Sex w/ the EX blew up in my face!! help!
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| Mon, 04-04-2005 - 12:09pm |
Well I think most of you know my story. My bf and I broke up 2 months ago. I didn't talk to him for a few weeks. Then decided I wanted to be friends b/c I'm moving in May. So, eventually we ended up sleeping together. In the last week, I've stayed with him twice. I thought I would be okay, and be able to just enjoy him and his company until I leave.
He picked me up from the airport on Sat. night and we went to dinner and then out with his friends. He is treating me great, just like when we were dating, almost better in a sense. I mean we acted like a couple all night.
I have been praying for a sign as to whether I was doing the right thing. Well when we left dinner on Sat. night, we drove a little ways and he realized he left his cell phone. Well we went back and I jumped out to grab it because he was driving. Well, as I went to grab the phone, it was ringing. A girl I've never heard of was calling. So, when I got to the car I said who's so and so. And, he acted so incredibly strange. Instead of just saying a friend or whatever. Well, as you can imagine I kept asking. And, he basically told me it was a girl in my law school class that he hooked up with once. He said I don't understand why you would want to know this, I mean I know we're not together, but I still have feelings for you and I wouldn't want to know about some guy calling you at all. (this kills me, I mean we're not together so he shouldn't care, he's the one that wanted it this way, not me) I want the commitment and him all to myself.
So, at this point he became kind of cold and was like maybe I should just go out with my friends and I'll talk to you later because I know you are going to ask me about this all night. Well, I should have left right then, but didnt. Then he was like well lets still go out but just promise you wont ask me about that. So, we got ready and went out and I never did ask about it again, well not to him.
During the evening, I spoke to one of his friends who I like and respect a lot and he does me as well. So, of course I asked about the girl, and at first he tried to cover up. But then he told me, that my ex had just hooked up with her one night, but he knows he didnt sleep with her. And, he proceeded to tell me how I was so much prettier. Then he was like he would kill me if he knew I was telling you any of this (which he would). So, I don't know why the friend was doing this.
And then, out of nowhere, he (my exes best friend here) was like "but you should know that he talks about you all the time", so do what you want with that basically. This nearly made me start crying in the bar. I guess he was saying he really still cares for you or whatever.
Well, soon my ex and I left. We got up the next morning and went to church and to brunch. Just like we used to when we were dating. But, I felt so sad the entire time. I think he had to have known. He asked me what was wrong a few times, and I just said nothing. Before we left the house, while he was in the shower, I looked in his cell phone to see if he had ever called this girl back. Well he had, when he was with me (3 times). That really hurt. I also found out her last name and now know who she is.
Well when we got back to his house after church/brunch, I got my stuff togther to get ready to leave. He asked me whether he should tell his sister I had been there and all of that. She is also a good friend of mine, but has always been way to nosy about our relationship, so we have been keeping it from her, sort of, that we have been hanging out. Well I just told him I don't care what he tells her, but now that someone else is involved (she knows this other girl, and I'm sure she knows they hooked up) I told him I don't want to look stupid. I guess I had been naively thinking that he wasnt really seeing other girls. And, that's why I thought what we were doing was okay. But, then there it was right in my face. And, its so ironic how it happened.
Well he was like what do you mean involved, and I said this other girl is involved now. And he was just like it was one time and its no big deal. So, I was like what does she look like, and he just said oh you're so much prettier, but she's funny (what the heck does that mean).
Then he goes, but I'm sure you pretty much took care of that. Apparently, as we were leaving the bar together on Sat. night, we ran into her. I guess I don't remember it b/c I didn't know exactly who she was at the time. And, I kind of laughed about it. He was like yeah she grabbed my arm and I was kind of rude to her. So, she saw us together. I was like oh don't worry I probably did you a favor, she will want you more now that she saw you with me. He was like dont say stuff like that. I'm assuming now that he must have been calling her to save face or keep his options open (I guess that says he must care what she thinks).
