SHOULD I CALL????
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| Wed, 12-01-2004 - 2:22pm |
Ok guys here's my LONG story and I need your opinions. My ex boyfriend of 5 years just left a message on my work number crying his eyes out. Today is exactly one year since his best friend died of an asthma attack. Last year during this time we were together and I was of course there for him through it. He left a crying message saying he needed someone to talk to and wasnt doing too good so please call him.
2 months ago I broke up with him because he has a serious problem with getting other women's phone numbers. He moved 3 hours away from me and when I would visit him on the weekends, I would go through his stuff and find pieces of paper with phone numbers stuffed away in drawers, etc. I never said anything but got the password to his cell phone account online and that explained it all. He was calling other women left and right at all times of the morning during the week and of course during the weekend there was no activity on his phone bill since I was with him. So when I confronted him about it, he said he was sorry and to please take him back, etc. So I did and the next month's phone bill came out and there were new numbers, etc. So i broke up with him and he kept calling but I would never answer. Well, he called me the day before Thanksgiving and we talked, I cried because it is our first Thanksgiving apart in 4 years. I let him know he hurt me because he cannot control himself and that I could never trust him again. He wants to get back with me but admitted he has a 'problem' talking to other women. I told him I could not accept it and he just needs to get his life together and that I could never ever be with him. He promised he was getting his life together and he is trying to save up for a ring so we can get married. He has been calling every day leaving messages since Thanksgiving about how he hopes we can be together and how much he loves me.
WELL, yesterday his monthly phone bill came out so of course I looked at it (he doenst know I still have the password). I was curious to see if he was really telling the truth about getting his life together and calming down. What I found was the total opposite and unbeleivable. HE ACTUALLY GOT WORSE. He made 976 calls last month and I counted 68 new numbers!!! Some were called once or twice, some were ongoing throughout the month. It hurt my heart to see one number called 9 times from the course of 3:30 a.m. - 4:15 a.m. then he checked his voicemail at 6:25 a.m. So we all know what he did. Went to her house, had sex, got in the car afterwards and checked his voicemail. Get this, the day before Thanksgiving when we talked, he called 3 different girls after me!!! So his uncontrollable and unbeleivable behavior is what is stopping me from calling him back just to comfort him today.
When I heard the message this morning a tear came to my eye because he sounded really sad. I called my best friend and asked her advice and she said don't call, just said him a sympathy ecard. She said if I call, he's going to think it O.K. between us and he is looking for comfort in me like he had last year when he was going through the same situation.
So after reading about my breakup and my situation, should I call him????
Edited 12/1/2004 2:31 pm ET ET by fashiongirl5516
Edited 12/1/2004 2:37 pm ET ET by fashiongirl5516

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Maybe this will give you a different perspective... It sucks that he's upset about his friend... I lost a friend in a really bad car wreck a few years ago, and I don't know if I'll ever be over it... so, I sympathize with him... but here's my point.
He's only calling you so that you can comfort him. He's wants something from you... You were there for him in his time of need, and now that he feels sad, he wants you to do it again... but you have no obligation to him anymore. Obviously, with his calling habits getting worse, you know he's not wanting to get back together... therefore he's using you??? is the only explaination I can come up with.
I wouldn't call him... I think your friend is right, an e-card might be just the trick... but somehow, he needs to learn that he has to find someone else's shoulder to cry on because yours is out of bounds.
Hope that helps! Best wishes!
~A
Absolutely not.
I'm sure it really hurts you to know he is in a lot of pain, but you cannot "save" him. You need to cut off all contact with him. He needs help...but you are not the one to give it to him.
Sheri
Think of it this way, if he's so terribly sad and needs someone to talk to, he has plenty of numbers to call!
DONT CALL HIM!!
Kerry
I like what Kerry said, it certainly sounds like he has his pick of numbers to call on if he needs someone to talk with!
I'm sorry you are hurting ... and I don't mean to sound judgmental ... BUT, why are you continuing to check his phone bill????? Stop this. It's bad behavior. Bad, bad. What does this say about YOU? Please look within yourself to see that you are causing much of your own pain.
Remember that karma can be a pain in the ass. While he may have a problem with collecting phone numbers, talking to other women and calling 976-#s ... you have a problem, too ... you are invading his privacy ... you are NOT entitled to check his phone bill ... you are finding out things in a deceptive manner and, then you feel let down when you find things that you don't like. Why not just stop doing this?
Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh. I do feel for your situation. But, please, just recognize that you are playing a big role in this by checking his phone bill and then feeling hurt by it.
fashiongirl5516,
Completely didn't mean to be harsh, just honest. It is sometimes difficult to see and take responsibility for our own part in the pain we are feeling.
To answer your "should I call?" question, my position is "NO!" If you call now, and say "just the one time," ... next time things get tough for him, he'll think he can crutch back to you. If you set the precedent of this, it's tough to break. And, how will that allow you the closure you need?
I don't think you should call him. You broke up with him for a valid reason and you see he hasn't changed and he wont. I dated a guy that called women a lot and told me he just did it for the attention. I even spoke to some of the women and they said they were just friends. In the end it didn't work because he was sharing too much of himself with other people and it took away from the intimacy we were building. So count yourself lucky and just leave him and his problems for someone else.
He's also playing on your sympathy. He knows that you will understand that he is hurting for his friend and he's using that to reel you back in. Be stronger than that and put yourself first. He is.
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