Sent an email asking for a second chance
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| Fri, 06-23-2006 - 3:16am |
.. and I regret it now, after reading all these posts from you guys who are actually making it with NC, actually trying to MOVE on instead of backslide. For those of you who don't know, I was dating a guy for 2 mos- we broke up just a couple days ago- his idea. My faults in this short-lived relationship: I asked for too much too quickly, I think. His faults: He was still living in the same house as his ex-girlfriend who he'd been with for 4 years, and he continually told me that he was the type of person who preferred long-term relationships but did not want me to have any expectations of him. I never really understood that last part, but we had a great time each time we were together, and I was really attracted to him. The still-living-with-my-ex-of-four-years in the house that they'd bought together last year --- uhh-- yeah, definitely bothered me. He swore up and down that he wasn't hung up on her, but they'd just broken up in Jan/Feb of this year. Anyway so there were a lot of red flags. But I was feeling soooo sad today, so hopeless and lonely - and yes, I'd had some to drink when I'd gone out to happy hour today. So I ended up emailing him and asking what he thought about a second chance. But now that I've sent it and I think about everything, I am asking myself, Why? Why would I ask for a second chance to be let in to something that presents itself with so many emotional landmines?
For those of you who are forging through the pain and not giving in to those weak lonely moments, I salute you and am inspired to do the same.

Hello,
Okay so you sent him an email, dont regret it. What is the worse that will happen? He will just tell you the same thing or just not respond. I think we have all done something like that in the past. I know I have. Its okay but dont dwell on it (I know easier said then done).
The fact that he still lives with his ex would definately be a red flag to me also. I dont think I would want to put myself in a position where I would constantly worry. He was with this girl for 4 years and bought a house together. It does sound like he is still hung up on this girl, why hasnt he moved? What is he or she hoping to gain by living together after the break up?
Go find a guy that is willing to devote himself to you and does not live with his ex. I think you deserve better.
Good Luck!
Girl, don't beat yourself up.
Well, he never wrote back. No response at all. And I did another bad thing on Friday night after I got dropped off from my friend's. I drunk dialed him and sent him a txt msg telling him how much I missed him. ICK. Alcohol can be so evil when you're already depressed and brokenhearted! Anyway, no call back, no txt msg, no email- nothing at all. So what I'm feeling now is: Embarrassment, slight relief (this "relationship" had a very very murky future), some sadness, anger (that he didn't even feel like it worth it to at least email me and say, "No"), and a resolve to be kind to myself, in thoughts and action (a difficult one).
I feel fairly ok today. Just getting ready to go to work now. Hopefully, as the days go by, I won't care anymore and can look back on this as a learning experience and with relief that it ended quickly. What did I learn? - Too many red flags, then pull back. Also, don't always trust a guy's words at the beginning. Go by his behavior. And the big one but the most obvious one- DON'T DATE A GUY WHO'S STILL LIVING WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND, no matter how big the house is or how many other "roommates" they have.
No worries about the txt at all, pick up and keep moving.
Read your own posts in this thread and you tell me what you should do. ;)
You can do this.
Sandra's right, read through your posts.....
Then please share with us your decision...
if you do say yes, I won't feel like the only complete crazy woman! I've been saying for the past 2 months I am going to move on but yet I havent.. although he has.
Those 5 stages of loss are supposed to flow like this (or so I've read) denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance...somehow in my stages anger & depression switched places and I'm still stuck there.
So I hope that you will make the right decision for you.
When I contacted my ex, both sober & feeling too tipsy I thought that I would try & salvage our relationship by talking. The more I think about it, the more I regretted doing it since it was him who should've wanted to open up and earned my conversation back. My ex & I were casual after we broke for the first 1.5mths, hugging, multiple talks (our relationship & things in general)and now after nothings happened & he hasn't come around, here I am. Please don't allow yourself to get stuck in the hurt/angry stage like me. I believe the NC rule everyone here states is a must & beneficial unless you really think he has something profound to say & he wants to earn you back.
good luck chick
Oh, boy. I guess you probably already responded. My Mr. 4 years contacted me about a week and a half after we broke up to get coffee. My friends told me not to go--what would it accomplish? I didn't listen, but immediately regretted saying "yes" the second I hit send. The whole situation was awkward. It did nothing but push me back.
Think about all your motives for wanting to go--his possible motives--and what would happen if they didn't match. I did that, which made me see why I shouldn't go--but I still went. Coz I'm stooopid. Grrrrrhhhhh. If your not going, tell him to call you when he knows what he wants! That's what I shoulda done!
I think you answered your own question.
"I was starting to feel ok about the breakup". Why does his sudden call change that?
I realize that it's easier to fall back into a familiar pattern, but if there were enough problems that made you feel ok, what has changed now?
If you haven't talked to him already, I'd list what you really want from a relationship(without thinking of him for the moment), then, when you're done, decide whether he truly fits into that... That might be your answer.
Of course, that's just my two cents... You really have to listen to your heart on this one. Without the rosy glasses ;-)
(((hugs)))
M