So anyway, I called my Mom (she's my best friend) as soon as I got in the car and just cried and cried. I know I just have to stop. I mean he was my boyfriend, now we're in this weird casual limbo where he's hooking up with other girls. And, I am still completely in love with him. But, its seems like he has all of these feelings for me too (sometimes I think he's in love w/ me and doesnt even know it) and I just don't understand why he wont commit, why is he willing to lose me. He has even said when we broke up and now, how he knows he is making a huge mistake. He even told me that is what he told his parents. So, I just don't think I can handle it anymore.
I am sure he thinks everything is fine, and that we will see each other again soon. He called yesterday after I left just to tell me that he told his sister everything, so I didn't get caught lying to her. I didn't answer or call back.
I don't know whether I should email and tell him to leave me alone or just not take his calls. This situation has been so hard for me and is so complicated because I may/will run into him at school for the next month and also b/c I'm friends with his sister. She talks about him all the time, even when I asked her not to. So, I don't really know how to approach this.
Any ideas? I'm so sad, and just want to do whatever its going to take to make me feel better. But, I'm afraid I'm going to miss him too much. I don't know....

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I appreciate everyone's responses and agree that no one really knows how he feels, including me and maybe even himself. But, I know how I feel and I can't continue on in this casual situation where I see him one night and what's her name is free to see him the next. That is disgusting to me.
Lately I have been really perplexed by the timing of things. For example, why did I pick up the phone that moment that she called, if she had called 10 seconds earlier or later, I would have never known. Likewise, yesterday I was not feeling well and decided to leave the library. Well of course I chose to leave at the exact time he was coming in, and was forced to see him as a result. Now, I'd been listening and had not contacted him. And, he had not contacted me since Sunday, which isn't too unusual.
So, he said hey and I said hey and kept walking. I did not think I was being strange or anything. In fact, I thought he was. But, about 2 minutes later, I got a text message from him saying "what's your problem" So again I have not responded. I have an email drafted that I am going to send, which basically says I'm done and this isn't what I want.
I was not going to send it in response to this silly text message. I honestly thought he would call later. But, apparently he doesn't care so much after all. If he calls, I'll send it. Otherwise, I'll just move on.
Now I just have to look forward a graduation party next week where I'm sure he will be because of his sister and also the other girl will be there because she's a 3rd year. So, now all I can think about is how miserable that will be.
quickblade,
i appreciate your two cents and insight and advice... everyone's opinions are valuable and useful. it is imperative that as we all grow as individuals - we are open to perspectives and strive to continually learn.
you state my ex's "feelings" as "they ARE" and state him as though, you KNOW exactly what he is thinking, or feeling, and can completely paint a 100% precise picture of my current situation with him. with all due respect - i dont think you, or anyone for that matter - really can be so certain. furthermore, i get the impression that you paint me as though i am delusioned and in denial woman who is unable to process my situations at hand; yes - i am confused and sometimes lost - but nonetheless, i am mature, seeking for continual growth and able to intelligently process what i experience and feel.
yes, i am no longer with him now. and while i have debated over and over the countless explanations and possibilities - id like to suggest that your own views are just one among many.
perhaps you are right. and i have examined the possibility that he just doesnt "respect and admire my character and values enough to want me in my life," - but at the same time, i must argue with you that that may not necessarily BE the case.
i have not disregarded my ex's feelings and i am not in denial. but truth is, you dont know my relationship - but i do nonetheless appreciate your input based on what you can gather. perhaps im biased (which isnt always necessarily a bad thing) - but, i was in the relationship.. i know him like the back of my hand.. i feel him ... im in the situation .. and quite honestly, i have trouble believing that he just doesnt want me in his life because he is only able to enjoy my "pleasures, adoration and attention" and unable to feel for me otherwise. i have a great deal of trouble believing that my situation is just that.
eeksj
Eeksj, I appreciate your thoughtful post, but I think there's a big flaw in your argument that we can't "know what's in this guy's mind" or understand the unique dynamics of this relationship.
