She is back with her husband
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| Sun, 04-01-2007 - 6:22pm |
Hi, I wrote some months ago about my breakup with a girl that was separated from her husband and had gone to Cuba with him to reconcile. When she came back she said that she didn't love him and that she loved me and wanted to start living together with me. If I said no, then she would go back to her husband. For many reasons we did not end up living together but we 'married spiritually' (gave her a ring) and promised to be connected and in love for ever. After many threats, finally her husband moved back to her house and she has decided to a new beginning of her life. But she has also told me that she loves me and that she wants me to be her emotional and spiritual partner.
Needless to say I am devastated that she is back with him. We are so much for each other and it was just a matter of few months more and we would have ended up together, but she couldn't wait.
Now, she appears confused as she says that 'she is not really sure that she wants him back but is mainly doing it for her daughter'. But at the same time she keeps the flame alive with me. I don't know what to do. Should I still look for her and try to maintain our wonderful communication and relationship, or should I just disappear from her life? Both options are very hurftul. Since I met her almost 2 years ago she said that she might go back with her husband, but we started to fall in love with each other and her decision got delayed. Unfortunately, it finally happened and for good.
I am very depressed and don't know what to do. I would value very much your insights.

Okay. Option number one will keep you hurting as long as you are in this "Spiritual marriage." If you two haven't promised to love, honor, and forsake all others, that ring means nothing! YOU sound capable of these things, and deserve them in return. She does not sound capable, and doesn't deserve these things from you.
If someone loves you with all of their heart, there is no waffling, conflict or confusion. Alot of people say I have my head in the clouds when it comes to this, but I stand by my views. Love can be very complicated, confusing, scary...ect. But true love is between two people, not three.
My advice? Go with option number two. At least you'll get over the pain someday, and find someone who wants to be a bigger part of your life. It will be painful, but better for YOU in the long run. Take care, and keep posting. We are here for you.
alittleafraid's exactly 100% right on this. True, both options will be painful, but option number two has an END to the pain, whereas option number 1 is indefinitely destructive to you and will eat away at your soul and this "spiirtual marriage" she's got you believing in.
I'm trying to understand that, but let's remember she's definitely, truly, physically, emotionally, morally and *legally* married and really has no intentions of leaving that, and if you stick around for this, she won't have to.
I'm sorry, but this woman has played your heartstrings long enough. This is completely unfair to you as she doesn't completely want you, yet she's being selfish enough not to want anyone else to have you either. if she truly loved you as she and you say she does, she'd release you to find your happiness in life while she pursues her marriage for "the sake of her daughter" And oh by the way you'd let her go also so she can concentrate on her marriage, too.
True love wants what's best for the other person, while still being true to yourself.
Best of luck, that's a difficult one.
~~.: Sandra :.~~
CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Honestly, I dont think alittleafraid could have made it any more crystal clear: If someone is willing to cheat WITH you, they will be willing to cheat ON you. Why? Because you LET them. This goes back to the fact that people like this have absolutely ZERO respect for relationships, and use them only to get what THEY want. That cycle breaks when someone says, "No, I value myself more than that."
And please, make no mistake, if she's married, even with that dried-out sad story about how it was "all over a long time ago," and even if they've been separated for years, they for whatever reason, are STILL married. If it was truly over a long time ago, a divorce only costs a couple hundred bucks, and they should have been able to get the support, property stuff taken care of easily. IF it was over 'a long time ago'. But if it's taking longer, then one or both married partners really don't want to let go and it's Not so "over" as they're claiming. Period.
Words of wisdom: Dump this woman who is only USING you and please, fergoshsake's take off the ring and be done with this "spriritually married" business. It's making a mockery of real marriage and real relationships. That ring is your shackles. You are a prisoner. Not of love, but of greed and selfishness-- hers.
You can do this, you can stop it all. If you don't then maybe you like the drama and maybe you should look into that.
P.S. Not going on the trip should go without saying, but I'm going to throw it in just in case.
Good luck,
~~.: Sandra :.~~
CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do