Should I end it once and for all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Should I end it once and for all?
5
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 12:18am

A few weeks ago, I broke up with my bf after he was extremely rude to me in public, and made me cry etc. He's done it before, but I gave him a lot of chances. He pleaded with me to take him back, and convinced me he would change. So i did take him back, much to the horror of my family and friends.

It has been two weeks and he has been really good - doing nice things for me, not getting so angry all the time, taking into account my feelings/ what I want to do, etc. But he has also started getting sort of clingy, and last night he had a big talk to me about how I don't make enough time for him, and I don't do enough nice things for him, and he is the last of my priorities etc.. I have a very busy life with full time uni, 20 hours a week at work - I hardly get time for myself, let alone see my family or friends yet I see him pretty much everyday. He is only doing three subjects at uni, doesn't have a job (His Dad is loaded), and doesn't like to spend much time with his friends. I don't organise our plans cos he never likes what I want to do/where we go etc. And when I buy him presents it's always the wrong thing etc. He said it's too difficult to find things for us to do/places to go because he doesn't like to do the same things as me (Anything outdoors really) and he is from a very wealthy family so all he wants to do is go to restaurants etc (Sounds good but not very fun after a while.)

We have been together for almost 10 months. Sometimes I feel like I'm in love, and I'm terrified of it ending, but mostly I just feel like it's going nowhere and we are just kidding ourselves. I have no idea what I should do... I'm scared of what will happen if I end it, cos his family isn't very supportive and he is likely to just fall apart. Any advice? Should I end it or not? :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 10:07am

Unigirl2, as I was reading your post I felt that I was reading about my life...very strange, but also good to know that someone else has gone through the same thing. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half about 3 months ago and it was the best thing I have ever done. He had the exact same characteristics as your boyfriend.
He was short tempered and abrupt, rude to me many times in front of other people, did not like the outdoors at all (he complained the whole time we did ANYTHING outside), was also from a very wealthy family and just wanted to sit around and drink with his friends. I, like you, have a very busy life with working full time and going to graduate school. He would always complain I did not spend enough time with him, yet I spent any free time I did have with him and not really anyone else. My family also hated him because he was rude to them on more then one occasion.

DUMP THIS GUY! And dump him fast before you waste more of your life with him. The clingyness is only going to get worse and the snapping fits will resume eventually (people don't change overnight, its not possible). People like my ex and your bf have major issues and we are too good for them. Who wants to be with someone like that? It just comes down to the fact that life is too short and very prescious. Don't spend your time with someone like that. Be single (you are really busy anyway) and open yourself up to the possibilities of meeting someone better. You really owe it to yourself and you are 100% worth it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 11:51am

Welcome to the board unigirl,


The thing in public, the anger, etc well it's no wonder you broke up with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:08pm

Hey -- same story for me, too. My ex bf hated the outdoors, despite being an eagle scout (ten years ago). This type of guy is such a drain. I could have loved him for the rest of my life, but he wasn't really even half the guy my imagination was painting him to be...

I echo the advice you've already been given. You can do better. Us busy girls can find like-minded guys who share our interests and aren't such emotional leeches.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:15pm
Well it seems that he isn't very much into compromise. I would see if there is a way to compromise with him first, and then if he continues on his selfish path let him go. For instance, spend time donig what he likes, but then tell him that you guys should do something you like to do. Maybe even bring in the family. If his family is loaded then he may be used to getting what he wants, when he wants. Compromising might show him that the world doesn't revolve around him, and he may open up to new things with you. Either way, if you aren't comfortable with him, and he makes you feel bad again, and disrepects you...etc...etc...I would lose him. You're obviously on a good path for yourself, don't keep extra luggage with you if you don't need to. Good luck! =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 3:15pm
unigirl2-
This guy sounds like a loose cannon just waiting for you say the wrong thing so he can get angry or set you off. He obviously feels horrible about himself since he has hurt you in public and probably in private. there is absolutely no excuse for it and if you stay you'll end up becoming negative like him and probably because you'll begin believing what he says.
I was in a poisonous relationship for 12 long years. I stayed for reasons like yours, "oh he doesn't have the support, how will make without me?" or the best one of all"I Love him" Bull! We finally broke up because he starting seeing another girl and right after he moved, he moved in with her. Really sad. You know I THOUGHT he would change but guess what? 12 years, and the only person that changed was me and now I find it hard to be in a relationship without always thinking hmmm what can go wrong will.
unigirl2, the only thing is now we have a daughter together, we will always be connected. So don't let another 10 months go by and think to yourself...geeze 10 months ago I was contemplating breaking it off with this guy and I've thought about it several timess since then...it's a hard lesson to learn but you've got to be strong and realize that you have a long life to live and why would you want to live it with someone who drains you of everything everyone else loves you for?
Take these great opinions from all the posters and just do it, you won't believe how strong you really are...not until you try.
Carolyn