Just like sex, there is nothing that can pass between two people that hasn't been done a thousand times before between and amongst different people. There really are patterns of behavior, "types" of personalities, and universal truths about relationships and human relations in general. Thinking you're unique, special, different, and that your relationship is unique, special, and different, and can only be understand on its own unique terms, that's what gets so many people into so much trouble. It's what gets people repeating the same mistakes, overlooking the same red flags, and frankly repeating the same bad relationship dynamics with other people, over and over again.
I counsel victims of domestic violence. Now maybe that seems more extreme than what you're talking about with the typical breakup, but I've seen plenty of evidence of emotional and even physical abuse on these boards, and the domestic violence relationship is sort of a concentrated version of relationship failure that is played out on a lesser scale here all the time. To a woman, absolutely every one of the victims I've talked with believes that she is special, that her relationship is unique, that it is a fresh slate and a clean start, that even if her boyfriend/spouse "used to" be aggressive or manipulative in prior relationships, he won't be that way with her, that people's behavioral tics and character flaws are miraculously wiped away by "true love" because when in love people inevitably "act right" and treat each other well, and that "no one can understand what happens between two people in a marriage." Every woman believes that what's happened between her and her partner has never happened between any two people before, that there's a whole different set of rules that apply to them, and that her situation can't be analyzed by comparing it to others ("but he hit her in the face, mine only smacked me on the legs when he was angry...."). That belief system is what leads them to choose abusive partners and to stay with them despite the abuse, to justify their partners' behavior to friends and family members, and to rationalize away abusive treatment with the old saw "but I love him..." And, honestly, that's the same reasoning displayed on here every day ("maybe your ex was just using you for sex, but mine really still loves and cares about me, his life is just complicated now...").
I'm a lawyer, and even in court we make determinations about intent, what's in a person's head, based solely on circumstantial evidence. We rely on a person's actions and statements to infer what motivation and intent is present. And a court case is an attempt to prove some sort of absolute truth, because a person's liberty or money is at issue. In your personal life, too much is at stake, sometimes your very physical safety is at stake, you need to err on the side of caution. You need to assume that behavior "x" implies the worst possible motivation because it's part of a pattern of behaviors you recognize as manipulative, abusive, or just harmful to the health of your relationship. You don't need to be fair or impartial to your partner, you're not a jury, you need to act with self-preservation, because you only get to live your life once. You need to lose the Hollywood mindset that you only get one chance at love, and that happiness can only come from one person, because that kind of thinking keeps you in a relationship, overlooking red flags, trying to compile enough evidence to be "absolutely sure" that it's not going to work or that he really feels the way his words and conduct seem to indicate he feels. You waste your life that way, and you can short-cut the whole process by learning to recognize the patterns of a man who isn't ready to commit to a serious relationship, a womanizer, an emotionally manipulative/needy man, etc. Then, once you see signs of those patterns, you need to act with self-preservation and the mature awareness that there are other potential partners out there, and you need to terminate a relationship based on circumstantial evidence, even without ever "getting into his head." Because, news flash, you'll *never* get into another person's head and truly understand them or their intentions. Their conduct is all you have to judge, so you'd better do it.
In your personal life, you absolutely have every right to make decisions based upon circumstantial evidence, and that's all anyone on this board has done. They've taken the conduct described by the OP, used the filter of their experiences and the patterns they've come to observe in human behavior, and deduced the motivation for the ex's behavior. Look, ex breaks up with you, permits you to have sex with him afterwards, hooks up with other girls, and would rather drop you at your house rather than deal with your emotional response to learning of his other hookups, how many possible reasons can there be for this behavior? This is a pattern. Spend enough time on this board, or analyzing your own life and past, and you'll see that this scenario plays out over and over again.
