Saw him in a bar...
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| Mon, 08-27-2007 - 11:39am |
Ok so,
Like I told you all before my beach house is 4 blocks away from where he lives now. I ran into him one night a few weeks ago at a bar and then he never called me on my birthday. I havnt spoken to him in 24 days now...
Saturday night I went out with all my girlfriends to a bar and he was there. The first time I saw him I just walked by and I dont think he saw me. The second time my friend walked in front and said she definitely made eye contact with her and he definitely saw her there while he was talking to a girl in a visor (she must be extremely cool). Then I simply sped by and went to the other side of the bar. (this bar has 7 rooms and is huge Twenty minutes later I decided we better leave so that I didn't do anything stupid. So we did.
I am proud of myself that I was able to walk past him and not say anything but I also wish that I knew he completely did see me so that I know he didnt make an attempt to talk to me. I went home that night and cried my eyes out but didnt call him or text him or anything (Thank God)
This weekend is the last weekend we have our beach house and there is a good chance I may never see him again. His birthday is on Saturday and I really want to say something to him either in an email, text message, birthday card or something that really gets my feelings out there as a final close... I am attaching the letter..
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated...
So it seems like you are really over me. If you are not, you are doing a great job of hiding it. I saw you at Headliners on Saturday and decided that I was going to send you this letter since we are now at the point where we cannot say hello to each other.
It was my Birthday on August 3 and you never called (obviously you know that.) It never even crossed my mind that you wouldn’t. I expected at least a text or an email simply saying “Happy Birthday.” But I got nothing. I am still in complete shock by it. It truly hurt me.
Throughout the entire time we knew each other we hardly ever fought, and I thought we had a great time together. I never ever had anything bad to ever say about you. I loved everything about you and thought you felt the same way. I loved spending time with you and thought we had so much in common. Now I find myself questioning everything and wondering if you were just using me because you were stuck at West Point and needed something to hold on to. When you graduated and the times got tougher, you just let go and pushed me a way. I still don’t understand it.
Bottom line is your behavior has completely changed towards me. I just never knew you were capable of hurting me, especially like this. You kept telling me that the only reason for the break was because you were going to be moving away and were not ready to get married. Now that I have more of a clear head I know that is not the case. If you love someone and want to make it work then you will try to make it work. There is no “it’s over.” We didn’t even try to work anything out. You just said, “that’s it, we are done.” All the times we cried about each other meant nothing. You wanted to be single (for what I don’t really know) but I am respecting that.
Your feelings for me obviously changed and you decided not to admit that to me. Because I truly believed that the distance was the only problem I honestly believed with my entire heart that we would get back together and make it work because we loved each other and that is all that mattered. If you had been honest from the beginning it would have saved me not only the heartbreak, but the humiliation and stupidity I am feeling right now.
It has been almost three months since the official break up but I had been starting it over week by week because I was still talking to you. That has ended. We havn’t talked in nearly a month and I am starting to really see things for what they are. “You still want to be friends” is obviously not true. A friend would call them on their birthday and a friend would want to know how they have been doing. The summer is over in a week and therefore so is our beach house. After that point there is a very good chance that I will never see you again. This is my way of saying goodbye and trying to get some sense of closure from all of this. The questions continue to spin in my head and I am sick of not having answers. Because I know you refuse to speak to me in person I figured this was the best way of trying to get a response from you.
If I don’t get a response from you, I am throwing out the pictures, the clothes and everything else that reminds me of you. I want to start over and move on with my life since the one person I have ever loved obviously wants nothing to do with me. So I will leave you alone and try to forget everything; the cruise, the basketball games, the Broadway plays, the nights in Fishkill, the nights crying to each other when I would leave West Point. I will put it all out of my mind because that is the only I can do at this point.
Best of luck with everything. I hope you find the girl and the freedom you are looking for.
By the way Happy Birthday.

I think sending the email would be a mistake. I don't see how that's going to give you "closure". That's something you give to yourself, in any event, you don't get it from the other person.
YOU know how you feel about things, and that's all that matters. There's no need for him to "buy in" to your vision of things in order to move on.
Sending this will set you back, not move you forward.
Sheri
mmcurtin,
Listen to Sheri, don't send it.
Major bad mistake if you send this, don't do it.