, fell apart after (totally normal) - what wasn't normal was telling him about it after and apologizing for it.


Starting over on No Contact is a good place to start.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 1:17am

I can

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 9:28pm
Im in your same boat. I was on day 5 of no contact and my ex came up to my office, for who knows why. He tried to talk to me and I bailed out as quick as I could. I was so proud of myself, to the point that I didnt reset my no contact calender! But heres the kicker, I have to teach a class with him on Monday and Tuesday, and stay in a hotel there as well. That will be fun. The class is Monday from 1-5 and then Tue from 8-12. Its 2 hours way from our homes so we have to stay there. I am already preparing myself for teaching and being professional with this man that I am totally in love with and then at 5pm saying "see you tomorrow" and disappearing for the night. Then Tuesday teaching and at 12 saying, have a safe trip home. No one actually believes this will work out quite in my favor, in fact, there are 2 lunch bets on it. One says hanky panky will occur and another says that I will nto be strong and say the words of....nope, I got nothing, dont want to have dinner, dont want to talk,etc. Im nervous as all hell because good gosh I love this man. Monday would be day 10 of no contact. And like I said, he is the one that tried to break it on us and I chose to bail the heck out of there and left him standing with his jaw open in front of all my coworkers which are also his coworers. But I knwo what he was doing, he was testing the waters to see if he still had me....and even though he does, he doesnt need to know that. Im so worried that Im going to get my hopes up and see hope, because thats what he does..he talks, but he does not know what the heck hewants so at the moment he may be totally sincere in wanting to work things out with me.......but then the next day rethink it and then rethink it again. When he is totally sincere for a month straight is when I might give him enough time to have coffee with him, but Im not counting on that. Ive waited 2 months and technically longer, he can wait till I have my head straight on to know that I am confident he is not bailing. However, Im done hoping for that.......and Im preparing for the worst come next week. (will say he gave me quite the ego boost and a couple cards I didnt feel like I have before...)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 11:36pm

Oh, so this is the guy that unceremoniously dumped you like a cad by introducing you to the other girlfriend.

You don't need to ask him what he's doing this, I'll give you the answer - he just wants to know you don't think he's a total jerk. Next week, if I were in your shoes, I would not give him a shred of encouragement. Such that be civil if he approaches you, keep conversation at a minimum, and take off ASAP. He should be made to feel the distance without you having to resort to be rude if you get my drift. It's not childish - it's the same way I'd treat a friend who backstabbed me and tried to make small talk. I'm not mad, I have better things and people to invest my time into.

Plus, I find I wonder way more about exes that are civil than when the ones that sulk and scream at me. First one screams "you flew out of mind the moment I hung up the phone" and the second one is just pathetic.

Lastly: repeat to yourself "even if there was hope, I would not waste a second on someone who did not have the decency to confront me about our break up with respect".

good luck!

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 10:39am
Well I've had a few days to think about my actions..and well let's learn a little bit about me...My mind works overtime, always thinking big, always wanting more than can realistically happen sometimes, hopes go up, and they are also crushed. Although I have had success, and have worked very hard to get what I need in my life, I have also had several disappointments along the way
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 10:42am

:what wasn't normal was telling him about it after and apologizing for it:


respectfully disagreeing that making contact with the ex IS normal. in fact, not making contact is abnormal.


i applaud the administrators' support for no contact on this board, but i disagree with the assumption that we're abnormal or something is wrong if we contact them.


it may not be ideal but it is not wrong or abnormal. it is just what happens when you're habituated to contact someone & then poof, they're gone...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 10:56am

devuchka-


Yes breaking the habit of contacting him a couple of months ago was tough, and then after seeing him, and our insignificant texting sessions, it was tough to not fall back into that bad habit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 11:50am
Obviously I wasn't clear. It's normal to contact, yes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 12:05pm

i sent an e-mail to my ex telling him that i know he lied & what it was about. makes me sounds like a b**** but i feel so free now. like the truth set me free.


for some reason pretending i believed his lies really kept me from either having a good r-ship with him or moving on. just breaking that cycle & putting them in front of his face makes me strong, realistic & no longer an idiot.


i think some forms of contact are good, but only if they're in our best interest. i'm going back to no contact today but i feel so much better.


sometimes it's the fooling yourself that is the worst, not the fact that they tried to fool you...when you admit you're not fooled anymore it's really freeing.


not that this has anything to do with your post, just venting.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 12:27pm

Of course your vent is somewhat