Second Best
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| Sun, 06-25-2006 - 1:14am |
Hi All -
I've been away for a couple of years. I moved on from a very toxic relationship to someone who loved me dearly. Jim and I were going to get married. The problem is that he loves his stepson, Dennis, more (not really his stepson, a young man whose mother, now deceased, lived with for five years about twelve years ago). I accepted Dennis as part of my new family, and I thought he accepted me too. To make a long story short, he tried to con me out of a fairly substantial amount of money. He didn't succeed, but I'm still so hurt that he even tried. Jim pretty much took his side. In hindsight, I realize that Dennis didn't want to share Jim with me. I think he did it more to cause problems between Jim and me than to take my money. I don't think it has anything to do with his mother. His best friend and my best friend were seeing each other, and he caused problems in their relationship as well. I think he doesn't want anyone close to him to have anyone as important in their lives.
Well, I couldn't take the competition, so I told Jim to move out. I've given him a month to do so, so he's still around, and it's excruciating. We hardly speak. I know he's hurting. I do still love him very much, and I don't want him hurt, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, but he refuses to work this out with me. I know if I let it go this time, Dennis would continue to interfere in our life.
I'm sure I've done the right thing. Haven't I??? Thanks for listening!
Sue

Sue...
Although you still might have a question mark or two inside your head, Pianoguy thinks YOU MADE THE RIGHT CALL when it comes to having Jim move out.
PLEASE STICK TO THE TIMEFRAME! You might have to re-emphasize the date with Jim a few more times, but make sure he's out when you want him to be!
If Jim's priority has been (and continues to be) Dennis...anything you say or do will only come in 2nd! However...if you've placed him in a "it's my way or Dennis' way" situation, Jim has probably looked at the better option (of the 2)...and chosen the one he can live with?
I'm not suggesting that your ability "to bend and get along with both boys" is under scrutiny....but face it....there are many 3-some arrangements that AREN'T destined to last forever?
Pianoguy
annigoolihy...(or Sue):
PS from PG:
If you honestly feel that your relationship is being "sabotaged"---then you're in a NO WIN SITUATION! That means reconciliation with Jim and Dennis is virtually impossible.
I sense that you want to be in the #1 spot with Jim? And based on what you've written, this ain't gonna happen!
Pianoguy