Sure, we're all snowflakes, unique and special. But, given the western culture in which we were raised and universal patterns of human behavior, there are really a limited number of ways a relationship or a breakup can play out. Spend some time around here, and you'll have seen and heard it all. You must learn to recognize the patterns of behavior, and the personality "types" you'll encounter out there, or you'll keep getting hurt and keep replaying the same failed relationship dynamics. If you can't learn to generalize and objectify, to be willing to see your partner from the outside, not as a snowflake, but as a man, a human being, a type that tends to act in predictable ways based on patterns of behavior exhibited by people in our society, then you'll just never understand how and why you get hurt, how to avoid people who hurt you, and how to make good relationship choices for yourself.
In terms of getting over and getting past your breakup, learning to recognize the patterns is the best thing you can do for yourself. It helps you to see how the breakup was inevitable, based upon the flawed dynamics of the relationship, and it helps you to understand what to look out for in the future. Cherishing this belief that what you had with another person is so special and unique that it defies outside analysis shows that you're not willing to perform that analysis yourself and closely scrutinize the patterns of behavior displayed by both you and your partner.
milton,
first and foremost - i thank you for your reply. your post was informative, nicely written and its perspective is appreciated.
however, i think you have my messages mixed up. firstly, i do not feel that my relationship with my ex is so special, and so unique and so unidentifiable that no one can tell me what really happened. because, like you said - in life - we often can generalize... we can generalize that one shouldnt play with heavy machinery while intoxiecated...we can generalize that women cry more than men, ...we can generalize that organge is more tangy than bitter, ...we can generalize that most babies dont know how to talk...and we can most definately generalize about one another's relationships!! and that is exactly what we do here.. what i AM saying - is that while we each offer input to one another, at the end of the day - that really is all it is...INPUT. the best we really can do is "generalize" .. and i think it is important to note this because its not fair to either the relationship or the partners involved that we label them with our opinions as though we are 100% CORRECT. some of us have been fools, and some of our partners have been such typical je*ks - but at the same time, there are plenty of good and healthy relationships that just didnt work, and men and women who have sex with their ex because they really do emotionally want to and not because theyre horny and its easy access. furthermore - it is difficult to paint an accurate picutre of each of our relationships through these messages that we write .. thus, the person providing the analysis can really just do their best with what is just given - which sometimes isnt enough information. and adding to the boot - when each one of us posts a message on our situation, that really is OUR bias point of view ..what really happened may be surprisingly different. therfore, given all this - my point is that - yes, we CAN generalize..and it may very well be RIGHT - but, we can not CONCLUDE with a 100% confidance interval.
secondly, id like to state that i am not unwilling or unable to analyze my relationship with my ex outside of my box. in fact, i do soooo much analysis of EVERY explanation and observation possible that really, my brain is overly exhausted. i am completely open to the TRUTH - whether it be that he truly loves me or completely hates me. and that is what im seeking, quite frankly... ive posted tons of messages here asking people for their opinions and insight - and i appreciate every two cents ive been provided. i honestly take you and everyone else's perspective and examine it with an open mind and an honest heart. but im sorry, i do however believe that there are some things that i know "I KNOW." really, it was me who was in the relationship...i was the one who was with him...and so while i want to know what everyone thinks - not everything said to me is applicable...but that doesnt mean that i am expressing signs of "abuse woman syndrome." i am not in denial or trying to paint a pretty picture of my relationship or refusing to see him as anything but a saint .. in fact, i was once in a relationship where i did do that - and ive vowed to never be such a fool again. this goes for everyone...im sure there are opinions provided to some of us and we think "mmmm, no...i cant agree with that" - and we cant apply it to ourselves not necessarily because we are blindsighted - but rather cause it simply doesnt fit our situation and we just know it. and im betting that you can say the same thing as well...for example - when you posted a message about your stalker - i believe there was a reply "refuting" the possibility that it was him?? and you wrote back stating that you KNOW it was... maybe a blurry example there, but what im trying to basically get at is - we all need someone to slap us sometimes and none of us should be blind to reality...but there really ARE SOME things that we do know better than others and those intuitions and understandings cant always be ignored and regarded as us being "silly fools."
