Should I break up?
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Should I break up?
| Mon, 07-16-2007 - 10:47am |
So I was last here in March after being dump on my 1 yr anniversary. At the time I was a complete MESS, couldn't eat, sleep, keep from crying in the middle of my office. I 100% blamed myself for everything, and I hated myself for how I'd hurt my boyfriend and pushed him to leave me. While we were apart, I really worked on changing the recurring problems I have (therapy, reading, journaling etc). After a month (with constant contact, no matter how often I asked him to give me space for the time being), we got back together. Everything was WONDERFUL. We got along great and really were so happy. It's been 3 months of a really healthy, strong relationship. Then it got bad. My bf went to dinner with his business partner and after too much sake, called a few other partners and they all went out and got plastered. He called me the next morning from a friend's house and left a VM saying he'd thrown up everywhere - I had no idea he'd done anything more than go to dinner! I was angry that he got so drunk that he couldn't even make it to his own home, so I refused to call him back. Later that day, I was chatting online with the girlfriend of one of his friends, and she mentioned 3am drunk calls my bf had made to her's saying something about a penis. He was so drunk apparently it was impossible to make out what he was saying, but he was laughing and having a good time. Finally later that afternoon he called laughing about how drunk he was, and as much as I wanted to discuss my anger calmly, I couldn't hold back and lashed out about how immature and irresponsible he was. He's almost 27, he's not in college anymore...and so on. When we broke up in March I quit drinking because of my inability to control myself which was a HUGE problem in our earlier relationship. He told me I needed to grow up, so I did. Then here he is acting like a frat boy! He used to get SO MAD if I went out with my friends because he didn't trust how I would behave drunk. He can't even account for his whereabouts or actions from about midnight till he woke up. He then got mad at me, saying I was accusing him of cheating, which I wasn't but I was upset about his behavior. Someone, I ended up being the one to apologize. Then everything was fine, we had a great weekend until Sunday. He always wants to talk about us BEING married, where we'll live, how many kids and so on, but he won't ever discuss the process of getting there. So I stupidly tried to bring it up and he kept giving me vague answers and started getting upset. Things escalated until I finally said once I was ready to be married, if he wasn't, I'd just leave him, which sent him through the roof! We didn't talk all that much the rest of the night, but by the following night, it was all in the past. He refused to mention it again. This was last Sunday. This past Friday, we were talking and joking around and I mentioned something that apparently he took as me implying again that he cheated on me WHICH I DID NOT DO. He texted me not to come over that night, then I texted back "OK, but you're out of your mind, I didn't do anything wrong" then it just got worse from there "Bullsh-t, I'm sick of this. You need to take a few days and evaluate your feelings for me. I'll be doing the same. I'm not happy." Then he sent one saying he's sick of me and to leave him alone. I went to the Hamptons for the weekend with some friends and did just as he asked and thought about how I feel and what I want to do. I've decided to break up with him officially, but when he finally called Sunday night to talk, I chickened out and told him I was busy and we'd talk Monday night instead. I'm afraid I can't do it now. I'm afraid I'm only doing it because I'm 99% sure he's going to break up with me again anyway, and what if I'm wrong? But when I think about it, I'm just not happy. I'm nowhere near as upset as I was the 1st time we broke up, and I certainly don't horde all the blame for myself this time. I clearly see the fault that lies with him and the things he brings to the realtionship that I DON'T like. So then I'm afraid I'm just being a baby not to end it when I know what I want. I'm also afraid I want to break up with him and think I'll be OK with it secretly hoping he'll beg me not to. How can I keep feeling all these conflicting things at the same time? How can I be sure I'm doing the best and honest thing?

Welcome back gal_astoria,
I gotta say, it sounds like the two of you really jump conclusions and the emotions that go with them. In other words, you two push each other's buttons.