shocked & so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
shocked & so confused
33
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:10pm
has anyone out there had this happen to them?

i have been dating a wonderful guy for about 3 months....we met thru mutual friends and he has been wooing me and treating me like a queen....with wonderful dates, flowers, phone calls the works....he was always very affectionate and protective of me and made me feel so safe. he is 29 and i am 26. i have not had a relationship for the past 3 years after i broke off a long 6 year relationship that was not healthy. i thought i was finding in him all of the things missing from my past relationship and i thought it was so healthy to be in a mutually respectful relationship.

i let him take the lead and tried not to be too available....but we grew closer....we had a wonderful date one friday night into saturday....he even bought me a toothbrush to keep at his house and asked me to go on a trip with him...then the very next day he starts acting all weird and pulling away...so i called him on it and he says that he does not see a future with me...that we would probably break up in six months to a year and this will hurt less...

i have never been more shocked...i did not see this coming...he told me he wanted a relationship....i am still reeling for this and trying to make some sense out of it.

he has emailed me a couple of times a week later just to see how i was..then called me twice...once i let it go to voicemail and once i answered....

why did he contact me....what does he want....what did i do wrong....i really thought we had something good going and cant understand how his feelings could have just switched off like that....when i asked him about this he just said it happened and he did not know why.

i guess i should consider myself lucky that i did not get in any deeper....but all his friends were telling me that he has never felt like a girl like he did about me...was he just scared....will he try to come back....should i answer his calls if he calls again or just ignore him....it does make it harder for me when i hear from him...have not heard a word since sun night so maybe he is done with me....i am just so sad....he always said how much he missed me when we were not together...since i miss him...is he missing me..

any advice from guys or girls would be much appreciated.

thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:13am
well one thing i know is that it does get better and it does get easier but it is not a natural progression...some days are worse than others but then the next day is better...so just keep telling yourself that you are much better off without him and now you are free to find the right person....

you cant find the right person if you are with the wrong one...

if you feel like contacting him again call a friend and have her talk youout of it...or sleep on it and i guarantee you wont feel like calling him the next day...do not give him another chance to ignore you...that hurts too much...

do not give him the satisfaction of knowing you are hurting...guys really dont find that attractive nor do they care....living well and getting on with your life without him is the best revenge and the quickest way to heal.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 9:15am
I know, I've learned my lesson about no contact, it's like being rejected again when he doesn't call you back and it makes me feel like an idiot. The days are getting much better, sometimes I will think of him but I try to quickly replace it with a positive thought. I am actually planning on moving to Chicago early this summer so I am concentrating on making that happen, definitely more productive to dwell on budgeting and apartment hunting than the stupid commitment-phobic ex boyfriend :)

Glad to hear the board helped you through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:41pm
good luck with your move to Chicago...you will love it....and keep those positive thoughts and energy going toward your new life!

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