lastly, i AM doing what i can based solely on circumstantial evidence. that is why i posted that i feel it is important we not only analyze our situations - but just simply react. sometimes, it really doesnt matter why he is like that, what that means or if that explanation is plausible...because at the end of it all, the situation still stands blatantly obvious - and for me, my relationship is OVER. and that is what im dealing with and why ive elected to forcefully obtain my belongings from him, block him my messenger, etc etc. if i was to run with my heart and faith - id stick around for him... im sorry, but i do believe in how much he cares about me and i know him well enough to know about his "fear" problems - but at the same time...i realize that for whatever reason it may be, hes just not fighting enough for me, im not with him now - and thats technically all i need to know. like you said, i need to assume the worse - and quite frankly, i believe that we all should. although we often cant help it, i do think that hope is bliding and wasteful in such situations. i want to self preserve and not self destruct. i want great things for myself and i want to be happy. so, based on the plate ive been given - this is the best way that i can eat it despite the mixture of fruits on the platter.
to regurgetate, i think it is imperative that we seek others opinions and seriously consider them with an open mind...a narrow minded person is never a fulfilled person. that is why we debate, we talk, we argue, we express, we converse. it is only then that we experience life and continually grow. however, on this message board - when we feed one another our opinions and advice - really , its just the best that we can do with what we are provided. in the end, it really is just a generalization and assumption that may or may not be accurate. furthermore, i do think that there are some things that we each know better than a stranger posting across the world..somethings are found within our intuition and gut - and unable to be deciphered by those who arent in the same situation.
cheers,
eeksj.
We'll have to agree to disagree, but you will never be 100% correct about anything, certainly not about another person. And trying to make sure that you 100% know the truth of the situation is what keeps you, the OP, whomever (I'm using the "royal you," by which I mean people in general) locked in a situation that's unpleasant and trying to decide if they are justified in acting in a self-protective way.
Your suggesting to the OP that, at the end of the day, our insights into her ex's behavior are just more white noise without any legitimate basis for those opinions, with her own impressions and feelings the ultimate guide, actually diminishes the point of this board. The messages to her are that she's not seeing this objectively, so here's some objectivity for her, based on an analysis of the behavior from the perspective of people who see a pattern and who aren't emotionally invested in hoping for a particular outcome. We're strangers, we don't ultimately care what choices she makes, it's not as if we're biased against her ex or "true love," we are not personally invested in the decision. We're disinterested observers, judges if you will, and not indulging in any fantasies, with no emotional attachment to any particular outcome. That these opinions seem harsh and critical is evidence that the poster's thought process is very much clouded by wishful thinking.
In fact, the OP herself doesn't disagree with most of these insights. You're stating that "we don't know" what's going on with OP's ex, but that's the point exactly - we don't have to KNOW, and neither does OP. Neither do you. We'll never know anything in this life to 100% certainty, definitely not the mind of another person, but we have to act and function every day anyway. Assume that this person fits the pattern of the 99.9% of other people who act this way, and act accordingly. After all, if we're all mistaken, and OP's ex is sleeping with her because he wants a long-term committed relationship, despite breaking up with her and hooking up with other girls, he can always SAY that, and pursue a renewed committed relationship, right? But he hasn't. And wishful thinking doesn't make it so. And, in the end, decisions made by bess-guesstimate, with an eye toward protecting yourself and a lack of wishful thinking, generally turn out for the best. The best we can tell OP is that, based on statistics and probability, she'll be happier moving on rather than continuing her involvement with ex. That's the best any therapist or professional could tell her, either. That's probably right, she agrees, and even you don't really disagree. You just want to quibble about ultimate knowledge.
