saw his profile on dating website, but

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
saw his profile on dating website, but
3
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 7:26pm

it actually has made me feel better. it didn't at first. at first i was upset to see it. i actually went and searched for him, since i thought i knew what his screenname would be, and it popped up. at first i was so startled, i closed it. and then i realized that shoot, he may be able to see that i looked at him. it has been a little over 5 weeks since our break-up. i have no photos really of him. just one on my cell that is all distorted and his eyes are closed. so i had not seen him for 5 weeks either. it definitely upset me because i thought wow, this really is final, he has really moved on, is looking to replace me. and i thought what is he looking for. i felt we were so good together, we were a good fit, i thought, not to sound full of myself, but i thought i was the perfect kind of girl for him. i think i am kind and sweet, i am smart, and i was very accepting ans supportive of him, especially once i found out he was a recovered drug addict a month into our relationship. and i loved him, so what else could he want out there.


then the next day, yesterday, i was like, i have to read his profile. i had never seen it before, he took it offline a week or so after we started dating. i thought his profile sounded so sweet, but i am biased. but when i read it more closely, some things stuck out to me, things that had i known before, i may have never have considered him. one thing he said was that whenever he gets too involved in one aspect of his life (work, social, romance) he always has to come back to a balance. i thought hmm, what a kind of odd thing to say. and it makes sense since i know him now. i felt like he left cause he felt his life was unmanageable, and he felt like things were out of his control and i think i was right after reading that. like he must have felt too involved in the relationship and thus imbalanced, and he had to get out to get that balance back? about 4 months in, he told me he was worried he was not enough for me, and suggested i was clingy and needed to be more independent, but really, it was him, he was just trying to push me away, because really, i did not think i had been clingy or needy like that at all. but he made me think i was and i tried so hard then to give him his space. i guess he was really just trying to push me away cause he was getting too involved in the relationship.


he also said in his profile that he wanted someone who was happy being alone. now, we all know that yes, we should all be happy on our own, a man will not solve our problems, we have to live our lives to the fullest, even if it is on our own. but i found it odd he would put it in his profile for a dating site that way. you would normally say you want someone independent. not that you want someone who is happy alone. and it made me think more about us, and how first, i know him, he is NOT happy alone. i often thought he was depressed and possibly could have used the help of some medication. but it came to me that he wanted to basically date someone for the first 4 months over and over again. have that nice new time, the beginning romance, but once you really started to share eachother's lives, it was too much for him. like 2 circles that stay separate and never overlap. he wanted to be alone yet still have a gf. that does not really work, at least not for me.


and then his pictures. he smiles in none of them, and they were all awful pictures. some blurry. one was one he took of himself looking a mirror with his cell phone in his gym clothes. not flattering pictures at all, and dark pictures too. reminded me again of him being kind of depressed and his always saying maybe he was not good enough, that he was not doing a good job, he wa always down on himself. and i thought these pictures, the way he has presented himself, show me that yes, he does not feel good about himself, he does not think well enough of himself to put up nice pictures where he looks happy and attractive. cause i thought he was adorable. but the pictures, just dark i think like his mood and how he felt about himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 9:35am

Hey ibiscool-


Good post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 11:21am

After my breakup with my ex I found his profile back up on the site where we had met. He used the same one without any changes. At first I was upset because we had only been broke up for 3 weeks. He had declared his undying love for me in the weeks after the breakup but he was already looking for someone new.

As kinda a *what's good for the goose....* thing I posted a new profile on the same site. It turned out to be one of the best ideas I'd ever had as I met my current SO from that profile. When I put up the profile I really had no expectations of meeting anyone, especially someone I would fall in love with. But I did and now feel fate had a hand in all of this. My new relationship is everything my old one wasn't. I truly met the man of my dreams.

LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 4:25pm
Thanks for posting..... it does get better with time!! ;)