Should I call??? PLEASE HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Should I call??? PLEASE HELP!
6
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 1:15pm
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Edited 6/12/2005 8:01 pm ET ET by sweet_xoxo2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 1:45pm

It is only natural to want answers to questions you have, especially so soon after your break up.

However, to be together for two years and to end things by saying 'it isn't what it used to be' is definitely odd. One would think that after being together for as long as the two of you were, at the very least, there would be more to say.

Many people whose relationships end in such a way later come to realize that by not saying much at the time, the person who is doing the break up is saying more than their words ever could. A short and non-definitive answer is a fast way to get out of explaining what could be a lenghty and detailed reason.

If you think that after two years and all that you shared, you deserved a 'better' reason than the one your ex gave you, don't look backward: set your standards high, for yourself and for your next relationship, and keep moving on.

If you do decide to ask for an explaination, and decide to approach your ex, be prepared for much of the same in what ever he might say, as well as the resulting additional confusion and hurt. If 'it just isn't the same' was good enough for him when he broke up with you, chances are, down the road, it will still be a good enough 'reason' for him later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2002
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 4:28am
This is really simple and the reason that I say that is I just asked this advise tonight from a friend of mine.

~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 11:11am
Hi-
My boyfriend of three years broke up with me four days ago for basically the same reason. He said that we were dragging out the relationship. I was in shock and I still am, considering three days before the breakup he told me he wanted to marry me.
The way I see it is like this: He did't give me the time of day to deeply explain how he was feeling because he didn't want to bother getting into a deep conversation. Even though I was extremely upset to the point that I couldn't breathe, he still continued to keep his long explanation to himself. BTW he did it over the phone and didn't want to see me to do it!!! If he doesn't want to give you that closure, it just goes to show what kind of person he really is. It's very cowardly on his part! Think about it!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 7:25pm

Hi

Consider this: maybe it is better he did not tell you the reason for the break up. After all you don't need some loser guy who did not appreciate you to possibly belittle and hurt you more by BS that he will come up with or real and hurtful reasons such as: "I don't love you anymore" or "I don't like you for who you are."

Believe me, sometimes the less you know the better it is.

Take care of yourself, and do your best to forget this guy who was just not good enough for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 9:58pm
Hi. When my b/f broke up with me I was as shocked as you! I couldn't believe that after everything, he was breaking up with me. When he broke up with me i was speechless, so surprised that i couldn't say anything. That night when i got home i started thinking and had so many questions. I had no caontact with him for two weeks until i called him. I asked him if he didnt love me anymore and i Told him how much I loved him. We talked things out and now we are back together and more happy than ever. At first I didnt want to call him because I didnt want him to think that I was desperate or something but then I asked myself " what do i lose If i call him??" So i got the phone and made that phone call!! Good Luck with ur decision!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:20pm

i think that he just isn't into the relationship anymore. he gave you a reason. while religion is a strong pull and the people close to him may have influenced him, he ultimately made a decision. the closure is him breaking up with you. whatever answer he gives to your questions may still not satisfy and you risk a further rejection along with prolonged attachment to a relationship that's already ended.

calling isn't necessarily a bad thing but he may be caught off guard and not have any good answer for you except that he just wasn't into it anymore. loving someone sometimes isn't all that's needed to make a relationship work. it's unfortunate but true.

good luck!