But I'll tell you that it's primarily women who get wrapped up in this obsessive need to be scrupulously fair, give everyone the benefit of every doubt, and wait until they've compiled an air-tight case to act. Most men just deduce from limited facts and their experiences that they'd be best moving on, and they do so, and that's why you see so few of them posting about things like having sex with an ex with an eye to rekindle the relationship, because they're moving forward with their lives. You don't need 100% certainty about anything in your life, and should expect to make most decisions (including about terminating a relationship) with less than a complete picture. Getting stuck on this "we have no right to opine because we don't 100% KNOW" is actually quite dangerous. If we have reason to suspect a friend is being abused, we have an obligation to speak to her and possibly to authorities, even if we don't KNOW. If we see a young woman making decisions that we believe, based on the facts presented and our knowledge of life, to be likely to cause her incredible pain, we can and should speak up and point this out.
Finally, I'd say this - a hallmark of a dysfunctional or abusive relationship is that you find yourself not able to "explain yourself right" to other people. So, you present your situation or problem, looking for advice, and get what seems like "harsh" (i.e., objective and non-invested) advice from a disinterested observer. It's not what you want to hear, so you attempt to rephrase. No matter how you put it, you're not getting the listener to "see" what a wonderful, special, and unique person your partner is, or how different your situation is from all the others, not getting the advice you want to hear. You see it on the boards, with people posting the same story time and again, hoping for different advice. I see it with my domestic violence victims all the time. OP's post was pretty factual about what happened. While it is not, 100%, a "complete" picture, it is a recitation of the pertinent facts, as they seemed important to her. "More facts" aren't going to change the case-determinative facts. Usually, the first way we tell a story is critical, because we include the facts we think are important to analyzing the situation. It's only when we get advice we don't like that we go back to retell the story in a way more favorable to our wishful thinking.
We have enough facts to make a decision, and suggesting to OP or anyone else that they need to continue in an unpleasant situation or ignore disinterested and impartial advice because no one's 100% certain is doing OP and others a terrible disservice. Suggesting to OP or anyone else that they "have no right" to suggest that they'd be better off out of a bad situation (and, be clear, this isn't a values judgment about the ex being a "jerk" or anything else, it's an observation that his behavior fits a pattern, and that behavior will cause OP pain), suggesting that everyone butt out unless they're 100% sure, that deprives people of input they desperately need when they're emotional and their thinking is clouded. I feel very strongly about it, because it's this kind of "give him the benefit of the doubt" thinking that gets and keeps women in abusive relationships, and it's "well meaning" strangers who tend to offer it. OP is making decisions for herself, it's not as if our opinions "force" her to do anything. OP knows that she knows herself and her ex better than we do, but if strangers overwhelmingly think "x" about the situation, that's got to be taken very seriously and weighed in her decisionmaking process, and there's no point in being equivocating about it.
im not necessarily disagreeing with you milton; however, i do think that you are misundestanding my thoughts...
my point is not that any one of us need to be 100% correct about anything .. because not only do i agree with you that we will never be 100% correct, but i also agree with you that to expect that - is what keeps us lingering...in fact, that is a bit of my problem right now - i want to KNOW for sure that its over, i want to KNOW what he is feeling, i want to KNOW what the possible outcomes will be - etc etc.. and that is why ive analyzed in and out and taken in as many possibilities and perspectives as possible. but at the same time, 100% hindsight will never be achieved - and thus, i say also - sometimes its best not to figure it out ..but to simply react to what is the most basic thing at hand...and for me at this point, its that he doesnt message me every day from work anymore...
i am not stating that any of our insights on this board is "white noise without legitmate basis" - please do not misconstrue my words. i do believe that we often can generalize, and i do believe that sometimes its actually best for an outsider to give an honest and unbiased perspecitve; furthermore - sometimes we all need a bit of a slap to wake us up. what i was trying to say is - i think its only fair to realize that what we dish out, is really just what we think no matter how accurate we may be. we're allowed to give out our opinions, or advice is appreciated - but its rather cocky to think that we know it all... so, i am not "quibbling about having ultimate knowledge" - im stating that we are not experts or psychics or perfect analysts..as ivillagers here, we do our best to support and advise and thats it. its only modest to admit this.
