should I divorce or take him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
should I divorce or take him back?
5
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 2:48pm

Please give me some advice. My husband and I have been married for three years, February 28th. For the past year we have been having problems with me not trusting him because of things he has done in the past while we were together. I don't trust him to go out without me which I hate because I can't go with my friends. We have been having this same argument for the longest time. When he did go out with friends I would find girl's numbers in his phone that he got that night and when I would confront him about it he would act like it wasn't a big deal, that he was so drunk he didn't remember. That's another big trust issue, when hw does go out he drinks a lot and comes home real early in the morning. Even when we go out he stares and hits on other girls. I can't imagine what he does without me. He doesn't understand why I don't trust him and always get mad at him. Saying that, that's why he wants to seperate. He doesn't want to divorce just seperate. What really makes me mad is that he moved out this past Sunday b/c our lease was up,but his friend, the one that has always caused problems to our relationship and still is, is moving in with him. I understand that he needs time but I know he is doing this to go out all the time and do things he should'nt do. When he and I started dating, him and this guy were living together and I recently found out the things they used to do. He basically cheated on me at first. He says that he is going to prove to me that he is not going to be doing anything wrong but I'm not going to know because I won't be there. Since we seperated he hasn't called nor have I called him. He has left me before for the same reason, that he needs time, and when we got back together I found several different numbers of girls he had been talking to. When I would tear them up and throw them away they would somehow appear again in his phone or on another peice of paper. I don't want to go through that again but I really love him and want to be with him. He says he's going to go to counseling to fix his problems and also wants to go together to marriage counseling. I'm not going to know for sure if he is going and he would lie. I'm not going to call him and maybe not even answer if he calls. I did the opposite before when he did this. I was always the one calling him. I am really hurt especially at night when I am not doing anything. It's so hard not to call and all I think about is, "What is he doing? Who is he with? Please tell me what you guys think i should do when he wants me back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 3:06pm

kimg821...

Pianoguy thinks you both need to get into marriage counselling....STAT!

Neither one of you appears to trust the other----so how can any marriage (including YOURS)survive on suspicions?

Ask yourself HONESTLY....has the man you've been married to for the past 3 years brought you more happiness? Or more disappointment?

If you decide to get the counselling....I think each of you has to agree to a simulataneous "girl's and boy's night out?" Most happily married couples don't have a problem with this type of concept.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 3:41pm

hi kimg821

i know its very hard to be on your position. but actually i'm not advising you to have divorce. THATS BAD! i mean if you could fix everything right. like you mention his friend i know sometimes their friend are too annoying ha? i think their jealous and try to break everything with you and your husband. but dont let it happen. fight for your marriage.

but right now just give him time to think. so atleast he will missed you! like you mention that iT always you make that first move so now let him do it. I BET YOU HE WILL START WONDERING WHY YOUR NOT CALLING COZ HE GOT USED TO THAT. IT JUST LIKE MY BF IF HE DIDNT CALL ME BEFORE I WILL CALL HIM AND ASKING WHY HIS NOT CALLING. I GOT TIRED OF THAT. NOW WHAT I DO, IF HE TOLD ME HE WILL CALL I WILL WAIT UNTIL HE CALL ME FIRST COZ OF HIM GET USED TO ALL MY PHONE CALLS NOW HIS WONDERING AND ASK ME WHY I'M NOT CALLING HIM.

ABOUT YOUR JEALOUSY YOU NEED TO WORK WITH THAT! I KNOW ITS HARD BUT YOUR GOING TO SEND YOUR HUSBAND AWAY....GUYS ARE LIKE THAT IF THEIR NOT DOING ANYTHING AND YOUR ACCUSING HIM FOR SOMETHING. THEY START DOING IT COZ YOUR THE ONE PUSHING HIM TO DO IT.

WELL I'M HOPING THEIR NO KIDS INVOLVED IN THIS MARRIAGE...ANYWAYS DO HAVE SOME KIDS WITH THIS PERSON?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 5:14pm

Hi! Thanks for your reply! Your right I don't want a divorce either but if I find out he is doing things he's not supposed to be doing I will consider it. As hard as it would be. That's what happened the first time, and I took him back. Actually we do have a 3 year old son, and that's what makes it so much harder. He is a very good dad and when Chris and I are not arguing we are a very happy family. I really want things to work out and if they do I will have to start trusting him. I just don't understand why we couldn't stay together and do counseling, instead of seperating. That's why I think he is doing this to party and whatever else, things he should'nt do when your married or even in a relationship.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 5:29pm

i think its better to go to a marriage counseling! just remember what about your son his too young. but dont used this excuse to your husband. instead just tell him straight up about your feeling for him "ABOUT THE LOVE" that you have for each other..

if you guys are back together again...control your jealousy issue!! it will never bring good to your marriage. JUST ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE AND DONT FORGET TO PRAY TO GOD FOR YOUR FAMILY BLESSING...HIS LISTENING. HAVE TRUST AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!

GOD BLESS YOU AND GOOD LUCK

Avatar for deneeecie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 5:32pm

Okay...let me start off by saying that if I offend you in this post at all - it is not my intent and I am writing this with a heart full of love...


With that said...let me ask you...WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?

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