Self-Preservation

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Self-Preservation
8
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 8:53pm

You know...I came here to vent my frustrations because I felt as though I couldn't or maybe I just didn't want to talk to anyone I knew and feel foolish all over again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 11:40pm

It's not completely unheard of that two pretty fine people sometimes don't work out with each other. It's just life. And chronic break ups don't necessitate counseling.

I can't pinpoint what keeps splitting the two of you apart or gauge whether or not the relationship is good or bad for you because I don't actually know the details of your relationship, but I'll toss out some nice general advice and you can see if any of it applies.

"I try so hard to let go of some issues but I just can't forget things that were said to me that felt like personal attacks on my character."

Firstly, it's good that you recognize that there are things you need to change. Everybody has patterns and habits that they're not proud of, even if they're fantastic people. To quote, I have a colleague who is really nice. Very sweet and motherly. Her one glaring fault is that she can't take criticism in any way. You advise her on how to better or more efficiently perform a task and she becomes incredibly defensive, which is a very unattractive quality. I don't know what was said to you, but if you're hearing things like "I would like it if you listened to me more" as a personal attack on your character, it might be adviseable to take a step back and not 'react'. A good book on this is the chapter on "Don't take anything personally" in the Four Agreements book. (see booklist that I'm sure someone will post)

"I feel as though I am never heard and as if my opinion does not count for anything. It makes me extremely frustrated and angry and sick."

One of the best exercises I did post-break up with my chaplain (or with anyone who is understanding and can spare a few hours) was to sit down and have me explain from "wide to narrow" as she calls it. So I started with "I am frustrated and angry" and she'd ask me "why" or 'explain' to every statement. It was really helpful to have someone prompt me to explain the root of my feelings because when you're forced to describe and justify it to someone else, you often find amazing insights and answers to many of the things that you didn't understand.

All the best,


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 10:49am

Thank you for responding to my posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 11:17am
Hon! If he needs a lady to solve his financial mess he is the unmarriable one. If he needs to verbally abuse someone to feel good about himself, he is the unmarriable one. Not you.
Seriously, it hurts, it sucks and it is hard but, RUN! run away from that pathetic little man. I don't know him, I don't know you, but from what I've read... geez.
Repeat after me: he is bad for me, he is a mess, I deserve better, I can do better.
XXX
Emilia
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 11:24am

OK I'm eating my words right now. Leave and don't look back. He's one of those people that can't separate the issue from the person. What a child

All the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 11:45am
thank you so much for your comment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 11:55am
thank you for your response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 12-02-2007 - 5:06pm

Hi ?girlsrool,


You've already been given great advice by the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 9:30pm
Thank you Carrie for your response!