semi-holding on....but don't expect much

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
semi-holding on....but don't expect much
4
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 3:14am

Ok. My breakup was a couple of months ago. I would say i've had to deal with alot of pain that could have been avoided after the break up. We were together for about 1 1/2 years. We talked about marriage and it was a casual conversation for us to talk about what kind of house we wanted, how many kids, etc. We were two passionate scorpions who fed hopes to one another early in the relationship and i held onto those for dear life because they meant everything too me.


I was totally in love. Everything he did, i loved. it was crazy but i felt so happy to find someone that i could be excited about seeing. I would think about our future together, us getting old, having kids and raising them. But our relationship could have been better. I was a bit needy. I lived alone, not much family in the area and he still lived with his parents. He's a romanian guy with a strict family so i had to do without alot because of that. It seemed that as months went by he didn't put much effort into coming to see me and be around. I took it personally whenever there was some excuse for him to not be around. I gave him a hard time, but i guess when you trust that a person loves you, you take them for granted, but he knew i loved him and i just wanted him to be around, i didn't want the relationship to feel old.


Anyways, things just got worse. We had our good days but i would be bitter sometimes. We planned a trip to Hawaii for a couple months and then went in november. The trip could have been better, we could have been acting like newlyweds but we weren't. I wanted to but i didn't show it because something inside was telling me his feelings were not as strong as mine.


Two weeks after hawaii, i was dreading going back home by the way because i knew i would have some more problems with him not coming around as much, he told me he wanted to break up. He had to go to church and pretty much just said "we should break up" and he wanted to leave. I made him stay a little longer because i was in total shock. I thought our relationship was more than that, i thought our feelings were just hidden and secretly we couldn't live without eachother. But i was wrong and it broke my heart.


We talked only a couple of times after the relationship. His feelings for me were gone, it was obvious. He had no sorrow and it seemed that he had never loved me, but i'm sure he did once. I was doing ok for about a month but i think that it was because i had a small hope that he would come back because of all those feelings we had once had. But then i found out he had a new romanian gf, a relationship that began within the month after we broke up. I was crushed beyond comprehension. I made the mistake of texting him about it as if he had betrayed me ( i know it was stupid, he didn't owe me a thing)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 8:02am

I am sorry to say this, but you have to let this hope go. He has moved on and so should you. It does seem quick, but heck, its his life. You dont have to be so quick, take your time.


Sending that text was not the wrong thing to do, nor was it the right thing to do. It was understandable because it is a shock when someone moves on so quickly. It makes you question your feelings of pain over the relationship.


You will get over this, that much I can promise. But the only way is to let go completely. He is not going to come back to you, hate him if that helps. But you need to start building your life up again, and regaining some self-esteem. Think about the bad things in your relationship, ignore the good for now. You aint ready to think of the good things, so once you have thought on about what was bad about the relationship then you can move on. You may understand more about why you are indeed better off without him.


Good luck x

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 12:52pm

Welcome to the board greekgirl23,


Even if he regrets the break up with you, what are the chances that he would act on it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2008
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 5:22pm

Greekgirl23,


I feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:43am

Thanks. I know there are so many people out there that know what i'm going through and that does help. Unfortunately my ex was not very nice about the whole break up. He said he didn't love me like he used to and there was no hesitation what so ever. He seemed to be totally out of the relationship and my feelings didn't matter. All compassion for me was gone. He was somewhat cruel. I guess that's what i've needed. I didn't need to remember him as a good person who might still have feelings for me. I guess God has a strange way of working with things, but if its what we need, well, so be it.


I hope things go the way they should in order for you to be happy. Thanks for your comment. :)