Shocked and broken

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Shocked and broken
14
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:41pm
I was the happiest person on earth one day, enjoying a 3 year relationship and the next day I was dumped. I didn't see it coming and I wasn't prepared. We didn't have a fight or anything, he has just fallen out of love with me. It hurts so bad. I live in a new city where I have no friends other than his friends. I am all alone and I can't even put into words how sad I am. Today is day two and I am devastated. I just cry and sleep and cry more. I know I shouldn't contact him and it's just angering him but I keep calling him. He's the first person I ever thought I'd marry and the first person I ever saw myself having a life with. I don't know what to do with myself. He's my best friend and I miss him and I feel so much pain.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 7:34pm

Wow.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:23pm

Geez- that's the worst, isn't it? The WORST! I'm not going to tell you to cheer up and move on - I think you know you will eventually, but right now it's so damn painful to even think about. I understand.

I'm going through a break up right now - today is day 5. It sucks despite the fact that I was the one that ended it. I haven't called him yet even though I want to so desperately I can't catch my breath sometimes. I just remind myself that he doesn't want to talk to me or else he'd be calling.

My sister said today that it's like a greiving a death but with me she thinks I'm greiving for the life I thought we were going to have. All these dreams and hopes I had for 'us' are now dead and it's harder to face that sometimes - if I'm honest about it. I had a picture in my head of 'us' 1, 3, 5, 10 years from now. I think I focused on that picture when things got rough or he disappointed me (again) or whatever. It was the picture that I was willing to work for. Not the person who made me feel insecure or unimportant and who was lying right beside me. I hate to admit that, but I was oblivious to a lot and put up with a lot of crap that maybe I wouldn't have if I'd kept this picture out of my head.

I'm telling you this because I don't know if you feel the same way - on some level. We women want so much for that security - that commitment. I don't see it as a fault of ours - just a fact. And I know that I want that security and commitment so much I put up with crap I never thought I would. I also really really believe that someone out there wants that with me too. I know I'm worth waiting for a great relationship - I'm worth fighting for - you are too. I believe that.

Try not to call him. It reminds me of quitting smoking. You get this crazy urge to smoke and think that if you do everything will be better and - well - you just want it so damn bad! But then it passes and you made another 15 minutes to your goal of never smoking again. But if you break down and light up - that's okay - just try again. You always have another chance to do better next time.

Please let us know how you're doing. I'll be thinking of you.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:47pm
3 years is a long time. I know how you feel I have been with my girfriend for 2 1/2 years. She told me a week ago that she had fallen out of love with me, a total surprise.
I am just going crazy because she doesn't want us to date other people says she is mixed up and that this is her problem. I so don't understand???????? She still wants to see me but that has always been the problem. We only spend weekends together and I want more.
I was just about to write her and I don't know why I don't because I am just miserable.
I tried to call her but her phone is off. I want to say ....enough already but don't have the balls....keep hoping this is only temporary, but when someone say's I have fallen out of love with you isn't that the end?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 10:23pm
I appreciate your responses so much. I have never used this board before and I feel lucky to have found it. It is the future that is hurting, the future that I thought we'd have. I'm 26 years old and I am just now entering the stage where I was thinking about possible engagements and marriage and kids and I had never, ever wanted kids until I met him and realized that he would make the most terrific father and partner. It just sucks. There's no other way to put it. The thing is, the reason we are apart is my fault. For 3 years I was depressed and I had an eating disorder. He begged me to get help and he stood by me in so many ways. He was my rock. At times I refused help or just thought I wasn't ready for it, and it was only three months ago that I found help. Now I am like a new person. I am strong and healthy and I can see life clearly. But the time that he spent trying to get me to that point and dealing with my emotional drama just exhausted him. It's like it stressed him out and he's just ready to get out. He is proud of me for getting better and he loves me, but the "in love" feeling that he had is gone. And that's that. I have to accept that and understand it, but I feel so guilty for not getting help sooner and I have a lot of "would of, could of, should of" running through my head. I know that helps nothing, but I am so in love with him and I was feeling so happy with life and him that I missed the signs of him fading away. I'd do anything to have him back but I can put myself in his shoes and see why he is gone. I'm just heartbroken. My therapist is on my side but I have no friends where I live and an entire holiday weekend of being alone and devastated to look forward to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:20am

I am going through the exact same thing. Granted my relationship wasn't nearly as old as yours, but it was the same situation. I was so happy one day and then crying non-stop the next. I didn't understand what happened because it literally happened overnight. Something changed in him - maybe it was something I did, maybe he's bi-polar. I called him and sent him instant messages and emails which he never answered. This hurt even more. It's like he's purposely trying to hurt me. Then I realized that maybe if I just left him alone for a little while, things might have been different.

I wouldn't call him for awhile. I don't believe in oh well, it's done, dry your eyes and move on. Especially when considering a three year old relationship. Give him some time to think. Give yourself sometime to think. Although you're depressed now you may feel completely different in a month's time. If you still feel the same after a month, maybe try to give him a friendly call to see how he's doing.

Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 12:16pm
I am trying very hard to leave him alone. The thought of moving on just seems so impossible to me. I don't even have friends here and I don't know where to start.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:15pm
You can begin by leaning on us. We are here for you. We understand your pain because we are all going through something similar. I do have some friends, but not all of them are very supportive. We are here for you, and we will help you get through this. You just HAVE to believe that you won't always feel this way. Your life will improve. Your feelings WILL change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:01pm

I'm so sorry,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:10pm
I know how you feel. My boyfriend and i have been together for two years and we'd never had any big problems. Yeah we fought every once in a while but we were inseperable and so in love. We took a break about three weeks ago, he claimed he just needed a little space. I was devistated thinking it was over. A week later he appoligized and we were back together. Just last night one of my best friends informs me my boyfriend isnt welcome at her house although we were all mutual friends. SHe wouldnt tell me why but insisted i needed to talk to him. I begged and pleeded for him to tell me whats going on. TOday, I find out he cheated on me. He cheated on me about 2 days before we took a break with an ex, and hadnt told me. Im heart broken. Hes been my best friend, my supportt, my everything fpr over two years and i never thought he'd do this to me. I dont know what to do. I love him so much and cant imagine being himout him. But i always said id leave any guy who lied or cheated on me. Hes done both but i just cant let him go. I believe he wont do it again, but i dont want to be that stupid girl who goes back to the cheating boyfriend. Help, i cant stop crying and dont know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 11:16pm
I am totally in the same boat. I am so depressed and it has been over a month now. He was my best friend and I didn't see it coming. I am so lonely and sad. I can't stop crying and life is not the same. I lost my job on top of the whole thing. But I truly did not see this coming. We were going to get married and now it's all gone. I don't care if I go on in this life at all.

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