Seeing him tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Seeing him tomorrow
3
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:48pm
Well, it's been about a month since I've actually seen my ex but we've exchanged a couple casual emails since then. I'm leaving town next week until July so I asked him for some of my things that I had left at the house when we broke up (about 2 months ago). This week we sent a couple emails back and forth and then I had a weak moment and wrote back telling him how much I missed him. He didn't write me back after that. So today I IMed to ask him if he'd go out to lunch with me tomorrow and he was hesitant but said ok. He already has another girlfriend so this is probably partially why he doesn't want to. So this is probably going to be the last time that I see him or talk to him for a quite a while since I'll be so far away.. well, this is a weird question.. but how should I act around him? I mean, do you think I should make like a last desperate plea for him back? or should I act super casual and act like I don't really care that it's over? I want him back so bad. I miss him so much it makes feel sick. I just don't know what to do.. I'm afraid that if I act like I don't care then he won't even bother wasting his time on me if he ever feels something for me again. This is so awful.. it seems so unfair how much of an emotional toll this has taken on me while he's out enjoying his new life. Anyways.. any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks..
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:04pm
Whatever you do, don't beg him to come back. If he's going to come back to you someday, acting desperate now and giving up your dignity won't help. Also, he has a new girlfriend. He obviously felt weird (his lack of response) when you told him you missed him. My suggestion would be to not meet him at all. You're not ready to see him. You still have feelings for him. Stop torturing yourself. Focus on your own life. I'm still healing from a pretty fresh break-up as well, so I know it's easier said than done. But you have to force yourself to move on. It will get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:18am
I think it's best to just move on. Take these upcoming months away as a time to break off the communication and start slowly healing yourself and moving on. When you see him, don't pretend that you don't care, but don't beg for him to get back together with you, either. Just be humble, use it as a time to say your goodbyes. You don't want to get back with a guy that's already moved on to another girl. He's starting to move on with his life and you should do the same. I'm not saying you need to go find someone, I'm just saying that you need to look inward, recognize that you are a beautiful awesome person and that one day, when you're ready for it, love will find you again. We all just have to live through the constant pain until the sun begins to shine through the clouds again. You are your own bright star in the distance that you can look forward to. You have a long, fulfilling, exciting life ahead of you, whether it seems like it now, or not. Like Greg Behrendt's book says, "It's called a breakup because it's broken". Don't try to fix it. It happened for a reason, or for lots of reasons and those reasons are not going to disappear if you were to get back together with him. (Sorry, I just went through a hurtful breakup less than 12 hours ago, but even through all of this pain, I can see that it wasn't meant to be, that I am better off looking toward a new future than to try to make the past work for me. I, too, am about to leave the country until March. I'm going to use it as a time to grow into my own, and I hope you do the same.) :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:17pm
So you know he's involved with someone else and you invite him to lunch? What are you thinking? It's going to hurt more to walk away for months after seeing him for lunch.


Carrie