She is going back to her husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
She is going back to her husband
9
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 12:31pm
First of all, I just realized that this is a site for women and I am a guy. I apologize but I was so desperate and hopeless that I found this site truly reconforting. I am separated from my wife and she was separated from her husband. During one year whe had the most awesome and deep relationship of our lives. Our souls were truly connected. We were very much in love. Just recently we started to have differences because she decided to go back to her husband because of their daughter (5 years). She said that she didn't love him at all, that she loved me but needed to get back to him for convenience reasons. After almost 2 years of separation, she just left with him and their daughter to a vacation in Cuba. The image of both being together is a complete torture and before leaving she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore, that we will only be 'friends'. I am completely heartbroken, and don't know what to do. Should I call her when she is back on Dec. 31st? Should I wait for her call? Should I accept her proposal of just being friends when we were so close emotionally to each other? She broke up with me but I am clearly on the denial phase. I am still hoping that when she comes back from Cuba she will tell me that she had a terrible time missing me. Your thoughts will be a blessing for me!


Edited 12/25/2006 2:35 pm ET by coolsal
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 3:43pm

Hi,

The only advice I Can give you is what I am always told: Do not call her.

Good Luck-

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 3:50pm

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Personally, this would be a dealbreaker and there would be no way I'd call when she got back from vacation.

::that she loved me but needed to get back to him for convenience reasons.

So loving you wasn't convenient? Or she just didn't want to work out custody? In my opinion, she had to have been talking to him for awhile for him to get her to agree to go on vacation as a family. I'm not sure he was 'over him' at any point.

Again sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:10pm

Hello Coolsal,
So what if your a guy, you need support just as me.
i am turning to this board this week for survival.

I am you,my story was similar I was the other woman, this is my first week broken up and it is death, we have to realize there is no hope, and we need to move on, but it's scary.

I totally understand know when you are picturing your girlfriend and her husband together, I do the same thing with my ex-boyfriend and his wife. It makes you so sick you want to die really you want to die. My best advice to you is get a notebook and write everything in your head and get it out of you or else it's just going to be like a tape where it will play over and over and over again, you need to take the tape out and it will stop playing in your head. Got that advice from a book called "Letting Go"
Get it and read it.

Go to message board" Just broke up 4 days ago. you will see my story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 4:04pm

This site is mainly for women, but there are plenty of guys all over it, so welcome.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 5:27pm
Thanks all for your kind words in this very difficult moment. It is amazing the power of words and empathy that you (we) all create here when we are sharing a common pain. In my case the moment of truth will happen once she returns from her trip to Cuba with her husband and daughter. I am so unbelievably hurt that I want her to know it, but at the same time, I know that it will ruin my healing process. What really is killing me is to know that she may have forgotten me and that now she is happy and 'in love' with her husband, when she said she would only love me. Will she miss me? Will she think on me? Does she still love me? Should I care? She wants to be my friend but as Sandra says, I don't think I have the capability to do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 7:20pm
I don't think that she doesn't care about you or have feelings for you. On some level, I am sure she loves you. For whatever reason, she has made this choice. And for her now, the choice is greater than her love for you. I think you are wise to let her go. Time can heal a lot, and maybe down the road you can be friends. But you need to work on healing your own wounds, and I think that contact would hurt your healing process (as you said). I guess only you know yourself and the relationship best. I feel for you. Try not to picture her in Cuba. Try to picture yourself healing and feeling better each day. I know it's going to be a hard road. I am in misery right now. But as people said to me, time will heal wounds and life will go on. There will be a time when you will be happy again. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 11:01pm
Hi all... I need your help. She is back last night from her vacation with her husband and daughter. I changed my cell phone number so she could not contact me in case she wanted to (which I doubt anyway). BUT, I am dying to call her. I am dying to know if at least she came back ok. Actually, I called her number but then hanged up. She may know that it was me. After a year of a true loving relationship I feel bad not calling her and let her know that at least I worried if she came back safe and sound. At the same time, she was the one who dumped me, saying that she wanted to be only my friend, and then went on vacation with her husband. I am very confused. I was acquiring a lot of strength during the past few days, but now that I know that she is back, I need to know if she is ok. WHAT IS THE BEST THING TO DO? I am desperate. Thanks to all for any advise.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 11:31pm

I know this is not what you want to hear...but knowing whether's back safe or not is the type of thing you have to get used to not knowing any more, because you're not a couple any more. This is part of the breakup and grieving process.

There will be many days like this, I'm afraid. You have to muscle through it and not call in order to get to the other side.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:23pm

Power through it.

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