Self Realization....
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Self Realization....
| Tue, 09-21-2004 - 1:37pm |
I am wondering if any of you out there going through the post break up blues can relate. I have gotten to the point of acceptance I think, although it still hurts like bloody hell, I find myself giving up hope or the idea that we will ever be together again. In fact, its almost like I don't want to get back with him. I still miss him and think about him 4,000 times a day, but it almost lends some relief to have found acceptance. Is this normal? It has only been a month and almost a week. If anyone out there has gone through this phase will you please share your feelings? Is this a positive step in healing? What comes next? I know everyone grieves differently, but any advice would certainly be helpful.
I hope you are all having a good day : )

I'm so glad that you've managed to find some acceptance--I think that's a really positive step to healing. I do think it's normal...I don't really feel like there's a "set time" by which you should be over an ex. As for what comes next, I'm not really sure...I haven't quite reached that point yet. And if you've read any of my other posts, it's obvious that I still have my bad days. But it seems as the days go by, I feel better and better...maybe time really does heal all wounds...
All I can say is that no-contact really does help. I made the mistake of trying to become friends with him right after the breakup...I just wasn't ready to let him out of my life completely. And I'll admit that there are still tons of times when I just want to say hi, talk to him, see how he's doing...but thankfully, this discussion board has helped me a lot. I'm starting to realize that having no-contact really is the best way to go. I need time to get over him...and if he doesn't respect me enough to give me that time, then he isn't worth knowing. Plus, let me tell you...the feeling you get when he tries to contact you and you don't respond is amazing! I feel so strong and powerful...because the ball is once again in my court. I experienced enough pain everytime he ignored my attempts to contact him. I hope he knows how it feels...it's only been a little over a week since I stopped, but he's already sent me two messages :b Too bad for him--it's truly his loss now.
My ex has contacted me at the most random times...I figure he's either drunk or just really bored, and of course he doesn't want me to be able to forget him. I used to think that he was trying to be nice and to be my friend...but I've slowly come to realize that he really doesn't care. He'll say things (like how he cares/wants to come see me, etc) and never actually follows through on them. It's becoming pretty obvious that he's just all talk and no action...and I don't need that type of person in my life. It's truly unhealthy.
I still enjoy when he tries to contact me...mainly because I'm glad he hasn't been able to forget me :b But I'm getting ready to tell him to stop...because there's no point. We aren't friends and won't ever be...and the way he's treated me has caused me to start believing that I don't even want to know him. So you see, you may think now that you will always care/love him (and perhaps you will)...but you never know. I used to think that I'd always be able to see the good in my ex...but as time goes by, I can't remember half of the reasons why I loved him so much!
Yes, it still hurts immensely, but I find myself in a kind of limbo or gray area. The scenes of our lives together still play in my head, but they're more like watching an old film instead of real people. I'm also more accepting of the idea that he's really gone, there will be no reconcilliation. Even if he did come back to me...would I want him? I'd agonize constantly which "casual female friend" he took a call from or spoke with at social gatherings he was really planning to get into bed with him. Why put myself through the torment? I have moments where I'm happy that I've weathered the storm and can imagine my life single and working hard on making me a stronger and more successful person on my own. I am sure there are still days to come where I'll have to wipe myself off the floor, exhausted from weeping until I'm physically sore, but they're fewer and farther between now. Looking forward to doing all those fun things for me I put on the back burner in order to be with him.
Just wanted to let you all know relief will come with even a bit of effort.
Hang in there!