Scared to death

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Scared to death
3
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 5:46am


Next week I am going to have to see my ex. After only two weeks of being broken up (and two weeks of no contact), I am going to now be seeing him 4 times a week at Uni. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I have been doing better, having my good and bad days without him, but him being in my face everyday is going to make everything so much harder.

I hate these feelings, I know it was the right thing for us to break up but the no contact thing is still killing me. I still want to hear from him, I still wish he cared. It's so hard to just let it go. I still check my emails all the time, my phone, even though I have promised myself that whatever happens in the future i will not go back to him.

It's a weird tension, like one part of me, the rational smart part of me (probably my head) is saying...well done Sandy, you have done so well, move on, you deserve better, someone who appreciates you etc. But then my heart can't shake the idea of US (my ex and I) not being together in the future. It's so strange, one part of me wants no contact and wants to move on and the other part is SCREAMING out for him. I dream about him everynight, I just can't believe how he doesn't want to speak to me, how we can have no contact. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my everything, we spoke about the future together, I wanted it. Sometimes I feel so strong and that I can be single and happy and find someone else and these is this part of me that is scared to death to face a future without him.

Do you think there is always a part of you that still loves your first love? Even if I move on which I hope I will, and get strong, be single, find someone else, whatever, I feel there will always be a very special place for him. WOuld that be correct? And has anyone had to face their ex everyday at work or studying? Any ideas on how to cope with that? What am i meant to do? Just say hello to him? Or ignore him seeing as we aren't talking? Right now my only plan is just to say hello then pretend like he doesn't exist and try to just forget that he is in the room.

Any ideas on how to cope, the best thing to do? I need help with this...next week is looming. It's going to be so hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:04am

I am sorry for what you are going through. I too lost my first love 12 weeks ago. I truly do believe that losing the first love is the hardest one to lose. Just know that you will get through this, it will get better, and you will love again.

As far as seeing him goes, I would just say hello and then nothing else. If he wants to talk to you and you're okay with him talking to you that's okay. But don't try and sit there and continue to talk to him. I saw my ex for the first time in 3 months last night.

Love is a tricky thing. Our heads are screaming that we're better than this, but our hearts our broken and only want to talk to the ex. I always choose to follow my heart, but make sure your head is there with you.

Break-ups are extremely hard, even though this is my first one, I've learned so much about myself and about relationships that I didn't know before.

Use this time to focus on yourself. And gradually you will feel better. There is not a stairstep process though it is extremely up and down. One day you'll feel great, the next you'll feel horrible. Just take it for what it is, feel the feelings, don't try to block them out, it will just make things worse.

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:16pm
Girl let me tell you. You will always love you ex. Even if you're not in love with him, you will always find a source of love in your heart directed towards only him. I can't tell you anything about movin on because I need to do that myself. But if you can't move on, honey I say use what you got to get what you want. Now don't take that to far but I'm just sayin let him know what he's missin without him even knowing that all that shake is directed towards him. Don't keep givin him eye contact. just make sure he knows when you enter the room and when you exit. Don't avoid him. I've made that mistake and trust me it only makes matters worst. Say hi to him ever now and then. Girl I'll tell you. That "hi" alone will make him so confused, he won't be able to blink and walk at the same time (LOL).He'll be saying "Was that hi a hi baby, or a low baby, a yeah baby or a no baby. But seriously, since we can't move on as quick as we want, we gotta have fun in the process.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 4:01am

Thanks to you guys for replying, I guess I just need a bit of encouragement. But I don't think I can talk to him, I just have to say hello and then go and sit with and speak to friends. Its scary, but I have no choice.

Thanks again!

Sandy