saw him and her.... :(
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:05am |
Yesterday 3 of my friends and I had a day of lunch, shopping and a movie planned. Things were going great (I wasn't even thinking of my ex of 3 weeks today...) until I got out of the bathroom at the movies...There she was. The girl I had suspected my ex got involved with just a few short days after he broke up with me (for the second time). I work with the girl, so I thought I'd say hello (of course I just wanted to see if it was really her...and of course, it was)...I was just mad when I saw her because I knew she wouldn't be on that side of town unless she was with him...Then I walk into the theatre where the movie we were going to see was playing and who walks in? She does. They were seeing the same movie. I saw her sit down with him and I completely lost it. I just don't understand how he can already be seeing someone already.
A friend of mine (actually, the friend that introduced me to my ex) thinks that when we broke up the first time that's when he did all of his greiving and that when we got back together (even though HE is the one who initiated the getting back together) things just weren't the same. Yes, I will agree with that--things weren't the same because I was constantly worried he would leave again (with time I know the feelings would've subsided though.) In addition, even I had an easier time the second time (I could actually get out of bed and go to work the second time...)but by no means was it easy enough that I could start dating someone right away...I just can't shake the feeling that she has something I don't. I did everything I could on my end to ensure that we had a great relationship....but I've been replaced already.
I was his first real girlfriend. He didn't date in highschool nor did he date his first 2 years of college (he 'saw' people, but nothing exclusive like we had)...He told me he loved me, but how can he let go of me so easily if he really loves me? I know that we aren't compatible for marriage at this point in time because he has a lot to learn about relationships and such (I do too, but I had the upper hand in that dept. in our relationship because I've had boyfriends and gone through a major break up before), but even so, this hurts so much. I feel like I mean nothing to him anymore. The girl he is dating now just graduated from high school and he is going to be a senior in college. I guess it's possible that because (according to his friends) I was the first girl to REALLY show interest in him that when we broke up he took interest in the very next person who showed interest in him since it isn't something he experiences all the time...and she's young, so she's probably smitten with the fact that she has a "cool" boyfriend who can go to the bar and is graduating college in less than a year. Plus, she's young, so he'll probably have the upperhand in this relationship (experiencewise) like I had in ours....
I just don't know what to think....she's going to a different college than he is and we did the long distance thing and it was hard...I hate to think that he's going to do that with her. I'm tired of thinking that I'm doing alright and then something like this happens and I'm right back where I was when he told me "goodbye".

My very recent "ex" is doing this same kind of thing. Much younger, less mature girl who I'm sure thinks that he left me because he really loves her, this time will be different and they'll live happily ever after. Alas, I highly doubt this will be the case and in all honesty I just plain feel sorry for her. He is using her to avoid dealing with the fact that our relationship needed to end and that (yes) he was at least 50% responsible for the damaged state of things. He cheated on me with her and now claims that he is happy with his new relationship. Trust me honey, that new girl ain't got nothin' you don't! You're right, it probably gives him an ego boost so that he can content himself with the knowledge that he did the right thing.
I hope you can recognize that since you have taken time to "mourn" your relationship and be single and get comfortable being yourself again that you are without question a more grown-up and honest person than he is. If that was the case all along, be grateful that you didn't spend any more of your wonderful self on this emotionally stunted child of a man. Please don't direct your confusion at yourself ("What did I do wrong?" or "Why was I such a fool?"), since that does nothing but harm you. You've been harmed enough. All you did was love someone and there is never anything wrong with that.
One final thing - be careful that you do not paint your relationship in prettier-than-necessary terms. It's a very easy thing to do in the nostalgia that follows a breakup. I'm willing to bet that things weren't going that grandly and you might not have even been that happy. But now that this has happened, you (of course) feel victimized and are wondering if you ever meant anything to him, regardless of how bad/good your relationship was at the end. This is a perfectly natural reaction, but as someone told me a few days ago, if you didn't mean anything to him he wouldn't have dated you in the first place and, in your case, definitely wouldn't have dated you a second time. So rest assured that you meant a whole lot to him. Maybe that's why he's with someone else so fast. Does that make sense? He couldn't handle being alone and knowing that he wasn't going to be with you anymore, so he grabbed the first thing that came his way.
Take it easy,
Jennifer
Thank you so much for basically confirming all of the things I've been thinking. I know that you don't know him and you don't know for sure what happened, but to have an outsider who's been through basically the same thing as I have and say the same things I'm thinking (without having ever talked to me) really makes me feel like I'm not just being naieve and that maybe I do have a decent understanding of what's going on.
Still though, I can't help but think, "how can he be so happy with her after we ended such a short time ago?" It just boggles my mind. How can a person go into another relationship if their heart and mind aren't completely in it? I mean, there is no way he is not thinking of me atleast sometimes, as we were together for a long time (considering I was his first "real" girlfriend and all...I do think a year is a pretty long time though...) I know that people handle emotionally strenuous things differently, but I couldn't date someone right now even though I belive it would lessen my pain because I need time to reflect on our relationship. Our relationship was extremely important to me (and I know that it was important to him as well) and still is and neither of us had ever been so happy as we were when we were together so how could he just jump into something so soon? I know that the feelings in a new relationship are so strong and everything seems so perfect and that's what he remembers most about our relationship because for so long we really did have an absolutely wonderful relationship (towards the end I definitely wasn't near as happy though) so I can see how he'd want to duplicate that feeling.
Also, how can he do things he knows will hurt me? For instance, every once in awhile I slip up and put him back on my AIM list so I can check his away message and the past couple of times they have said something about her. He knows me well, possibly better than anyone else ever has, but yet he still doesn't even try to hide things from me. I know he doesn't have to and that he has a life which doesn't include me anymore, but still, I could never do that to him because I still care about him.
Maybe we can e-mail eachother or something (if you don't mind talking to a chick who talks a lot and has a ton of thoughts) since you've been through this, and well, in times like these it helps to have lots of friends :) Just let me know if you'd like to.
L.