Sex with an EX??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Sex with an EX??
8
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 8:00pm

So ever since I broke it off with him, he would still call once a week, still would ask me to get together, and he would never change his ways of treating me. And that's exactly what has been going on. I raise an issue that I don't like, and he would deny and never change anything.

But last night, he called, told me he was locked out, needed a place to sleep - I took him in - Yeah, I know you would all yell at me. That was indeed a big step back.

He tried, several times to have sex with me, I refused. My gosh, that was difficult. But I knew if I did have sex with him, I would feel even worse right now.

So, I am suffering from the consequences of letting him in my home - I can't stop thinking about him, I started missing him like crazy again, and I can't concentrate. I wish I had said no.

Why is this all so confusing? Or am I the one who's making this a huge mess??

Oh, and now, he left his watch in my apartment, so what's next?

God, I am so frustrated.

Have any of you here had sex with an ex? What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 8:41pm

Yeah - I've done it. It's so horrible - I don't know why I kept doing it for as long as I did (something like 6 months!).

It broke my heart a thousand times every time we were together. We had decided to 'be friends' after we broke up - I wanted marriage, he didn't. We were good about being friends but slowly we got complacent and slept together once. then twice. Then every week. Then we went on a vacation together and had sex every night. It was bittersweet because I loved him so much and wanted him to understand the depth of those feelings - and I look back now and wish someone had shaken me. The whole time, he'd been openly planning to move 4,000 miles away - and did. And left me here. I thought I was going to die.

I think he truly loved me as much as he could. he had things going on in his life that made it hard to commit - but instead of just recognizing this, I stayed because I just loved him. I wanted him in my life and was willing to accept the smallest, most pathetic shred of his time and attention. I hate that I did that. It's humiliating to think about. But I did. I'm probably not the only one.

I'm so happy that you refused to get physical. No good will come from that. Did you ever read that book: He's just not that into you? I remember a passage from it - something like it being called break-up sex because you're broken up. No one ever called it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-
together-and-lived-happily-ever-after-sex. I smile whenever I think of that. So true.

If he wants you back, you'll know because he'll be treating you like a queen and begging your forgiveness or whatever your situation might be. What he won't be doing is calling you for a place to crash (was yours the only number he could have called? try motel 6) or dry-humping you or leaving you in the morning feeling like crap.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. You didn't want to turn him away. Some will call it weak or a setback or whatever. I think it shows that you're a deeply caring person who feel compassion for other people and wants to help. I know because I can be that way too. But it means - for better or worse - that we need to be careful of who we give our love to - who we feel compassion for because unfortunatly there are people out there who see those wonderful qualities in us and want to take advantage. Only we can take care of ourselves.

Take care - and I'm so proud of you for not 'getting busy'. You deserve so much better.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:04pm

....."But last night, he called, told me he was locked out, needed a place to sleep - I took him in - Yeah, I know you would all yell at me.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:41am

I just wanted to say, how the h*ll did you manage to have such willpower? ha. Kudos to you for fighting temptation... :)

I agree with Sandra, don't let that watch become his 'leave behind'- mail it, put it in a ziploc and leave it under the mat, anything so it doesn't become his way of coming back over. You'll be the one worse off, not him, if he has to come get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:18am

Hi.

Yes I've had sex with an ex. My only ex actually. We were together 4.5 years.

What happened was he broke up with me on a monday and the Friday I went over to his place to get my things. Well, it just kinda happened. I was the one who initiated it. I don't regret it though, it was kinda like goodbye sex.

Congratulations to you for being able to resist him. I'm not so sure that I would be able to resist my ex if he tried, I'd like to think I respect myself too much, but I just don't know.

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:04pm

Thank you so much for your support oryx72!! I did feel like crap the entire Sunday and being so unproductive.

I so understand what you are saying. I meant to break up with him long time ago, since X'mas. But we got together, had sex. And everytime I had sex with him, I felt harder to let go, and harder to get him out of my head.

So, I am trying to not think about it, focus on other things, and the bad qualities he has, and will have forever.

The key here is to have a closure within myself. So it doesn't matter what he does, as long as I know for sure this is over.

Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:10pm

Good point Sandra. I feel a little embarrased about myself now, lol. I felt horrible the entire Sunday for letting him in, and wanting more from an unavailable man. But he's hurt me so much that I can't glue the pieces of my heart together for him.

Have you talked to your ex yet? How did it turn out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 1:24pm

Aw, girl, my point is

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 3:06pm

Join the club sister, I just did the exact same thing this weekend, it was GREAT!! But now i am back to sqare one, lasted ten days, now i am back to day one....its just very confusing to me because it was "making love" and so great, even the laying on the couch watching a movie, ugh...I say NO SEX for the EX anymore for me...

We all know that old saying, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free!

Hang in there, its all we can do, try not to think of him, and just keep our sanity with these posts, I know you all help me SOOOO much!!!

Hugs,
Louise