lastly, i still believe that its not always so simple painting a complete picture of our relationship in just a few messages. how do we write about the loving looks he gave us? how do we explain all his quirky habits? how do we explain how hard he punched us? how do we explain the crap that we inflicted on them?? theres just soooooo much ... and yes, we really do just give the facts that are pertinent to us... but at the same time, isnt it true that a case can only be best made when all the facts are presented?? we can only do our best within a few hundred words...but misunderstandings do happen. in fact, theres a post right now where a member wrote: "sorry, let me better explain myself.. i didnt go into detail...what happened was..." (something along those lines). im not saying that its ok to justify things or explain things so that our answers suit our hopes - ... but that literally, what we do here is examine just one or two sand grains in a sandbox...and although it may be enough to figure out the picture, sometimes - things are not always as they seem. its a fact - you can try your best to deliver what happened, but you cant sum up a relationship in twenty words. and if you can, - id begin to wonder about the relationship...
i wholeheartedly agree with you that this message board is successful in the support and insight that we provide each other. i am by no means suggesting that he/she not take our two cents because we should give the benefit of doubt to their perhaps-destructive partner...oh, hecs no! what i am saying is - that we should each realize that we're not almighty...we do what we can and think as we see and suggest as we believe...and to be modest about that, is probably the best way to deliver a message...
I have to chime in here a little though because the reality of the situation is that if the man (mine or yours) wanted to be with us then he would. The loving looks, what the friends say, etc. etc. really don't matter. I mean the book "he's just not that into you" DOES make a point when it says guys don't break up with girls they truly want to be with. And, yes maybe its his issue and you still may be the best thing that ever happened to him, but why waste your time trying to figure it out. I know now that I shouldn't be wasting my time having this skeleton of my former relationship (that being just sex and a little companionship) when I could have that and so much more with someone else.
The bottom line is although we may never know 100%, I agree that we can gauge a lot from these same patterns of behavior that men/people exhibit all the time. And, we should only go on what they say and their actions, which in my case is pretty telling. Like Milton said, it would be absurd for me to think this guy is, in any way, trying to tell me he loves me and wants to be with me by forcing me to break up with him, then sleeping with me while hooking up with other girls at the same time and not wanting to deal with my finding out about it. Regardless of what his loving looks or his friends say, I have to only assume that he doesnt care and/or respect me enough to treat me that way I deserve to be treated.
Now only if I could keep thinking this way!! That's the hard part!
linds,
i couldnt agree with you anymore and i wouldnt try to tell you otherwise!! like i originally wrote to you several posts ago - it doesnt matter what he does or doesnt do - what it boils down to is, what hes doing now isnt what you want - and you gotta move on from that. thats it...
and no, i dont think anyone of us will ever know 100% - and quite frankly, absoluteness isnt necessary. the point that ive been trying to state, isnt that i our opinions need to be accurate in order for the subject to take it seriously...but rather, that when we post our opinions, we should do so in such a manner that we realize we "could" be wrong, but this is what "i" think... i think, by realizing that we are only looking out for one another and do so in a non-cocky manner, that is when the message will be best understood and accepted.
like you - i have analyzed it inside out (and quite honestly - i still unfortunately find myself doing so) - but i still realize that if hes ready to bail on me for whatever reason he has (no matter how legit or absurd) - then hes not for me at all.. and as hard as it is for me, im trying to move on too...
goodluck
eeksj
You are probably all going to want to shoot me for this. But, I honestly feel like it would make the next month of my life easier just to be friends with the guy. No hooking up. Because I know I am going to have to see him at parties and at school and I feel like its only going to ruin my night if Im the one who is acting like we can't talk.
I know this might be nuts, but do you all think it would be that terrible for a month. Just to talk to him on occasion but nothing else????
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